Photo: Wolf.

Wolf

Wolf Haven

Nikon, 400 speed, b/w film, broken shutter. ;)

Happy Halloween, all!

Here's a fierce-looking wolf from eastern Washington. 👻😲😈🐺

Love 🠋

Me, C.A. MacConnell ❤😻

Frying Pan

Dear god, the nape of it.

He loves a pale Leo

in November.

His oxen senses,
his driving team,

pull him
into the dream of her

but today,
like yesterday,

there will be no lion,
no afternoon nap.

True, her axle neck
barely holds

her head and heart
together.

And listen
to the sound

of her noel voice.
True, her boy shape

is no pear.
In her hand,

there rests
no frying pan.

Nearly all month,
he has been loping

across the room --
ape-living;

here, empty hands
and empty arms

forever hang loose.
Secretly, he hopes

for a strange,
warm winter.

Home is pretty
this time of year.

He loves a pale Leo
in November.

Dear god, the awake of it.

C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Hills

Hills Are Easy

Sharon Woods

It's all about perspective, aye? <3

C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Covington, Skate

Covington, Skate

Hi there. This guy would fit well in THE HOUSE OF ANCHOR, my sophomore work of fiction, published in 2017, a fast-paced mystery straight out of the 90s. Gritty, full of slick voice. Check it out!

I would love to share this work of art with you! And my first book, GRIFFIN FARM, is available as well... :) That one is a mystery too; it's also a family drama...it shows how two families come together in the midst of tragedy...and this bond leads to magnificent healing. Hope you can pick up a copy.

I'm proud of both of these works, for sure.

Hope your day is peaceful. I am letting go, letting go, letting go of a lot of things lately. Like being hard on myself. Doesn't work for me, ha. I'm already a hard worker, so when I beat myself up, it's maddening. No more. I'm going to celebrate the progress and relax more instead. Want to join me?

If no one told you yet today...I love you,
C.A. MacConnell

💞💏

Photo: Young's

Young's Jersey Dairy

Yellow Springs, OH

Hi there. This was a film shot, on Nikon, 400 speed. Pretty cool, eh? I like the blur, the spookiness. I also dig Yellow Springs...try to visit pretty often to hike and such.

Hope you are well. I've felt more serene the past few days. I'm not being so hard on myself, which is a good plan. Be easy on you today...😌 Hey, maybe today I'll meet the love of my life or score that job of jobs or find my dream hobby. Or maybe I'll find some candy corn. Or maybe I'll just chill and see a film. Or do laundry, ha. Any way it goes, I'm rather accepting these days. Hey, I'm thrilled to be alive and seriously, that's enough.

My friend who had a stroke and a heart attack is now in miraculous recovery after months of struggling to live; I went to visit him, and he can now walk and talk. He remembers seeing me visit when all he could do was blink. I can't believe he remembers, but he does. There was a time when I was rendered motionless...I couldn't even blink as well as him, and seeing him right after his attack really took me back to my own trauma. Mine was caused by debilitating, catatonic depression. And I came back too. I can't believe I recovered either, but I did. Another friend just had successful brain surgery.

Wow. People, and their comebacks, are amazing. I guess that makes me amazing too. ;) Why not.

Love to you. 💕😙
C.A. MacConnell

Photo: West

West
Nikon, color, film.

C.A. MacConnell

Photos: Bicycles

Bicycles

Cleveland, OH

Aw, sweet. 🚴👫👭👬
C.A. MacConnell

Things Not Working Out: Preparation in Disguise

For the past...I dunno...four months at least, it's been a tale of this:  "things not working out." Loss of my job for reasons beyond my control, loss of relationships, a great amount of money stress, a gazillion resumes sent out, numerous interviews, and then, I started (and ended) three jobs in three months, maybe four...I've lost count. I haven't written a damn thing worth reading. Nothing has worked out. I'm not seeking perfection. See, one job, I had to leave because it was a delivery position, and the merch was just too heavy for me. Another didn't have hours. One was a three a.m. wake-up, which would be hard for anyone, but even harder for someone with sleep issues. One woman let me go for being "overqualified," even though I loved it. Very strange. Things like that.

