Lately, I've been feeling a lot of fear, but I'm dealing with it differently. I'm not taking action on it right away or grabbing on to coping mechanisms. Instead, I'm waiting, leaning into it heavily, feeling it fully, and walking right through it, which is awful sometimes, but it hasn't killed me, and I'm seeing the results -- glimpses of the other side.
Sounds heavy, I know, and sometimes it is, but other times, I'm cracking up.
Life.
Reminding myself to be compassionate toward myself and others today, because one never knows what someone has going on inside. XO.
Love to you. One thing I'm good at...I will always try.
C.A. MacConnell
4/27/2024
4/25/2024
My Next Book Cover...
Excited? I am. Ha. Why do I have the feeling that both Tom Hanks and Wes Anderson would crack the fuck up at this. Hey guys, here's my cover, in case you ever come across my site. I always think we have inside jokes, even though I've never met you. Makes sense to no one but me.
No, readers, I am not delusional, just having fun. Then again, either way, who cares.
All I know is this...right now, in heaven or what not, my former professor, Richard, is laughing and cheering me on right now.
Love to you,
No, readers, I am not delusional, just having fun. Then again, either way, who cares.
All I know is this...right now, in heaven or what not, my former professor, Richard, is laughing and cheering me on right now.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
4/23/2024
4/22/2024
KHP 1.
This shot, well, this is what I open my computer to every day. :) A shot I took at the Kentucky Horse Park when I recently visited the land. Growing up, I spent a lot of time there, although it almost feels like another life now. I had great successes there. I had some defeats too, ha. I had laughs, tears, time with friends, time alone staring out at the fields. I had a lot of anxiety there, and I also had times of peace. I worked hard. I played hard. I experienced the whole gamut here. I also got into some trouble, for sure.
Life, memories, feelings, all wrapped up in one shot.
But when I look at it now, I focus on the peace that fills me when I stare out at horses in a field, horses grazing in the wild. In the past and now, this feeling of peace always enters into my heart when I gaze out at a field. Very calming. It has always struck me. Staring out at the sky or a large body of water makes me feel the same way.
Just sharing something from my life today.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
Life, memories, feelings, all wrapped up in one shot.
But when I look at it now, I focus on the peace that fills me when I stare out at horses in a field, horses grazing in the wild. In the past and now, this feeling of peace always enters into my heart when I gaze out at a field. Very calming. It has always struck me. Staring out at the sky or a large body of water makes me feel the same way.
Just sharing something from my life today.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
4/21/2024
Are You OK? Care and Concern.
Usually, on Sunday afternoons, I'm exhausted from the work week but today, I can't stop thinking about my friend Dan (name changed), who passed on a few years ago. And so, I'm writing to you.
Are You OK? Care and Concern.
See, I worked with Dan, and most people just saw him as some quiet guy who was obsessive about arranging items, stocking, and counting inventory. But in reality, he was incredibly well-read, and he had the sharpest wit. I believed him to be a genius walking around in plain sight, and most people around him were clueless. Because he was so smart, Dan sometimes rubbed people the wrong way; that is, in his mind, the world had a particular order, and if something interrupted his order, on certain days, especially early morning, he became quite disturbed. Quickly, I noticed this about him...
Soon, after I figured it out, I was able to easily interact with him in a way that worked. I'd say, "Dan, I know this is not the time to ask you, because it's morning. I understand, but right now, I need you to check in the back for some yogurt." And he would gaze at me steadily, listen, take it in, and then he'd look sideways, register the change, then move to go get the yogurt. Literally, I could physically see him trying to understand why the order of the day was different. One day, he even added, "Hey, I think, when I first met you, a long time ago, you asked me for something like this, and I'm sorry I got mad."
I changed. He changed. It was really cool, the way we interacted. It taught me so much. A special, innocent, compassionate kind of love. I miss him dearly.
But today, I was thinking about his most unique personality trait. Dan never, ever judged anyone on their exterior. In fact, he didn't notice people's appearances at all. If a girl asked him out, he simply stated, "I only like friends. I'd love to be your friend." And when he told me about the girl, he never mentioned her appearance. He didn't notice makeup, a different haircut, clothes, body types, or anything of the sort. He had absolutely no concept of the popular worldwide notion of "looking good." This idea was absolutely absent from his vocabulary. In a way, it was as if he were viewing everyone as children. There was a certain unique innocence about his whole way of being, and it captivated me.
One day, I had white barrettes in my hair. He asked, "Did you hurt yourself?" I laughed and explained that I changed my hair. He laughed too, but he didn't care at all. His only concern was whether or not I was OK. He was never concerned about how anyone looked.
This quality about him was amazing to me because growing up, I learned this: even if you're falling apart, you have to look good and no matter what, don't talk about it and don't show your feelings. It's an idea that I've worked hard to shake, but I believe a part of it will always be with me. Dan was a powerful force in my life, and he helped me take a look at myself.
How different would the world be if people worried less about exteriors? I believe that with the younger generation, these ideas are indeed shifting for some in a very healthy way, and it's lovely to see this change in some of the folks around me.
I've worked hard on my childhood issues but with this one -- this notion of appearance -- I'd like to see more of a change within myself, for sure. I can be incredibly harsh with myself, especially when it comes to my appearance, and it's never helpful. But every time I think of Dan, I think about what he would ask: Are you OK? Without even trying, innately, his intentions always stemmed from care and concern. Compassion. Beautiful. What if I applied Dan's view to myself? What if I were innocent, caring, and compassionate toward myself? What if we all were...with ourselves and others?
Thank you, Dan. I'm not perfect, but I am OK today, thanks to teachers like you. I bet you're up there smiling, arranging something.
We're in this together.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
Stay the Course.
Some say to "stay in the moment." Aye, but I carry all of my experiences with me wherever I go. To act and react as this person, without altering my course, is easy. Nearly robotic, in fact.
But it is possible to make a decision that's new, one that may feel utterly uncomfortable. Changing life-learned patterns -- this takes great strength and patience.
Because it's new. Right or wrong, it's new, and it chips away at the old pattern and slowly, I can change my entire way of being. And I've been practicing these changes for the past few years. And I feel very uncomfortable some days, some hours, some weeks. Other days, I feel ultimately free.
But I believe in this new version of myself that hasn't even fully arrived yet. I believe because when I get quiet, I keep having the same feeling -- stay the course.
Good morning. Hello. Love to you.
C.A. MacConnell
But it is possible to make a decision that's new, one that may feel utterly uncomfortable. Changing life-learned patterns -- this takes great strength and patience.
Because it's new. Right or wrong, it's new, and it chips away at the old pattern and slowly, I can change my entire way of being. And I've been practicing these changes for the past few years. And I feel very uncomfortable some days, some hours, some weeks. Other days, I feel ultimately free.
But I believe in this new version of myself that hasn't even fully arrived yet. I believe because when I get quiet, I keep having the same feeling -- stay the course.
Good morning. Hello. Love to you.
C.A. MacConnell
4/19/2024
Pass It On.
Good morning! Thank you so much...for spreading the word! I'm excited to see the way things are growing lately.
Truly, "word of mouth" is my friend. On my own, I created, wrote, edited, and designed all four of my books. I even did the cover photos/art. If you've read my books, pass it on!
This is an entirely solo effort.
So, all of these things help...
