Self, Bo.

 

Funny story. When I walked in with new hair and glasses, Bo, the dog, looked at me with great surprise and confusion, as if to say, "Oh, hello stranger." And then, he registered the change and began running and tearing around all over the place, grabbing toys. He may be a little guy, but he's smart as hell. And very human at times, for sure. He has anxiety like me. I like toys too. Ha! Caught you off guard there, didn't I? I have many curveballs. Welcome to my brain.

I feel like I need to wear a T-shirt that says, "Not gay or trans. Ask me about my hair. Rather, I am waiting for my mothership. If you want a label for me, there it is. Call me E.T. I am me, whatever that proves to be at any given moment. Right now, I am a girl who likes cookies, although last night I ODed on icing, and today, I'm cutting back. In the nineties, we didn't label anything. We just wore flannel shirts and screwed whoever."

Good morning. I've been disheartened about all of the AI books coming out and such, as I've spent my whole life perfecting my craft (and continue to do so). But I will continue to use my brain and talents the same way. And I won't use AI to create books, no way. I pour my heart and soul into my work, and I will continue in this manner, with everything -- creation, writing, design and editing. 

I don't feel that a computer is a replacement for all-authentic art. I want to daily celebrate my gifts and use my talent for "pulling dialogue out of thin air," which is fun. Yesterday, I couldn't take a nap because dialogue and standup ideas were pouring into my brain, all collected from my journey of the day. I have a knack for that kind of thing. And no one can do it like me! Not a robot, not a computer, no way. :) XO. It's awesome. And I will continue to share it with you.

My sixth book is roaming around in my brain as I type to you. So are comedy ideas, song ideas, and the like. And the way I create and process things...well...it is essential to my life and recovery. It keeps me alive. It is a God-given gift, and I plan to continue to use it! 

I'd like to share my songs with people soon as well. Let's see how it all unfolds. I am stubborn about wanting to use a real piano to play to folks, not a keyboard. So, that puts a little roadblock there, ha. I may get a digital piano, we'll see. I'm mulling it over. I may just record in the churches and put it out there.

I've never made much money off of my books. They're amazing, actually. I know it, and I feel confident about my work. All of my books are both fast-paced and literary, which is a treat. But without a famous name or a major publisher, it is damn hard to promote! So, word of mouth is still my friend. I suppose, when I'm dead, they'll take off, like poor Vincent, the painter. Hi, Vincent, if you're in heaven watching me type. You rock. Fuck the haters.

Cool story. One night, I made a late delivery, and I happened to hand my card to the customer. She read the card, looked up at me with surprise, and said, "You're C.A. MacConnell? I read 'The Hole!' You are so talented." I chuckled. It was a thrill to connect. My cool little brush with fame. It happens sometimes. Out and about, someone will ask me about my characters as if they're real people. Like this, "I'm worried about what's going to happen to Mary." Ha.

Just saying hi. I'm enjoying becoming "new," so to speak. I look rather different, and I suppose it's reflecting the inner changes. I'm just glad Bo the dog approves! Ha. I got two new tats as well. And let me tell you, tats hurt more when you're older. As Tommy, the artist says, it feels "spicy." That nails it. Ha.

Thank you for supporting my art. If you leave a review, I'd be thrilled. Pass on the word. I have dedicated my life to my craft, and I will continue to use my God-given talents, without artificial aid. Yes! 

Love to you. You are part of my journey. You are in my heart. XO. Thank you.
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Self.

 

Here I am at 51. I had fun with Andrew the barber today! Hope you're having a great Sunday. And I hope you get a chance to check out my books! Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

💗💓💥🔥🔥Feeling fired up! And naughty. And wild and unpredictable. Feels great. Also, time for a nap, ha. <3

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

School Doesn't Pay 2, Hot Cocoa

 

School Doesn't Pay 2

Hot Cocoa

Good afternoon. Just some recent shots I took.