One after another after another...nope, not right, not working out. And with it all...sleepwalking, dizziness, blurred vision, intense anxiety, and then some.

Yes, this morning, I'm feeling defeated, but on the other hand, I slept rather well last night, and I'm thinking about all of the things that I've learned over this rocky period of time -- how to have several, different, difficult, honest conversations, how to act with integrity no matter what, how to leave when it's not right for me, how to take care of myself, how to pay attention to my gut, and how to deal with endings in person, with strength of character. Mainly, the lessons have been about relationships in general, many concerning managers and owners -- how to face difficult conversations with my head held high, but with the utmost respect. It can be tricky, but I did it all with class.

There have been a lot of lessons in a short period of time. Really, it's kind of making my head spin. On one hand, I feel rather lost, but on the other hand, I feel strong and true, that through this whole experience, I know in my heart, without a doubt, that I have made the right decisions, that I have acted with kindness and professionalism, with a little added muscle, and that makes me feel, in the end, closer to my higher power.

I'm not sure what's next, but I know whatever comes, I will come to it armed with a whole world of new learning and more strength of character.

So this whole deal brings me to this:  sometimes, the experience won't happen as I planned, no, and the ending won't be as I expected, and there may be loss and disappointment, but perhaps there is something else here -- all of these setbacks, tests, and "experiences of things not working out" may have happened for a damn good reason. Perhaps they were preparing me for what comes next...for what does indeed work out, and I'll be more than ready.

Sometimes a higher power's lesson is deeper than we think. I sit here this morning with a lump in my throat, but my heart feels clean and true, and that is absolutely more important to me than any money, partnership, relationship, book deal, status, or position.

If things aren't working out for you, remember, maybe it's "preparation in disguise" straight from your higher power.

Peace out,💪💫💗
C.A. MacConnell

Wet Hooky

Scattered Showers

Lunken Bike Path

Sexy one for you today. :) Enjoy. Kind of reads like rain...on purpose. :) Love to you, C.A.

Wet Hooky

Go ahead. Come

down

softly.

Go ahead. Change your mind

and spit.

I have no say

in the way the sky

leaks.

Soak me heavy.

Send bullet-hail. Weigh

my brown hair down.

Darken all the light things –

everything alive, below,

exposed.

Whatever the season,

I'll still open

my mouth, letting my lower lip

hang loose, like an old horse.

I'll still let you touch

my tongue.

I'll still wait for you

to slide over me, over everything,

turning the world

clean or nasty.

I see your wet, wide work.

I see you water

this and that ground.

Some drops dance

for a penny-living.

Some drops

wear tap shoes -

sporadic, uncertain, polluted,

pausing for thunder,

no more than damp,

distant fingertips

pressing down dirty rooftops,

making gutter music.

Some hammer it home,

making surface skin sweat,

and the people hours become

all about the weather.

Go ahead. Come down

softly. Go ahead, change

your mind.

You are employed by the sky

I've found, and up there,

that’s where I’ll look for you --

in each, full moment

when the clouds spread.

You pour,

I sip.

We play hooky

in the lightning.

-- C.A. MacConnell

Milk Carton

Hi there. Saturday afternoon...just took a much-needed nap. I was looking at some old poems and writings and laughing to myself...in person, I'm really a lot more grounded than I appear on this blog, ha. Quiet a lot these days. Ah, well. I suppose the heart and the head don't always meet in the middle. Hope you have a good weekend, and you find what you seek. Much love to you, C.A.

Milk Carton

Proof of life:
Tangled hair, twisted throw.
The animal and I,
We wake.

Strange captor calls from the
Family.