1. Mention this site address
2. Share my Author Page
3. Join my Facebook Page -- C.A. MacConnell
4. Buy books!
5. Leave a review on Amazon. Thanks to those who left feedback! Rockin.
6. Send me a message, join my email list. Contact here.
7. Donate to support! See "donate" button on the side of this page.
Of course, every day, I'm working on expanding, and I'll get Book Five out there for you soon! My first stab at a nonfiction book, and I think you'll be surprised. It's engaging, uplifting, and unique. Can't wait for you to read it.
Thanks for your support.
Hope you have a beautiful day.
C.A. MacConnell
4/17/2024
All Together.
Good morning.
What's wrong with my life?
How do I feel?
What should I change?
Better get on that, holy shit.
You seem to have it all together.
A lot of people seem to have it all together.
One-on-one, no one has ever told me they have it all together.
Maybe I'm OK just how I am.
Maybe you're OK just how you are.
Hey, I love butterflies.
C.A. MacConnell
What's wrong with my life?
How do I feel?
What should I change?
Better get on that, holy shit.
You seem to have it all together.
A lot of people seem to have it all together.
One-on-one, no one has ever told me they have it all together.
Maybe I'm OK just how I am.
Maybe you're OK just how you are.
Hey, I love butterflies.
C.A. MacConnell
4/16/2024
Me, April 24.
Hi there. Pretty much what I look like when I'm working. So, this is pretty much how I look, because I'm always working! Seven days a week, I do deliveries and when I'm not doing that, I'm sleeping, walking and planning stories, taking pictures, or writing. This is my favorite hat, because I have a huge head, and it actually fits! I'd like about ten of the same hats, different colors, but I have yet to find another that's as comfy.
I do love Blind Melon, but not as much as some other bands; however, I particularly like the "Soup" album, which is definitely genius. Most people only know the first, self-titled one, but "Soup" is ridiculously awesome. An absolute gem. They've had a new singer for a long time, and he's kind, friendly, and talented as well.
There are a ton of talented people out there. Just depends on who gets promoted. I did music writing for eight years. Mostly local, but some national too. I met so many artists, and many of them were ultra-talented, hiding right out in the open, so to speak. A few names pop right up in my mind, the ones who "stood out." I'll keep it to myself but for sure, some are secret superstars just writing tunes, hanging out, having breakfast in their kitchens, later writing amazing tunes that may or may not get little to no circulation.
I am honored to know many of them.
Have a good day. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
P.S. Shout out to Chanell, Nay, and the women of Madisonville, who are kind, strong, and supportive. Shout out to Shawntell, who makes me smile every day. <3
I do love Blind Melon, but not as much as some other bands; however, I particularly like the "Soup" album, which is definitely genius. Most people only know the first, self-titled one, but "Soup" is ridiculously awesome. An absolute gem. They've had a new singer for a long time, and he's kind, friendly, and talented as well.
There are a ton of talented people out there. Just depends on who gets promoted. I did music writing for eight years. Mostly local, but some national too. I met so many artists, and many of them were ultra-talented, hiding right out in the open, so to speak. A few names pop right up in my mind, the ones who "stood out." I'll keep it to myself but for sure, some are secret superstars just writing tunes, hanging out, having breakfast in their kitchens, later writing amazing tunes that may or may not get little to no circulation.
I am honored to know many of them.
Have a good day. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
P.S. Shout out to Chanell, Nay, and the women of Madisonville, who are kind, strong, and supportive. Shout out to Shawntell, who makes me smile every day. <3
4/15/2024
Photo. And some words about THE HOLE.
Took this photo with a friend in mind. He worked with me. Daily, we cut it up in the milk cooler. In case you didn't know, other than the freezers and bathrooms, the milk cooler is the only place in supermarkets where there aren't cameras. If no one found us, we couldn't get in trouble for wasting company time. So, we'd hide out there. Eventually, someone would call our names over the store speaker system, but we usually got away with it for a while. Literally, just as in car dealerships, in groceries, nearly everywhere you go, there's a camera. At most dealerships, the only place there's not a camera is the bathroom. And at some dealerships I've worked in, there's someone monitoring the cameras 24/7 at their home. No lie. Ultra creepy. More cameras than a jewelry store. Eyes everywhere.
Honestly, we both worked our asses off most of the time anyway, so it didn't really matter. These interactions eventually inspired me to write THE HOLE. He got a kick out of the whole idea, and he gave me a lot of info about dairy, stocking, and such. The real interactions were hilarious most days, and he was a sweet, sharply smart, kind friend. I miss him; he left this world a few years ago.
But the book turned into something different altogether -- an intense psychological thriller; you'll see some of his dark humor and sharp wit creep out from time to time, but that's pretty much it, because it took a wild turn from there. That's the way it usually works with my writing. I'll get inspired, but the rest comes out of the ether, a.k.a. my ridiculous brain. I love creating dialogue and slipping in humor when people would least expect it. I also love when horror films use this tactic.
If you haven't read THE HOLE, you're missing out. It's a page-turner, and I did an immense amount of research to develop my characters, especially Zion Makeda, who was my favorite to write. Actually, his character is far from my personal experience, although you'll see a bit of me creep in there, as he deals with some intense anxiety issues, and I do as well. For good reason...both of us have had heavy outside stress going on. I fell in love with all of these characters while I was writing. Sometimes I do.
Here's my Amazon Author Page, for all the info.
Most people experience anxiety, in varying degrees, I've noticed. Although, I have a neighbor that seems to float around even keel. I asked her about it, and she said that she's always been that way, just floating around, ha.
Hope you get a chance to read THE HOLE. Not only is it a fast-paced psych thriller, it's also deep as hell and sometimes funny. Check it out.
Honestly, we both worked our asses off most of the time anyway, so it didn't really matter. These interactions eventually inspired me to write THE HOLE. He got a kick out of the whole idea, and he gave me a lot of info about dairy, stocking, and such. The real interactions were hilarious most days, and he was a sweet, sharply smart, kind friend. I miss him; he left this world a few years ago.
But the book turned into something different altogether -- an intense psychological thriller; you'll see some of his dark humor and sharp wit creep out from time to time, but that's pretty much it, because it took a wild turn from there. That's the way it usually works with my writing. I'll get inspired, but the rest comes out of the ether, a.k.a. my ridiculous brain. I love creating dialogue and slipping in humor when people would least expect it. I also love when horror films use this tactic.
If you haven't read THE HOLE, you're missing out. It's a page-turner, and I did an immense amount of research to develop my characters, especially Zion Makeda, who was my favorite to write. Actually, his character is far from my personal experience, although you'll see a bit of me creep in there, as he deals with some intense anxiety issues, and I do as well. For good reason...both of us have had heavy outside stress going on. I fell in love with all of these characters while I was writing. Sometimes I do.
Here's my Amazon Author Page, for all the info.
Most people experience anxiety, in varying degrees, I've noticed. Although, I have a neighbor that seems to float around even keel. I asked her about it, and she said that she's always been that way, just floating around, ha.
Hope you get a chance to read THE HOLE. Not only is it a fast-paced psych thriller, it's also deep as hell and sometimes funny. Check it out.
Well, I'm gonna work for a short while. ;) <3. Glad you're here.
Love to you.
C.A. MacConnell
4/14/2024
4/13/2024
Air 3. And Some Words.