I just woke up from the nap, and I was dreaming. In the dream, I was at some kind of lake vacation house, and I met a painter named Zach, and he was tall, and he had curly hair, medium length. He smiled and showed me a painting, and he said he just finished it and then, he disappeared behind a tree branch; he ventured into his house with his family. I loved his creation, but I can't remember what it looked like.

Anyway, I woke up excited to be on vacation, ha. And to meet a Zach. In my real life, I don't know anyone named Zach, come to think of it. Strange.

There is so much going on in this world, and I am not ignoring that. But when I post, and when I spend time on social media, I like to share from my experience or my heart. Or make folks laugh. Create some kind of time away. 

I suppose that's why I write my books as well. Helps me, helps you. That kind of thing...is my hope.

Have a nice evening. With the rest of my day, I plan to attempt to stay positive and not allow my anxiety to grab me. To be present for myself and others. 

Hope you like the photos. I was wondering who might live inside the second. Not sure...seems like someone's in there. Maybe Zach, ha.

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Happy Easter...and Some Photos

Banana

Granite

Fan

Easter Egg

Good afternoon. Here are some shots I took today. And I was into bright colors on my walk, for some reason. Usually, I think/see things more in black and white. But today was different. Just how I've been rolling lately. I've been rather wild and unpredictable, and I'm enjoying it.

Weatherwise, today was a perfect day! Not too hot, not too cold, a breeze. Awesome. What a great day to reconnect with the moment. <3 I think I walked like six miles, an old route I used to take. I saw my Pit Bull friend, but I didn't see my German Shepherd friend, bummer. I did see a new character on the scene, though, a Rottweiler; he's not used to me yet. The others are. I also saw a heron, a cardinal, and some pigeons. They were cooing like mad. I think they were welcoming me back; they live under a certain bridge.

I have some change occurring, for sure. My first reaction to change is fear, then anger, then sadness, then fear again and sometimes, excitement. I've simply been allowing myself to roll through it all.

Sometimes I feel a mix of everything.

I am an intense "feeler," for sure. But I wouldn't trade it. You see, it allows me to dream and create while I'm walking. This afternoon, I thought of ideas and storylines for where I want my sixth book to go. Rad. I also thought of some standup ideas...I'll be doing my third attempt soon. The first time, I got some laughs. The second time, I killed it. Now I have to beat that and so, there's pressure, haha. I'm stoked.

At the moment, I feel rather peaceful. And happy. And dreamy. Yes. XO. I have a feeling that God has something wonderful planned for me. :) And the past few years have been preparation. Indeed. 

Hope you have a happy Easter! A few times, since I shaved my head, I've caught a glimpse of myself in a side mirror, and I jumped...because, for a moment, I thought, "Who's that?" Then I realized it was me. Wacky.

Love to you.
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Hello. Books.

 

Good afternoon. Here is a photo I took when I was working on my second novel, I believe. I had just printed it out...the actual pages. <3 Hope you're having a great day. I love this photo. I went to the barber, and I loved it. XO. 

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Just Saying Hello.

 

Hi there. How are you? Just saying hello. Here's a selfie from last week. Very recent. Proof of life, ha. It's not my usual expression, but I thought it was amusing and so, I posted it. My hair has been driving me wild. I may shave it or go for a Mohawk, not sure which one. Wanna do it for me? That'd be helpful.

Thank you to those supporting my books! If you haven't had a chance to check them out, I have four fiction works and one nonfiction. Right here. Or you can click/touch any of the book covers on the right side of this page, and it'll take you right there -- description and purchase info. 

I did all of the work. I created, wrote, edited, and designed each one, inside and out. I even did the cover art. Sweet. No AI, no assistance, just me. :) If you want to support independent art, here I am! Independent as all hell.

The novels all have a mystery element, and they're all intense, but they're not without humor and light as well. I guarantee you'll never forget the ride. They're all literary but fast paced. That's my niche. Also, dialogue is my specialty. XO. 

The nonfiction book, RECOVER WILDLY:  DAILY SPIRITUAL ESSAYS FOR SURVIVORS, is my latest. People have been loving it...some read it as a daily reflection type book; others read it all the way through. It's written to work both ways.