Now, stretching. True, I'm no brow-beauty.
Some other missing girl will
Bring the ransom
Home.
She'll be a longer living wall fly.
Some say she'll stick.

Ground coffee, look here, I make the black
Law. I admit, it's a little

Strong.

Call the shepherds. They know
Blood.
Find the sign,
The lost shoe,
The search team, the one
Phone call,
The right or wrong
Words. Relatives know how to make a
Deal. Someone finds a bad sock,

A trace.

Hero, empty or full, don't forget the suit
case.

C.A. MacConnell

Photos: Skate Park

Skate Park

Miami Meadows

The top photo was one that I used for the cover of my 2017 work, THE HOUSE OF ANCHOR. If you haven't had the chance yet, check it out! It's a gritty mystery set in Seattle in the nineties, and the feedback has been magnificent. I'm proud of this work...it's slick with voice, and it moves with a fierce pace. I'd be honored to have you buy a copy and join me on my artistic journey.

Hope you are peaceful today. One day at a time, remember? Or one moment at a time, depending. Trust and faith. Sending out love, always. To the love of my life:  I hope to see you someday soon. Also, I'm sorry your soul mate, me, is so ridiculous.

💞💞💞💞💞C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Log Cabin

Log Cabin

Shawnee Lookout State Park

Continuing the spooky Halloween theme...this place definitely fits in. A house with stories buried within. Hope you like the shot...

C.A. MacConnell

Resume

Muscle
carries me in
each day
right on time.
I walk silently;
I rarely say, Hello,
but in my heart
live lions.

C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Crow

Crow

Milford, OH

Hope you like the shot. It's that hellish, spooky time of year again. Time to pay homage to one of the greats, Mr. Poe. 'Ligeia' and 'The House of Usher' are actually my favorites. But here's a section from a wicked poem from the master himself. C.A.

 

from The Raven

by Mr. Edgar Allan Poe, 1809 - 1849

...Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
“Surely," said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore—
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;—
      ‘Tis the wind and nothing more!”

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and
flutter,
In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or
stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber
door—
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door—
      Perched, and sat, and nothing more...

Photo: Falling.

Falling

Sharon Woods

One leaf, suspended by a cobweb. :) Hope you have a beautiful day.  I feel rather blessed. <3

C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Big Cat

Big Cat

Nikon, b/w, film.

C.A. MacConnell

Butterscotch and Charlie

When I was little, we had two hamsters -- Butterscotch and Charlie. Now, most of the time we kept them separate (for good reason). Despite this separation, every now and then my brother and I would take them out of the cages and torture them by putting them in our slippers and pretending that they were really riding around in space ships. Not sure if they liked the homemade space ships, but at the time, we sure thought that they enjoyed the adventures. Seemed like they dug the rides, especially when we made the following sound effects:  "Vroom, vroom, Roooommmmmbrrrrvroom, prooochhcrash." That is exactly accurate.

Unfortunately, we were not too careful when it came to watching the hamsters during their space ship travel. Soon after one of these excursions, Butterscotch started to look really fat. We told Mom that she looked fat, and Veterinary Mom made an "O" with her mouth, telling us that Butterscotch was going to have babies.

I was sure that Butterscotch's babies were from outer space, due to her slipper/moon travel. Intently watching the cage each day, I obsessively waited for the alien babies to arrive. Finally, one day, Butterscotch started popping out little hamsters, and when I excitedly crept up to her cage, I saw two tiny, disgusting, slimy beasts there. I had it all planned -- I was going to teach them distant planet travel, show them the ropes, you know. The possibilities were thrilling. But when I looked a little closer, I discovered something horrifying. Butterscotch was licking...no...chewing on...no...eating her babies. And I realized that there might have been more little ones before I got there, that two or three were probably already gone. Mesmerized, I watched and watched. Definitely, she was downing them, and it was nasty. Confused, I ran to get Mom.