Yesterday, I photobombed a promotional picture they're going to use for a certain ultra-popular supermarket chain -- the most popular, a mammoth influence in all things edible -- which means, by default, you just might soon be seeing my face all over the country. I can't say that I was dressed for a formal engagement; I was wearing a black hat with lips painted on the bill, a certain choice, V-shaped septum ring that was hanging sideways, my Jaws jacket, generic track pants, black and white, 9.5 wide, Saucony Echelons (yes, I have ridiculously huge feet for my size, which I guess means that I'm packing a big dick as well. And so far, along with special-made insoles, these are the only shoes that work to keep my consistently sore feet a little less consistently sore and so, I'm promoting you, Saucony), and I had my tongue hanging out, so much so that you could see my gum.
Just so you know that indeed, it's the real me and not an impostor.
Also, I had my first audience for my original piano tunes. I sneaked into a church to play piano, and a dude that worked there wandered in. Hi Steve. Steve was having a bad day. So, I played him some songs, sang to him, and he said he felt a lot better, which was cool! But it seems that Steve recorded a little on his phone. So, I'm assuming my song's gonna go viral.
Just wanted to give you a fair warning if you were trying to avoid me because soon, it's going to be impossible to go anywhere without seeing my face.
Love to you, 👀😅💖
C.A. MacConnell
P.S. Shout out to those who are kind to me while I'm doing deliveries. Shout out to the officer who let me go w/ a mere warning. Means a lot.
P.P.S. While I'm trying to get an agent and such with Book Five (wish me luck, nonfiction), I'm going to go ahead and dive into working on a new fiction book. I've got a plan in my head already, and it's annoying. The books always start out this way. I start writing in my mind and pretty soon, I have to start actually writing, b/c there's too much info in my brain, ha. Anyway, I have a plot in mind already. Very annoying. C.A.
P.P.S. While I'm trying to get an agent and such with Book Five (wish me luck, nonfiction), I'm going to go ahead and dive into working on a new fiction book. I've got a plan in my head already, and it's annoying. The books always start out this way. I start writing in my mind and pretty soon, I have to start actually writing, b/c there's too much info in my brain, ha. Anyway, I have a plot in mind already. Very annoying. C.A.
4/12/2024
Breaking the Rules.
Good morning! Love to you. Don't forget to buy my awesome books on Amazon. Go here. Yes! Or, for more info, just click on the books on the right side of this page!
They're page-turners. All of them are intense, mysterious, deep, and even hilarious at times. Many years of hard work, research, and creative energy went into each one, and the dialogue is absolutely rich and real. You'll be surprised at the way I capture a voice. Literally, when I write, I BECOME each character, which can be frightening at times.
And please leave a review! Many thanks to those who are supporting my art! You are making it possible for me to continue pursuing my dream, which is to continue punching out books and see my books turn into films. :) Yes!
I'll turn this into a short story at some point, but here's a funny little scene for you...
Yesterday, I saw an 86-year-old woman slowly rising up off of one of those electric, seated shopping carts to reach for some mushrooms. How do I know her exact age? You'll see...
Me: Hi there, you need some help reaching those mushrooms?
Her (smiling wildly): Hi there! Aw, no, I just don't want the organic ones. I want the regular. I can get 'em. (standing tall) I got it.
Me: Alright, you got it.
Her (whispering): Oh yeah, I do. Hey, come here.
Me (leaning in)
Her (whispering, grabbing the shrooms, sitting back down): Hey, you know what I do? I get the regular mushrooms and peel off the outsides. Then they're organic, haha!
Me (laughing): You're a rebel!
Her (laughing): Oh, you gotta be! I'm 86. I'm breaking all the rules, and I'm not messing around.
Me: No doubt.
Her (holding up her mushrooms, driving her cart away one-handed, speedily)
Me (laughing hard, giving her a thumbs-up)
People might look at me or hear me talk and assume certain things. Oftentimes, I'm a quiet observer in a crowd -- that girl in the back who seems invisible. But what they don't know is this: I'm 49. I'm breaking all the rules, and I'm not messing around.
C.A. MacConnell
4/11/2024
The Country Club
A little hint into my tricky brain: word choice and line breaks punch out the feel here. A powerful little sucker. I'm at my best when I'm distant from subjects and can write from a POV of "observation."
The Country Club
Their world rages pink,
like a chapped lip,
like a strange,
split sunset
on the mouth
of a private plane.
Some smoke cigars
in the basement.
Leather lazy boys.
Nothing but time
and sheep.
Today’s party
is in the main room,
down the hall,
the side table beneath
the exclusive painting.
A golf course view
of buttons and zippers.
Windbreakers.
For the children,
somewhere near
the all-you-can-eat
buffet, they'll bring in
five or twenty
live bunnies.
C.A. MacConnell
The Country Club
Their world rages pink,
like a chapped lip,
like a strange,
split sunset
on the mouth
of a private plane.
Some smoke cigars
in the basement.
Leather lazy boys.
Nothing but time
and sheep.
Today’s party
is in the main room,
down the hall,
the side table beneath
the exclusive painting.
A golf course view
of buttons and zippers.
Windbreakers.
For the children,
somewhere near
the all-you-can-eat
buffet, they'll bring in
five or twenty
live bunnies.
C.A. MacConnell
4/10/2024
Photo.
Hey, good morning. Just a photo from the past that I came across, and I rather liked it. An old heart-close friend.
Working on getting book five out there for you. It's finished, but I'm going the traditional route, querying agents and such, and that takes patience and hard work as well, but I've done it all before and so, I'm accustomed to the wild ride. Indeed, it is a wild ride. Actually, I wrote an entirely new book, replacing the old book five. It's nonfiction as well. I've had quite a bit of interest; we shall see what rolls out next. As of now, I'm still in the process.
Grateful to be generating more followers in person, on here, and on my FB page. If you haven't been there yet, come on over! "C.A. MacConnell" is my FB author page. Not hard to find. Would love to have you join me on my artistic journey.
Please check out my four novels on Amazon. Or you can simply click on the book covers on the right side of this page. Presto, it'll lead you to descriptions of each one. All are available to purchase -- paperback or Kindle. Paperback is better. :) If you've read them, please leave a review. Thanks to those who already have!
Life has been a cantankerous opponent; however, I'm fiercely developing a new strength that I didn't know I even had. Also, I'm learning to turn inward and trust my higher power even more. Like a child, sometimes I balk at the change but then, I settle into the new version of myself. Back and forth, it seems. Large change and growth seem to roll out messily at times, but I've got a parachute.
Hope to see you when I'm out and about. Praying that you have all the things that I want. Praying for your peace and happiness. Because we're in this together, and everything is circular. And deep in my heart, I feel that God is getting me ready for something.
Seems to me that we're all trooping around, letting go of old shit, learning how to play again, uncovering that which we had when we were born, trying to get back to the beginning, when there were no outside influences. At our first cry, we all naturally understood the source of peace and love.
Remember to laugh today. Know that I'm steadily pulling for you, and for me.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
Grateful to be generating more followers in person, on here, and on my FB page. If you haven't been there yet, come on over! "C.A. MacConnell" is my FB author page. Not hard to find. Would love to have you join me on my artistic journey.
Please check out my four novels on Amazon. Or you can simply click on the book covers on the right side of this page. Presto, it'll lead you to descriptions of each one. All are available to purchase -- paperback or Kindle. Paperback is better. :) If you've read them, please leave a review. Thanks to those who already have!