Well, I'm sitting here having macaroni and cheese...white cheddar, to be exact. And an avocado. I've been overwhelmed by the expense all around; everyone has been struggling. But right now, I have everything I need. 

Right now. Right here, right now. I hear a little bird. I'd like to be a bird, actually. I really would.

I'm excited because I now have a perfect place to practice piano and write songs. My little, secret place. Not so secret. Everyone knows I'm in there. But it's safe, and I don't get in trouble, ha. I'm also excited about Book Six. I guess I'm about fifty pages in. As is my custom, at the moment, it's a mess. All of my books begin with a mess, and I'm not worried.

Hope you're having an amazing day. Hope your life is peaceful. I suppose I can decide to have peace in this moment. I feel a little spark of adventure in my heart too, and that's nice. 

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Intuitive Thought, March 1, March. And a Note to You.

 
Intuitive Thought

March 1

March

Hi there. I took these photos today; I'm really happy with how they turned out.

A Note to You. March 15, 2026

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about AI...

I just wanted to mention that I've dedicated my life to the craft of writing. For over thirty years, I've studied and worked hard to both enjoy and perfect all of my work, from poetry to fiction to nonfiction, and then some. I have studied numerous genres, everything from medical copy to screenwriting to journalism to music writing to...obviously, writing novels and nonfiction books. 

I've really tackled the gamut, and I continue to do so. For my books, I do copious amounts of research and sometimes, the inspiration comes from strange places -- strangers, other books, photos, magazine pictures, friends, you name it. I'm always hunting and learning. I'm as curious as they come.

I have a master's degree in English and Creative Writing and for that, I am grateful.

I created, edited, wrote, and designed all of my books. There was absolutely no use of AI in any of my work. And in the future, there will be no use of AI.

I will continue to create authentic art...in the same way that I have for many years. XO. Straight from my tricky brain to you. I realize that the world is changing, and what others do is not of my concern. But I strongly feel that this is the right route for me. I want to share to you from my experience, heart, and soul. I want to share my life, my mind, my darkness, my lightness, my hopes and dreams. And I want to continue to expand my craft authentically.

The way my brain works...indeed, there is a label for it; however, as much as it can be difficult to harness my thinking when it comes to certain aspects of daily living, when writing, it is an absolute gift. See, without even trying, every moment of the day, I file away dialogue, scenes, descriptions, and the like. People often say that I'm quiet. I suppose that's why. I am constantly writing, without even trying. And later, when I'm actually writing and rolling, the words I've "stored away" just come flying out of my brain, as if from nowhere.

A true gift. Awesome. It took me many, many years to understand this truth.

Just wanted to share that with you. I also wanted to thank you for supporting my work. In every way, the creativity that stems from me keeps me alive. I am grateful for this gift, and I am grateful that God has given me numerous opportunities to keep right on growing. 

I have begun to write my sixth book, and it is fiction, and I will create it in the same way that I approached my other five; that is, directly from my mind and experience. And I will edit it the same way as well; that is, directly from my eyes and hands. I am proud of my creations. I am proud of my gift. And I will continue to share it with you, without the use of anything artificial.

Today, I have a rare day off from making deliveries. As far as my photos, I take the same approach. I don't use photoshop. I take one shot, in the moment, and what you see is the shot I took. I merely tinker with lighting, and that is all, but I approach it as if it is film. 

Just sharing my approach and my plans as I move forward in this ever-changing world. I had a beautiful walk today, and I've noticed that lately, the sunrises have been incredibly moving. Glorious, indeed.

So, from here, I plan to chisel away at Book Six, write songs on piano and sing, take photos, crack up as much as I can, and drive around on delivery adventures. My life is extremely simple, but it gives me the time and freedom to create. <3

Love to you. XO.

Thank you. Thank you for supporting my all-original art. Thank you for being here. I hope that your day is amazing. Maybe I'll see you out and about. Sending love and light to you. I hope your life is happy and peaceful. Again, thank you.