When Mom observed Butterscotch's behavior, she made this weird face -- a face that flipped between grossed out and over-the-top calm; I suppose that Mom was trying to hide her terror.

I yelled, "Mom! Save the babies!"

Mom shooed me away, but after some time passed, when I returned to the cage, only Butterscotch and Charlie were there. I decided that Mom saved the babies, and I was convinced that they went back to their planet where they came from. I knew all about E.T. and such. During this whole catastrophic scene, Charlie just hung out, ate, and then ran on his wheel.

Not long after, they both disappeared. And so did the cage. And a black toy poodle appeared in its place -- Pepper. Pepper lost her shit with a delivery man, then my brother, and then Pepper disappeared, and a white Maltese appeared in her place -- Tater, aka, Mrs. Potato Head. (My name choice). Tater stuck around for about 100 years. Even when she only had one toe left, Tater was still alive.

To this day, when asked about Butterscotch, Mom changes the subject or starts running the disposal. She even swears that Charlie's name was Caramel, Biscuit, or something cute and edible. Today, now that I'm mature, I've uncovered the real story. Now I know that Pepper is living with an old lady on a farm, Tater's foot is still breathing and comforting a baby, Butterscotch got on a space ship and went to join her babies on their home planet, and Charlie went to Europe to continue his career as a salesman/gigolo.

C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Gracie.

Gracie.

C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Paul.

Paul

C.A. MacConnell

The Director

The Director

Today, you could save the
world
through shadowy scenes,
or you could visit
the real
girl,
or you could rest your head down
and finally drift
off.

C.A. MacConnell

Bloodlines.

 Jomo

Cincinnati Zoo, Nikon, b/w film

Bloodlines

The octopus
has three

hearts
and nine

brains.
A blue whale's

heart weighs
1,500 pounds.

Female
killer whales

experience
menopause.

Orangutans
are ticklish.

In a herd,
nearly the last

eight wild
prairie horses

graze slowly,
never

a race.
The old

stallion
rears up,

one fellow
showing

his ribs.

-- C.A. MacConnell

Photo: One Feather

One Feather

C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Barn Aisle

Barn Aisle

Loveland, OH

Hope you're all having a lovely day. And happy birthday Mimi, hope you're having fun in heaven...I know you are. LOVE,

C.A. MacConnell

Hairline

Sweaty-wet wings live
In the front row, near
Your temples.
Some tips hover now, reaching out,
Sharply.
Some settle down, half-covering your
Eyes. Some shoot the dark,
Wrong way, no more
Than bars against the skin, making homes
On a smooth brow bone.
You run a hand through the chaotic,
Flyaway hair. Maybe you just rolled out of
Somewhere, a place
Where only her breath
Moves
The part of you
That is wheat.

C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Elephant.

Elephant...Jati I think

Cincinnati Zoo

C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Look Up.

Look Up

Miami Meadows

C.A. MacConnell

A Good Hand

Me, Nikon, b/w film.

Here's a poem for you...kinda fierce. Hope you feel well today. I've been catching up on sleep and having weird dreams and STILL job hunting. I've never been let go for doing a great job and working my ass off happily in 90 degree weather and showing up early and being "overqualified" before, but now I have. That's what the word was..."overqualified." Moral of the story:  put in 50%, not 100%, hahahhahahahah. Weird! Guess the universe wants me elsewhere. I am poor, buy my book, hahahaha. Much love, always. C.A.

A Good Hand

She’s not playing any

War.

Maybe some stray cats suck cigars.
They like to bet.
They like to watch.
Others play poker in the
Basement.

She returns for

More.

Maybe some like to
Fish.
Maybe by the river, an all-day game
With the packed cooler,
And the bait,
And the hook.

Always, she wishes for a good

Hand.

She can’t live

With the broken zipper.
The only fix
Is the face, and some kind of

Reality, like blue
Eyeshadow.

-- C.A. MacConnell