Life has been a cantankerous opponent; however, I'm fiercely developing a new strength that I didn't know I even had. Also, I'm learning to turn inward and trust my higher power even more. Like a child, sometimes I balk at the change but then, I settle into the new version of myself. Back and forth, it seems. Large change and growth seem to roll out messily at times, but I've got a parachute.
Hope to see you when I'm out and about. Praying that you have all the things that I want. Praying for your peace and happiness. Because we're in this together, and everything is circular. And deep in my heart, I feel that God is getting me ready for something.
Seems to me that we're all trooping around, letting go of old shit, learning how to play again, uncovering that which we had when we were born, trying to get back to the beginning, when there were no outside influences. At our first cry, we all naturally understood the source of peace and love.
Remember to laugh today. Know that I'm steadily pulling for you, and for me.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
4/08/2024
4/07/2024
4/06/2024
4/04/2024
From the Mosquito
Hope you have a beautiful day. :) A poem from the POV of the mosquito...The sentences should read quickly but ironically, with the rhythm and line breaks, it forces a slow read...something I did on purpose. Desktop shows proper line breaks. Ha, if anyone cares but me. Just a little trick I learned, a hint into my craft. Love to you, C.A.
From the Mosquito
I guess I'm here now, which was quick. The water is cold this time
of year. I'm the only one
skimming the surface. Indeed, I could hide inside
the tree's hollow. Earlier,
I was spent from trying. How high
does a damn bridge have to be.
I could give up and throw up makeup,
the sweet taste of old caffeine, smoky cigar skin,
and all of the horrible sweat -- exercisers and sleepers --
and enjoy the dirty, wind ride
home. Or I could rest within
a deserted wrinkle. Yesterday, earth-hidden, a fresh, male one
pitched a green/tan tent
on the bike trail. Suddenly, he was mine. I slipped through
the underside hole, digging
into his thigh, leaving him
shrieking. At the back, I spied a black,
smiley face
spraypainted on his cooler.
I guess he was grinning too. Illegal free rent,
and even though
the pesky chill covered that morning,
I then heard a rustle. The delicious buck spied on me,
and I thought about the tricky dive,
aiming for tail end,
but the hell tick
blocked me mid-back-hair,
and with sunrise, the branches -- our shared, lawless branches --
burned orange with light,
and our whole scene
turned into fire. Funny,
later, safer, I flew to the office. Caddy corner, the boss man
called the woman a twig.
Aside, I rolled my eyes,
all one hundred lenses. I'd visited her before. She's lived through
an above-average, human
war zone. Ninety-eight percent of people like her have turned into heat, no more
than the vapor zone.
Even still, five days a week, forty hours, she stayed.
Resting on the desk, checking
my reflection in her ring,
I had all the time in the world.
When she was typing, I recalled the time
when I stabbed through
her open-toed shoes, expertly
finding the vein. Back then, people left rear windows
cracked. Hands were easy targets, and car phones made men mad,
buzzing without reception.
Even then, I planned on becoming
famous, with or without
tasting roadkill, mascara, perfume,
or lotion. I always knew that wasn't the answer,
but I heard the swarm. The others believed that once
we were known, we could live
forever. But the answer is this:
we mosquitos bite for the blood type.
Time to find another, before they team together, like people do.
What if tomorrow, the white room,
the paper, the printer, and the grey
walls vanished. The girl could pack her blue car
and drive several directions,
because once, I heard her whisper
that all she ever wanted to do
was shoot pictures of the happy
cooler, unzipping the tent's nylon to find his peculiar eyes --
whether caked, lined, or untouched --
suddenly staring back. Soon, he would reach out his right hand,
smack and miss, scratching the itch,
feeling the trace
of what I always left behind -- the tiny speck of blood
staining his pointer finger
red. He could taste it, or he could touch her cheek,
making a print. And only then, according to god's unwritten rules,
I'd be forbidden from the return,
but I'd never be forgotten.
I'd simply leave them
together
and tear away
laughing.
C.A. MacConnell
From the Mosquito
I guess I'm here now, which was quick. The water is cold this time
of year. I'm the only one
skimming the surface. Indeed, I could hide inside
the tree's hollow. Earlier,
I was spent from trying. How high
does a damn bridge have to be.
I could give up and throw up makeup,
the sweet taste of old caffeine, smoky cigar skin,
and all of the horrible sweat -- exercisers and sleepers --
and enjoy the dirty, wind ride
home. Or I could rest within
a deserted wrinkle. Yesterday, earth-hidden, a fresh, male one
pitched a green/tan tent
on the bike trail. Suddenly, he was mine. I slipped through
the underside hole, digging
into his thigh, leaving him
shrieking. At the back, I spied a black,
smiley face
spraypainted on his cooler.
I guess he was grinning too. Illegal free rent,
and even though
the pesky chill covered that morning,
I then heard a rustle. The delicious buck spied on me,
and I thought about the tricky dive,
aiming for tail end,
but the hell tick
blocked me mid-back-hair,
and with sunrise, the branches -- our shared, lawless branches --
burned orange with light,
and our whole scene
turned into fire. Funny,
later, safer, I flew to the office. Caddy corner, the boss man
called the woman a twig.
Aside, I rolled my eyes,
all one hundred lenses. I'd visited her before. She's lived through
an above-average, human
war zone. Ninety-eight percent of people like her have turned into heat, no more
than the vapor zone.
Even still, five days a week, forty hours, she stayed.
Resting on the desk, checking
my reflection in her ring,
I had all the time in the world.
When she was typing, I recalled the time
when I stabbed through
her open-toed shoes, expertly
finding the vein. Back then, people left rear windows
cracked. Hands were easy targets, and car phones made men mad,
buzzing without reception.
Even then, I planned on becoming
famous, with or without
tasting roadkill, mascara, perfume,
or lotion. I always knew that wasn't the answer,
but I heard the swarm. The others believed that once
we were known, we could live
forever. But the answer is this:
we mosquitos bite for the blood type.
Time to find another, before they team together, like people do.
What if tomorrow, the white room,
the paper, the printer, and the grey
walls vanished. The girl could pack her blue car
and drive several directions,
because once, I heard her whisper
that all she ever wanted to do
was shoot pictures of the happy
cooler, unzipping the tent's nylon to find his peculiar eyes --
whether caked, lined, or untouched --
suddenly staring back. Soon, he would reach out his right hand,
smack and miss, scratching the itch,
feeling the trace
of what I always left behind -- the tiny speck of blood
staining his pointer finger
red. He could taste it, or he could touch her cheek,
making a print. And only then, according to god's unwritten rules,
I'd be forbidden from the return,
but I'd never be forgotten.
I'd simply leave them
together
and tear away
laughing.
C.A. MacConnell
4/03/2024
Abby.
At first glance, I realize that this doesn't seem like the greatest photo, in terms of study, lighting, and the like. Just a moment in time caught on film. But at second glance, I simply like the feel of it, and I like the feel of her eye. Gives out a vibe that I love and so, fuck the rules.
Right away, I knew that this bay mare, Abby, would be gentle and sweet. I was always on guard around chestnut mares; they were usually the most difficult ones to work with, but not always, and I could always immediately gauge the personality by looking at the eye. Abby had a quiet eye, as you can see here. I only worked around a few stallions. Most barns I worked in had all geldings and a few mares. There's a reason for that! Ha. If you look closely, you can see/feel the anger or fire in a horse eye. Gives you that gut feeling -- the same way that it works with dogs, cats, people, etc.