From my heart, C.A. MacConnell

Fitted Suit

Good afternoon. I wrote this just now. Hope you like it...have a great evening. XO, C.A. MacConnell

Fitted Suit

Right now, below me,
the neighbors pound the ground,
mumbling and shifting,
sweeping and stirring.
Boot steps. Voices. High pitches
turning to thunder.

With each sound, I shift,
tossing, no, jerking on the couch,
and I ask God to show me
the next right thing. I hear,
You have done enough. Wait
and see. First, get centered. Now, rise.

And then, I see a pure, pink
crowd vision of you. I call it
a glow-smile. There is such a thing.
Your skin is polished softly tan;
each cheek holds a golden hue.
You are dressed in a fitted suit.
Sudden wind. Long hair blown
left. No, right. And in one strange

moment of stillness, right now,
I believe that you see a clean,
green vision of me. I call it
a glow-smile. There is such a thing.
Awake, in this instant, face freshly
washed, I stand up to the underworld,
laughing at the noise.

C.A. MacConnell

Return, Lost Glove 74

 
Return

Lost Glove 74

I took the first one today. The other I took a week ago. I find them to give off a strikingly different vibe, for sure. Hope you have a good evening. I plan on starting my day over right now! Sometimes, that is necessary. It's OK to be a human being, ha. Hope you enjoy my photos. XO.

Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

Pray, Take Action, Wait, Pray.

Good afternoon. Love to you. Time to write!

Well! I've had repeated lessons in this:  pray, take action, wait, pray. Pray, take action, wait, pray. Pray, take action, wait, pray. Wait, wait some more. Now, I'm better at the "doing" than I am at the "waiting," I admit.

Recently, these series of circumstances or "battles," if you will, have happened to me regarding several big events in my life that have heavily pressed on my "fear buttons."

Certainly, with the first challenge, it rolled out haphazardly and proved to be incredibly messy, although I got through it, and it made me recognize the power of my fear...and how it can really destroy me if I allow it to take a hold. And it made me recognize my need to reach out for help and have faith in my higher power, to really trust. Trust. Aye, lessons in trust. For me, that means reaching out to friends, family, professionals, and listening for the answers on how to take the next step.

Humbling, indeed.

Now, I am in the middle of another similar situation. Pray, take action, wait, pray, take action, wait, pray. Here I am again. And again, it is challenging, but I am not allowing it to have the same amount of power. I'm proud of myself for this. Taking each step as it comes, I'm trusting and letting it unfold. 

I can't say I'm happy about the slow nature of how it's unfolding, no. The waiting is hard for me, for sure. But it creates a certain amount of integrity as well.

Life is challenging for everyone, I know. Events come at us from many different directions and sometimes, I honestly feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. And other times, I'll wonder how the hell something will work out. I suppose I'm thinking that thought right now. How the hell is this going to work out? Damn.

Not sure, to tell you the truth. I have no idea. I know what I desire but at this point, I have no control over whether or not that will happen. And perhaps, what I desire is not the best outcome. I don't know. More will be revealed. 

Maybe you are facing something similar. People around you are doing awful things, or events are unfolding in a jolting manner. Maybe the process to get through it is as slow as all hell, frustrating and demanding. That's what's happening to me. This morning, I took some action and now, I'm waiting, trying to take care of myself the best I can, trying to make wise decisions. 

And of course, talking to God all along the way.

It is uncomfortable. It is real. It is character-building. It is a chance to practice making repeated decisions to react to life's events in a new way. It is a chance to change the outcome that may have happened in the past. And that is why it is so difficult.

It is hard to look inward. It is hard to grow. It feels strange, unfamiliar, and shall I say, inherently sketchy. I find myself thinking things like this:  whoa, that move was risky. But was it risky? Or simply, new...and that feels like a leap in my mind.

I will write again when I get through this one. I'm sure I'll have another perspective. When faced with something jarring, I'm learning to pause and give the emotions time to settle, then persevere.