It's like this: there are all kinds of complicated coffee makers out there now, and I've worked in a ton of coffee shops over the years. I've even worked in some exclusive shops in Seattle, and let me tell you, they were and are serious about coffee out there. Ha. I can make ridiculously complex drinks. I even know how to roast beans. And yet, at home, I have used the same $10 Mr. Coffee maker for about 15 years...and it still works just fine. Drinking a cup of Seattle's Best right now.*
Lately, I'm reminded to honor the lessons I've learned. Study the eye. Use what works. Go with my gut. Don't second guess. At first glance, one catches a glimpse of the soul, so to speak. As one of my spiritual advisers always says, Trust yourself.
Hope you have a good day. Gentle, sweet.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
*Sidenote: did you know that Seattle's Best and Starbucks originally both started in Seattle, and they had dueling shops right across from each other in the Pike Place Market? Actually, I've been to the original locations. Every day, these two companies battled for customers. Everyone took sides. Later, Starbucks bought out Seattle's Best, but Starbucks still sells the Seattle's Best coffee in stores, and no one knows that it's them selling the stuff. But there are no more Seattle's Best locations, obviously. I still drink Seattle's Best, but ironically, although I'm a diehard Seattle's Best supporter, since I buy the stuff and Starbucks owns it now, I'm now supporting Starbucks. Everything's complicated. <3
Right away, I knew that this bay mare, Abby, would be gentle and sweet. I was always on guard around chestnut mares; they were usually the most difficult ones to work with, but not always, and I could always immediately gauge the personality by looking at the eye. Abby had a quiet eye, as you can see here. I only worked around a few stallions. Most barns I worked in had all geldings and a few mares. There's a reason for that! Ha. If you look closely, you can see/feel the anger or fire in a horse eye. Gives you that gut feeling -- the same way that it works with dogs, cats, people, etc.
It's like this: there are all kinds of complicated coffee makers out there now, and I've worked in a ton of coffee shops over the years. I've even worked in some exclusive shops in Seattle, and let me tell you, they were and are serious about coffee out there. Ha. I can make ridiculously complex drinks. I even know how to roast beans. And yet, at home, I have used the same $10 Mr. Coffee maker for about 15 years...and it still works just fine. Drinking a cup of Seattle's Best right now.*
Lately, I'm reminded to honor the lessons I've learned. Study the eye. Use what works. Go with my gut. Don't second guess. At first glance, one catches a glimpse of the soul, so to speak. As one of my spiritual advisers always says, Trust yourself.
Hope you have a good day. Gentle, sweet.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
*Sidenote: did you know that Seattle's Best and Starbucks originally both started in Seattle, and they had dueling shops right across from each other in the Pike Place Market? Actually, I've been to the original locations. Every day, these two companies battled for customers. Everyone took sides. Later, Starbucks bought out Seattle's Best, but Starbucks still sells the Seattle's Best coffee in stores, and no one knows that it's them selling the stuff. But there are no more Seattle's Best locations, obviously. I still drink Seattle's Best, but ironically, although I'm a diehard Seattle's Best supporter, since I buy the stuff and Starbucks owns it now, I'm now supporting Starbucks. Everything's complicated. <3
3/31/2024
Happy Easter? No, Fourth. Hm.
Good morning. I don't have a bunny photo, and I won't comment on all of my historical ideas on the spiritual nature of the day, because it would take me all day, and everyone would be bored, amused, or horrified, and I have to work, but I love this photo.
This guy rocks.
This guy rocks.
So why not celebrate the Fourth of July today? Besides, he makes me happy. Hope the shot makes you smile as well, and I hope you have a good day today.
Last night, by chance, I found a fun club, and I loved the DJ, so I danced pretty hard for a bit. I got her info. I sure didn't fit in but then again, I don't think I ever fit in, so at this point, I don't really care at all.
Maybe my style will start trending. I'm waiting. Basically, sweats and/or pajamas that are twenty years old, but new shoes, b/c feet are important. And they're bigger now.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
Last night, by chance, I found a fun club, and I loved the DJ, so I danced pretty hard for a bit. I got her info. I sure didn't fit in but then again, I don't think I ever fit in, so at this point, I don't really care at all.
Maybe my style will start trending. I'm waiting. Basically, sweats and/or pajamas that are twenty years old, but new shoes, b/c feet are important. And they're bigger now.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
3/30/2024
Photo: Gracie.
Most people don't know this about me, but I played out solo all over Ohio and Virginia during the nineties, and I was in a band for a while. Played guitar and sang in those days. I became pretty sharp on guitar back then. I've always just created originals, messed around. But I admit that my style is hilarious. You see, I learned on an enormous acoustic Ibanez with heavy strings, a guitar that was nearly bigger than me and so, I tend to really bang on guitars. Definitely not a "light feeler." I'm like the Meg White of guitar. Bam, Bam from the Flintstones. I'm the same with tennis and bowling; everyone's always like "Watch out!" I'm terrible at both of those sports. All muscle, absolutely no control. But like I said, in the nineties, I was sharp with my banging around, haha.
Lately, I've been drawn more to piano, but...last night, I was at an old friend's house, and he had a piano that sounded so rad. So, I played some new stuff I've been working on. And I played his guitar with a mic for the first time in about ... let's see ... 15 years. I think the last time I did that was for a show I did in Dayton in 2009, if I remember correctly. Before that show, I hadn't played out since like 1998. Reason I did that show -- well, I was interviewing some guys for a magazine, and I asked them who was opening for their next show, and they said, "You." I cracked up, but I took on the challenge, and I did it. We had a blast.
Anyway, last night, I played a song that I haven't played since then, which was fun, but I couldn't hear myself, which is a problem. But I had a good time. I felt comfortable at that microphone, ha. I always do. Like coming home. So strange. I'm extremely introverted and yet, when I get in front of a microphone, I'm so relaxed, right in the moment.
Anyway, just sharing something from my life. I've sold my guitars. I've sold everything. Not a "poor me" statement, just facts, lol. I'd like to get another, I think, when I can. I want an old acoustic Ibanez that I can bang on. I love the bass sound in those guitars. I don't like pussy-sounding guitars.
Some things never change. Ha.
Good morning.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
Lately, I've been drawn more to piano, but...last night, I was at an old friend's house, and he had a piano that sounded so rad. So, I played some new stuff I've been working on. And I played his guitar with a mic for the first time in about ... let's see ... 15 years. I think the last time I did that was for a show I did in Dayton in 2009, if I remember correctly. Before that show, I hadn't played out since like 1998. Reason I did that show -- well, I was interviewing some guys for a magazine, and I asked them who was opening for their next show, and they said, "You." I cracked up, but I took on the challenge, and I did it. We had a blast.
Anyway, last night, I played a song that I haven't played since then, which was fun, but I couldn't hear myself, which is a problem. But I had a good time. I felt comfortable at that microphone, ha. I always do. Like coming home. So strange. I'm extremely introverted and yet, when I get in front of a microphone, I'm so relaxed, right in the moment.
Anyway, just sharing something from my life. I've sold my guitars. I've sold everything. Not a "poor me" statement, just facts, lol. I'd like to get another, I think, when I can. I want an old acoustic Ibanez that I can bang on. I love the bass sound in those guitars. I don't like pussy-sounding guitars.