Tough stuff.

I hope that this day turns out peaceful for you. This morning, I made a decision to not allow others' actions to have power over my day, and I am sticking to that decision. After all, all we have is this moment. And I deserve peace. And so do you.

Perhaps I have helped you with my transparency. Remember to be gentle with yourself when you're learning new things. And I will do the same.

Pray, take action, wait, trust.

Wish me luck.

Sending love and light to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Redirection. Turn it around.

Good evening. What is it you are holding on to that keeps you separate from folks? Distant? Unable to love and be loved?

I'm asking myself that question just now. Those are big questions, I realize this.

So, what keeps me separate? Today, what strikes me is this:  obsession and fear, for sure. When I get overly focused and wrapped up in fear, it makes me self-obsessed, and I give off a vibe that scares people, no doubt; however, I will say that obsession can be used for good as well...for instance, when writing!

So, when I channel it correctly, I can use it as a positive force. 

And so, the key is to recognize obsession and fear not as a "red flag" per say; but rather, to notice that when I am going there, it is simply my brain's way of saying this:  either use your gift or get around people.

Redirection, rather than shame. XO.

I've never met anyone who doesn't feel fear. I'm certain that I obsess more than many folks, for sure...but like I said, when channeled correctly, it is a gift. Five books. Ha.

Tricky, indeed. But here I am, writing to you, using this gift. And maybe, just by putting this out there, I can help you as well.

Today, I worked hard, and I made a good haul for a Monday. But what was the sweetest part of my day? When I held the hand of an elderly lady and helped her walk across the parking lot, one step at a time. She had just gotten out of the hospital, and as we walked, she said, "It's a bitch getting old." I smiled and nodded, and we continued on our way. Before that moment, I was rather caught up in feeling my physical pain. But while I held her hand, I forgot about it.

Redirection is key. Help someone, whether it be in a parking lot or typing to you.

This winter has been extreme for these parts. I have had many challenges, beyond the weather. And I'm sure you have as well. If you're afraid right now, maybe your body is telling you to use your gifts. Like me.

I've been forgetting something very important. We are divine. At any moment, I can turn it around. And so can you.

Slow it down. Redirection. Turn it around. I'm in.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Hi There. Self.

Good morning. I found a couple of hats at the dollar store. Good hats are hard to find, and I was happy, ha. Literally, I became excited. I am easily amused. I have suddenly developed a liking for orange. It's strange; it just happened. Today, I'm taking a rare day off, and I plan to celebrate orange, wearing this hat again. Ha. What the hell, why not. A day celebrating orange. My secret holiday. 

Actually, I can't stand holidays. But it is fun when I decide to make the day my own, secret holiday. Feels kind of magical and special. Singing and playing piano makes me feel that way as well. I plan to take a walk today, and I will imagine that I am an orange superhero with a skill for consuming magic.

Life is short. Why not live inside the dream. Truth be told, I worry a lot...that's putting it mildly...and the distraction of imagination is helpful.

Anyway, just saying hello. This photo was taken last night. Sending love and light to you. XO.

Thank you for supporting my art! Hope you get a chance to check out my books. Here is my author page. You know, from time to time, folks approach me about my characters in the fiction works. And other times, people comment on my nonfiction one, RECOVER WILDLY:  DAILY SPIRITUAL ESSAYS FOR SURVIVORS. I must say, it's often strange and surreal when it happens. But it's fun too. They talk about my characters as if they're friends...and indeed, the characters live inside of me as friends. Oftentimes, they'll pop into my head, as if they're real people from my past. :) Rad. Often, they visit me. 

Yes, I frequently exist outside of the real world, ha. But you know what? It makes life more intense, sacred, and unique to me. 

Also, I hope you get a chance to check out my talk at the Northern Hills Unitarian. More to come. This is a little dream of mine, to speak and travel. And so, it begins. 

I have a sixth book started, a love story I think, although my mind has been veering toward scary stuff too and so, I'm letting it roll. Usually, I surprise myself.