Some things never change. Ha.
Good morning.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
3/28/2024
The Market
I really love the mix of strength and vulnerability in this one. Hint: the line breaks, word choice, and rhythm contribute to this duality as well. :) Just a little secret. One that's more of an exercise in word choice, sound, and feel, in order to convey hidden meaning. Sort of like this: "make sure you listen to the whole album." 💓👍One of my favorites...Love, C.A.
The Market
Oxygen, devotion, desire, and spare change
return to those who wait. I am
god, and you are god, and this is god,
and so is the snake. Confused tycoons
are fasting. Beneath them –
countless park bears
buried in camp-site scraps.
In between, together, come evening,
smart, patient wolves
chew on bone.
By noon, the nonprofit is no more
than a dried-up tit,
and all of my income
is buried in shit.
Little, dark dream circles
under my eyes.
Last night, you
had silver, sharp canines. When we
kissed, I tasted metal. No matter, no
mind.
Call me an illusion scavenger.
I love even the well, and the wait,
and the hell.
Following, I am no more
than an air-sucking parachute
fish-tailing on the drag strip.
For years,
I’ve taken the bait.
Sometimes, my ring
fingers freeze, knuckles locked stuck,
closed from the trigger grip.
With time,
movement tears apart
the tricky numb,
and suddenly, fist to heart,
you return.
Up ahead, the crowd breaks,
revealing
the Market. Yes, I make a muscle,
but can I pay with food stamps.
Now,
my blanket is damp, and I peel open
the bad eye.
Today, again – ridges,
cheap sheets, yellow,
and I’m ashamed
of the bruised peaches.
No lip, no skin,
no squinting eye, no smirk
beside me.
Empty bleachers. See, I am god,
and you are god, and this
is god, and the snake
is god, and so is the penniless
or high-class date.
People tell me that my hair is pretty.
The voices should be more
sing-song. People tell me
that my hair
is pretty. Like
always,
I stand
like a rock.
C.A. MacConnell
The Market
Oxygen, devotion, desire, and spare change
return to those who wait. I am
god, and you are god, and this is god,
and so is the snake. Confused tycoons
are fasting. Beneath them –
countless park bears
buried in camp-site scraps.
In between, together, come evening,
smart, patient wolves
chew on bone.
By noon, the nonprofit is no more
than a dried-up tit,
and all of my income
is buried in shit.
Little, dark dream circles
under my eyes.
Last night, you
had silver, sharp canines. When we
kissed, I tasted metal. No matter, no
mind.
Call me an illusion scavenger.
I love even the well, and the wait,
and the hell.
Following, I am no more
than an air-sucking parachute
fish-tailing on the drag strip.
For years,
I’ve taken the bait.
Sometimes, my ring
fingers freeze, knuckles locked stuck,
closed from the trigger grip.
With time,
movement tears apart
the tricky numb,
and suddenly, fist to heart,
you return.
Up ahead, the crowd breaks,
revealing
the Market. Yes, I make a muscle,
but can I pay with food stamps.
Now,
my blanket is damp, and I peel open
the bad eye.
Today, again – ridges,
cheap sheets, yellow,
and I’m ashamed
of the bruised peaches.
No lip, no skin,
no squinting eye, no smirk
beside me.
Empty bleachers. See, I am god,
and you are god, and this
is god, and the snake
is god, and so is the penniless
or high-class date.
People tell me that my hair is pretty.
The voices should be more
sing-song. People tell me
that my hair
is pretty. Like
always,
I stand
like a rock.
C.A. MacConnell
3/26/2024
I Need You, Too.
When I looked at the sky and took this shot, I heard, "I need you, too." I believe the image captures this feeling as well. :)
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
3/25/2024
3/24/2024
Fence, Poem, Photo.
Good morning. I'm glad you're here.
Thank you for your support.
Today, a two-for-one special! Ha. A photo and a poem. Donate to my site, and you'll be eligible for a ten-year-old, witch, Halloween Pez dispenser. Unopened! Seriously, if you're enjoying my art here on my site, if you can, please consider a donation. Button on right side of this page.
I have four books on Amazon! Check it out!
I'm working on getting Book Five out there. Wish me luck!
I hope your day is love-filled and unique. Spectacular, why not?
Always, love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
Today, a two-for-one special! Ha. A photo and a poem. Donate to my site, and you'll be eligible for a ten-year-old, witch, Halloween Pez dispenser. Unopened! Seriously, if you're enjoying my art here on my site, if you can, please consider a donation. Button on right side of this page.
I have four books on Amazon! Check it out!
I'm working on getting Book Five out there. Wish me luck!
I hope your day is love-filled and unique. Spectacular, why not?
Always, love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
Fence
Human, for years, I've been waiting.
Soon, I may warp into kindling --
no more than knots. Leaning back,
living in slant, there rests a ladder.
Today, may you reach out, touching
my strong side (the least faded,
the straightest, my shaded best).
Go ahead. Press your rising chest
against me. My mouth can take
the weight. You will make me --
one, lowly, man-made fence --
stand tall enough to come alive.
Peek above the jagged rows. Find
the crooked downside, for beyond
and below, a thousand splintered
stories, the aches of yesterdays,
are hidden within each crack and line.
So many whispers. All over, I hold
secrets. They are woven in.
They are carved into me
by little hands.
C.A. MacConnell
3/22/2024
Here. Book Five.
Well, I finished my new Book Five. Ha, I know, I work fast. I'm stoked about it. It's full of hope and light, and I think it'll help some folks, who knows. Feels great to finish this draft. Ready to send out. Wish me luck. Stay tuned.
Keeping my fingers and toes crossed.
Love to you,
Keeping my fingers and toes crossed.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
3/21/2024
Bear Lake
I've been unsettled, and I've been grieving the past few days, which is OK, as I'm processing through some tough stuff, and silent meditation has been bringing up the emotions! But I woke up thinking about scenes that made me feel peaceful as a child -- and still do -- times when I was alone with nature, when it felt like it was all my secret...I remember having a feeling of "something greater" out there, even back then, and it calmed me, giving me some comfort. Here's a poem about one of those hiding places. Maybe it'll comfort you too. :) Hope you have a good day. Love to you, C.A.
Bear Lake
Early mornings,
I escaped
the family.
Slipping out
of the twin bed,
I looked over,
making sure
my brother
was still sleeping.
Softly opening
the door,
then the screen,
I closed them
behind me,
but something
always creaked.
Scratching my legs,
I cursed
at the chiggers.
I looked back
at the cottage,
checking,
maybe twice.
Barefoot,
I made my way
across the cool,
damp grass.
Looking both ways,
I crossed
the forbidden road.
Dead snake, one day.
Dad's t-shirt
was my dress.
I crept over
to the beach swing,
climbing up
to settle down
on the faded,
green cushion.
I gripped the chains
and rocked,
feeling the cool,
lake wind
and once again,
I listened
to the whispers
of secret waves,
and time
was all mine.
C.A. MacConnell
Bear Lake
Early mornings,
I escaped
the family.
Slipping out
of the twin bed,
I looked over,
making sure
my brother
was still sleeping.
Softly opening
the door,
then the screen,
I closed them
behind me,
but something
always creaked.
Scratching my legs,
I cursed
at the chiggers.
I looked back
at the cottage,
checking,
maybe twice.
Barefoot,
I made my way
across the cool,
damp grass.
Looking both ways,
I crossed
the forbidden road.
Dead snake, one day.
Dad's t-shirt
was my dress.
I crept over
to the beach swing,
climbing up
to settle down
on the faded,
green cushion.
I gripped the chains
and rocked,
feeling the cool,
lake wind
and once again,
I listened
to the whispers
of secret waves,
and time
was all mine.
C.A. MacConnell
3/19/2024
Photo: Kiss
I just woke up from a nap. So tired! Funny--I noticed that as soon as I woke, without a pause, my mind started to ruminate about negative things. But in the next moment, it was as if I stepped outside of myself, because this reality hit me with a force: this negative thinking is coming from the old me. Yikes.
Then a new thought came into my mind...and I believe it was from God. It was this:
Then a new thought came into my mind...and I believe it was from God. It was this:
Create love, create joy.
Go toward love, go toward joy.
And I'm sitting here, typing to you, with a little tear in the corner of my eye, because I'm thinking...dear God, lead me back to this love and joy when I get lost. I've spent way too much of my life in the dark. And now that I see that, help me swiftly turn it all around. :) <3
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
3/18/2024
Glove 1.
Glove #1
I now have 58 photos of lost gloves, ha. This one was the first,
C.A. MacConnell
Baby
Good morning.
I'm afraid.
I think I'll try to figure this out.
Hm, that has never worked.
I guess I haven't mastered everything. I guess I'm a human being.
That sucks, but OK.
Yesterday, I was way too intense.
I prayed, and I listened to some music, asking God to help me regroup.
Then I dialed it down ten notches, and I started to crack up.
That was a winning idea.
Now, about this fear. I can't possibly turn this fear around in the same way, can I?
Hm, I've been afraid before, and it hasn't killed me.
Last night, at first, I tossed and turned. Again, I thought I should figure out my fear. My mind started to race more. Again, that didn't work. Then I took a deep breath and said out loud, "Hey, God, it's you and me now. Please take away my fear and show me what to do."
And I meant it.
And I slept like a baby.
Makes sense. Like everyone else, deep down, I'm simply a child looking for comfort.
Whether it comes from the heart or the sky, something or someone, both inside and out, hears us.
Then I woke up, dialed it down ten notches, and I started to crack up.
That was a winning idea.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
P.S. I've been changing up where I reach out quite a bit. I added a women's group, meditation groups, more comedy, and other new things. I've found that I need to shake up my schedule in order to gain new perspectives and put myself in a place of learning & questioning. Also, it helps to distract myself from old, negative thinking, fear, and the like. Distraction or taking action aimed at a positive future works better than focusing on the old. Perhaps this will help you. Hope you have a good day!
3/17/2024
Note on Copyrighted Material.
A note: all of my photos and writings are copyrighted material, as it states in my bio, on the bottom of this page, and in my introduction. All photos and writings are the sole property of the author, C.A. MacConnell, and all are both copyrighted and timestamped through this site, on social media, and on my hard drive, as well as in various other ways, legally binding.
If anyone uses these writings and photos without permission in any way, there will be legal consequences.
Sincerely,
C.A. MacConnell
3/16/2024
Lightning
Something I just wrote on the fly, just now...C.A.
Lightning
Brown eyes, narrow
jaw, blond hair, sunken
or full cheeks. Black
twisties. Makeup,
trucker hats, cartoon
sweats, no. Blurry --
all of them -- the faces,
the features. Furious,
I am, at the zigzag
part. Sideways, middle,
anything else. Please,
once. When I look
close, let me focus.
Let me see the contrail
coming from your comb.
C.A. MacConnell
Touch.
Good morning. A surprise is coming. :) Little surprises happen all day long, when I'm aware, childlike, and curious.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
3/13/2024
Three Girls, and Some Words from Me.
Three Girls, Cleveland, film shot. Just picked it randomly, actually. I suppose I like the feeling of play, and the essence of support. <3
Hope you're having a good day. I had a long one! Sometimes I take on too much work, or I accept orders that are too big, but I got ahead, and I'll be glad tomorrow. Had some big laughs with the meat department this morning; they were howling. Shit like that makes the day worth it, and I told the guys that too. I said, "I know we joke around a lot, but I don't think you realize how much these little interactions mean to me sometimes." They agreed. We had some hugs. There's a lot of love in between the jabs, that's for sure.
For six years, starting when I was fifteen, I worked with 40 men, all drivers. I'm accustomed to working with men, I suppose. Obviously, at first, I couldn't drive yet and so, I was stuck in the office until I got my license. Then I was driving all over the place, running the strangest errands. If I went into depth about it, no one would believe me.
Now my life isn't so exciting, and I work my ass off for very little, for sure. This past year has been extremely difficult in every way. Financial stress, family stress, physical and mental stress, you name it. Unbelievable loss and stress. I've been praying my ass off and working my ass off in every way. Truly, I've had some rough days and weeks, but I've been strong as hell, and I'm getting stronger, and I'm extremely grateful for the times of laughter. I'm also grateful for my spiritual advisers, and the new friends rolling into my life. I've changed a lot, and my circle is changing as well.
But I'm STILL led to jobs that involve driving, me, and a bunch of men, ha. Just how it has worked out. Makes me chuckle to wonder what's next...but I do know that here's one thing that'll be rolling out SOON:
I have a solid draft of Book Five finished, and I'm stoked about it. Stay tuned. I tore up the first version, and it's new now, and I think it's uplifting and unique. Can't wait for you to see it! My first stab at nonfiction, and I'm hoping for the best, in terms of publication.
Until then, you can find my four published novels on Amazon. To purchase, just click on the book covers on the right side of this page. You'll find a description of each one there as well.
If you're enjoying my site, consider a donation...button on the right of this page. All of this is a solo effort. I would be so grateful. Thanks for your support.
Love to YOU. I may get sidetracked but always, when I get quiet, there's never a doubt in my mind of what's right and important -- love to you. That's more important than any job, photo, or book.
C.A. MacConnell
Hope you're having a good day. I had a long one! Sometimes I take on too much work, or I accept orders that are too big, but I got ahead, and I'll be glad tomorrow. Had some big laughs with the meat department this morning; they were howling. Shit like that makes the day worth it, and I told the guys that too. I said, "I know we joke around a lot, but I don't think you realize how much these little interactions mean to me sometimes." They agreed. We had some hugs. There's a lot of love in between the jabs, that's for sure.
For six years, starting when I was fifteen, I worked with 40 men, all drivers. I'm accustomed to working with men, I suppose. Obviously, at first, I couldn't drive yet and so, I was stuck in the office until I got my license. Then I was driving all over the place, running the strangest errands. If I went into depth about it, no one would believe me.
Now my life isn't so exciting, and I work my ass off for very little, for sure. This past year has been extremely difficult in every way. Financial stress, family stress, physical and mental stress, you name it. Unbelievable loss and stress. I've been praying my ass off and working my ass off in every way. Truly, I've had some rough days and weeks, but I've been strong as hell, and I'm getting stronger, and I'm extremely grateful for the times of laughter. I'm also grateful for my spiritual advisers, and the new friends rolling into my life. I've changed a lot, and my circle is changing as well.