Hope you are well and happy.

Don't forget to join me in my writing world. I think you'll be surprised. I think you'll be hooked. Indeed.

Thank you. I hope you stop and think about how beautiful you are. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Northern Hills Gathering, Unitarian. My First Talk for Recover Wildly.

Good afternoon, I just came back from a snow walk. <3

If you'd like to see my first talk about my fifth book, RECOVER WILDLY, and if you'd like to hear some of my story, check out this link for the video of the service from this past Sunday! 

Yeah!

I wasn't going to watch it because frankly, it's hard to watch oneself, and that day I happened to be very stressed about outside stuff and so, it was challenging. But I also wanted to see how it came across, etc. So, I did. And guess what? I watched it, and I was proud. And I was pleased, and I have ideas too. I hope to make some other speaking engagements soon. :) XO.

Thank you so much for your support. Spread the word. Pass it on. Word of mouth is my friend. Or share the video if you like. Maybe it'll help some folks. Rad.

I need a nap! 
<3
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Speaking Sunday!

Hi there. It's been a while. Just wanted to let you know that I'll be speaking this Sunday, February 1st. Where? The Gathering at Northern Hills, a Unitarian Universalist Community. Address is 460 Fleming Rd. Cincinnati, OH  45231. 

Here is the site for the church.

Service begins at 10:45 a.m. 

I'll tell some of my story, and I'll be talking about my fifth book, RECOVER WILDLY:  DAILY SPIRITUAL ESSAYS FOR SURVIVORS.

Come on out! I'd love to see you. I'm excited. Perhaps I'll post a video about it on FB later today, but I have to get cleaned up from working out in this slick mess, ha.

Hope you're well and happy. And staying warm. We've had quite a storm, but we were lucky considering what others faced!

Thank you for supporting my books. My Author page is here.

Hope to see you at the church Sunday.

Grateful. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Seagull

 

Good afternoon. Saw this guy on my walk today. I was able to get pretty close too. :) Hope you're having a great day. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

The Rut

Life. As of late, I've been considering how strong the pull of the "old self" proves to be. I suppose that statement is kind of cool, since I recognize the fact that there is a "new self." Yes.

Daily, I have glimpses of the new peace. I am experiencing a taste of the acknowledgement of my unbelievable strength and courage. I have moments of seeing how amazing my journey has been. 

And it has been...amazing. Unbelievable at times.

Like many folks, it's a miracle that I'm still here. Let's just say, I am a fucking warrior. The memoir is already written. That's right, the whole shebang, an entire book. But I feel I wrote it for myself, not to share with the world. Someday I may rewrite and reconsider, I'm not sure.

You see, most days, I'm doing a lot better than I think I am, so to speak. Over the holidays, I had a bumpy spot, for sure, and it is still lingering. "In a rut," as some might say. Indeed.

But as I'm writing to you, I realize the "rut" isn't about losing everything, as I sometimes fear. Instead, it's just a blip that I'm pushing through.

And oftentimes, I'll think it has to do with outside shit. For instance, I'll want to fix things or control the course of my life. But really, what it has to do with is another level of trusting my higher power. Getting to this place has been quite messy, as I've trooped through some ugly feelings. And I'm still trooping, I admit. It has to do with staying put, feeling the feelings, and allowing events to unfold. Tough stuff.

So, here I am.

When I wrote my fifth book, I was thinking a lot about love, all kinds of love. I was longing for it, I suppose. Certainly, I was getting in touch with the child inside. And sometimes, I was longing for love from a person or persons.

Nothing wrong with that. Love between people is beautiful. But there is more...

Now, I'm coming more into a place of learning that speaks of this:  the love is already there. There is no need to search. It is all around you. It is within you. Screw the rut. You are stronger than this. I can't say I'm in this place all of the time but when I am, it is magnificent.

As humans, we seek outside reminders, I guess. And the reason for this, in my case, usually stems from shame. And so, when I'm not strong enough, I look to the outside for reinforcement. For me, the "love reminders" come from people, nature, animals, and the like. But it always rolls in, when I ask for the connection. 