But I'm STILL led to jobs that involve driving, me, and a bunch of men, ha. Just how it has worked out. Makes me chuckle to wonder what's next...but I do know that here's one thing that'll be rolling out SOON:
I have a solid draft of Book Five finished, and I'm stoked about it. Stay tuned. I tore up the first version, and it's new now, and I think it's uplifting and unique. Can't wait for you to see it! My first stab at nonfiction, and I'm hoping for the best, in terms of publication.
Until then, you can find my four published novels on Amazon. To purchase, just click on the book covers on the right side of this page. You'll find a description of each one there as well.
If you're enjoying my site, consider a donation...button on the right of this page. All of this is a solo effort. I would be so grateful. Thanks for your support.
Love to YOU. I may get sidetracked but always, when I get quiet, there's never a doubt in my mind of what's right and important -- love to you. That's more important than any job, photo, or book.
C.A. MacConnell
3/12/2024
Everything
Everything happens for a reason.
Does it?
Everything happens.
Since I was born in this world, I am naturally part of a community.
If I take positive action, I change from the inside out.
If I change from the inside out, I change the world in a positive way.
Everything happens, and I am the reason.
C.A. MacConnell
Does it?
Everything happens.
Since I was born in this world, I am naturally part of a community.
If I take positive action, I change from the inside out.
If I change from the inside out, I change the world in a positive way.
Everything happens, and I am the reason.
C.A. MacConnell
3/11/2024
Book Five in the Works.
Just a note to tell you that Book Five is really turning out fantastic. It's a nonfiction work, my first book-length nonfiction piece.
I think you'll really like it.
Working hard, behind the scenes.
Stay tuned!
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
The Place to Be
The Place to Be, a Haiku
Place to Be
Like the Octopus
Love Your Arms
-- C.A. MacConnell
3/10/2024
Little Quirks.
Good morning. Positive thought for today, for me, for you: Thinking about little quirks I love about myself...
I always have ice cream and cookies on Saturday night; the flavor/brand varies, although I don't like high-end stuff.
I love to drive, and I always have. In college, they called me "Driverwoman." Also, "Snake," but I won't tell you why unless it's in person, ha.
I can do calligraphy.
I love my out-of-control eyebrows; they're long, thick, and hilarious, and I never touch them.
Lately, I love Chris Brown's music...I like the hint of vulnerability in his voice, and I like his songwriting b/c it packs a duality of feeling...never just one vibe; always dynamic, which is interesting. One of my favorite songs is "How We Roll" by Ciara and Chris Brown, and it's a great example of his technique -- he somehow delivers melancholy and joy in one line, and it's intriguing to me. I also love Yung Bleu & Kehlani - "Beautiful Lies." Same kind of vibe. But I was a music writer for many years, and I also love every other style of music. I adore any song with powerful drums. When Pearl Jam comes on, I go wild every time, the same way I have since 1992 -- I know every word, every note, every drumbeat, every howl or scream; it's hilarious to watch, because I can imitate Vedder's voice. I can also imitate Shannon Hoon and Axl Rose, and it's pretty right on the nose. Pretty funny if you catch me.
What's something unique about you? What do you love about yourself?
Tell me on social media. You can find my page in my bio. :)
Love,
C.A. MacConnell
I always have ice cream and cookies on Saturday night; the flavor/brand varies, although I don't like high-end stuff.
I love to drive, and I always have. In college, they called me "Driverwoman." Also, "Snake," but I won't tell you why unless it's in person, ha.
I can do calligraphy.
I love my out-of-control eyebrows; they're long, thick, and hilarious, and I never touch them.
Lately, I love Chris Brown's music...I like the hint of vulnerability in his voice, and I like his songwriting b/c it packs a duality of feeling...never just one vibe; always dynamic, which is interesting. One of my favorite songs is "How We Roll" by Ciara and Chris Brown, and it's a great example of his technique -- he somehow delivers melancholy and joy in one line, and it's intriguing to me. I also love Yung Bleu & Kehlani - "Beautiful Lies." Same kind of vibe. But I was a music writer for many years, and I also love every other style of music. I adore any song with powerful drums. When Pearl Jam comes on, I go wild every time, the same way I have since 1992 -- I know every word, every note, every drumbeat, every howl or scream; it's hilarious to watch, because I can imitate Vedder's voice. I can also imitate Shannon Hoon and Axl Rose, and it's pretty right on the nose. Pretty funny if you catch me.
What's something unique about you? What do you love about yourself?
Tell me on social media. You can find my page in my bio. :)
Love,
C.A. MacConnell
3/09/2024
If You Know, You Know
If You Know, You Know
The other day, when I was working, my first delivery was to a mansion with a pond, an automatic gate, the whole nine. My second delivery was to a low-income apartment complex, one of the most tragic I've ever seen. If you've lived in a place like this, and I have in the past (for eight years), then you know the smell, and once you enter the hall, you breathe it in and for the rest of the day, you can't get the smell out of your nose. Basically, the smell=death.
Guess who tipped higher? Apartment people. Every single day, this is the trend.
And guess who has helped me carry heavy items from time to time? Women. Over the course of two years, not one man. Always, women.
Because if you know, you know, and you help.
As for material things, I have very little. But every single day, I'm struck by these powerful lessons in humility and giving.
The other day, when I was working, my first delivery was to a mansion with a pond, an automatic gate, the whole nine. My second delivery was to a low-income apartment complex, one of the most tragic I've ever seen. If you've lived in a place like this, and I have in the past (for eight years), then you know the smell, and once you enter the hall, you breathe it in and for the rest of the day, you can't get the smell out of your nose. Basically, the smell=death.
Guess who tipped higher? Apartment people. Every single day, this is the trend.
And guess who has helped me carry heavy items from time to time? Women. Over the course of two years, not one man. Always, women.
Because if you know, you know, and you help.
As for material things, I have very little. But every single day, I'm struck by these powerful lessons in humility and giving.
C.A. MacConnell
P.S. Let me just add, I am grateful for any and all work. This was just an observation I've made since 2021...just my experience, and I found it interesting.
P.S. Let me just add, I am grateful for any and all work. This was just an observation I've made since 2021...just my experience, and I found it interesting.
3/08/2024
Orange, Amber
I tend to befriend the wild, free, rulebreakers. They're often late, unresponsive, or they disappear for stretches of time, but our time together is priceless. I've noticed that I seek it out; I suppose that's because I have a piece of this "distance" inside of me as well. Ha, it is what it is. I love it, though, and I've become accustomed to it. My friend Amber's like that. She's on her way out...of this world anyhow. I visited her last night. We knew each other throughout childhood and then, our friendship circled back later in life. When we came together later, it was as if no time had passed at all. Awesome. Laughing, getting deep, the whole gamut. People like her know how to dig deep, and they know how to play hard. People like her don't hold back. Grinning as I write this.
I love the wild.
I love the wild.
C.A. MacConnell
3/07/2024
Car Lot
Took this while waiting on an oil change. Could be dumb, could be genius. Haha, sometimes a fine line. I'm leaning toward dumb, but I shared it anyway, because there's something I like about it. If I didn't say anything, maybe everyone would think it was genius and deep as all hell. LOL. Always good to laugh at yourself.
Hope you have a good day.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
Hope you have a good day.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
Jomo
The one in the picture is Jomo. Film shot. Here's a little haiku I wrote about these guys. There's a hidden meaning and story behind it. Hope you have a good day, C.A.
Pineapple
Pineapple!
Harambe, Dinner!
Jomo Wait.
C.A. MacConnell