But really, it's inside. Like people say, You can't find a true soul partner until you love yourself. Easy to say, harder to internalize. <3 And also, it's an impossible expectation to look to one person to fill all of the needs. Rather, it comes from multiple sources.

See where it comes from. Notice. Go there.

Thank you for being here. You are an important part of my journey, sharing these words with me. I'll tell you what I need to hear:  you're OK. God loves you, and if you're looking for an answer, just listen. And if you're in a "rut," that's all right; it'll change. It always does. I'm ready to rock and roll. Are you?

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Lens of Love

Did you ever notice the words that they use in the weather report? I've been checking it out lately, making a note. Or news titles? They repeatedly use words like this:  "plummet, warning, dead, recalled, severe, disappointing, loneliness, stuck, haircut, disappeared, money, steer clear, near-death, massacre, top ten, your health, worried, quitting, kidnapped, oppressive"...you get the drift.

When I was little, the news had some scary reports, sure...but it wasn't so driven by fear. There were stories about neighborhoods and displays of kindness. There were highlights of artists. Some days, musicians rocked out live tunes right in the middle of the morning report. Perhaps there was a showcase dedicated to a certain individual who was making a difference, helping folks. Half of the news cast would depict groups gathering together to participate in the community, to do good works.

What has happened? Fear. Fear. Fear. Recently, I heard someone say that there are only two primary emotions:  love and fear. If there's fear, there's no love. And fear is a lie.

So, where is the love? Where...is...the...love?

During my workdays, when I'm aware, I see the love all around. I really attempt to focus on the little things...which, in my opinion, are everything. See, these people who consistently touch my heart day in, day out, are golden to me. I have key relationships with folks who trudge through the days with me, and there is great love present within our inside jokes and simple existence. When I think about it right now, it warms my heart. Every day, I'm surrounded by this love, when I see the light. Love can come from various sources. Oftentimes, I expect it to come from one certain source but then, I come upon a surprise, and that particular person may not fill the need, so to speak. Instead, love rolls in from some stranger, or an animal, or an acquaintance, and the like. I always try to appreciate this random love but sometimes, I get caught up in the fear of the world as well.

Notice where the love is coming from, I tell myself. Revel in that.

For everyone, I'm sure it's hard to maintain a distance from the outside pressure of fear at times.

When I think about my life, my goals, my dreams, I suppose this daily love is key in pushing me forward. Big wins are fun, sure, but daily love and connection equal steadier contentment. When I'm aware of this support, I'm more in touch with the divine nature of things as well.

When someone is passing away, no one is present for the show, taking selfies, and the like. We are there to hold a hand, to shed a tear, to be present to for a beautiful life. Real. Genuine. Soulful. And as far as I can tell, none of us are getting out of here alive. And so, the day-to-day fear is a lie. The love is what matters.

Remember. Your heart. Remember. Look around. Focus on the heart of it all.

I am telling myself as well. Fear is a lie. I understand these words, but it's harder to own it, take it to heart, and experience it, living my life through the lens of love.

Today, I am putting this thought at my heart's center.

And also, I don't know. As I walk about my day, I could be a part of someone else's experience of love too. And it may be something extremely necessary, even if I don't even realize my contribution to someone's life. Let me be that person today.

I also heard this:  "Are you going to look for the pile of shit? Or are you going to look for the pony?" Ha, I'm trying to see the "pony;" that is, to see the world through the lens of love.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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P.P.P.S. Have a great evening. I intend to. ;) <3 Hope you liked my essay. I've been writing a great deal of music, and it's fun. <3

Christina the Cheerleader

I just did a fun little exercise. I often check my blog stats on here, and I decided to put it to use. Well, I glanced at the hits on my blog from the past 24 hours, and I wrote down all of the titles that people hit. And I made a poem out of it. A little challenge. I never run out of ideas or things to write about. So, this is what came out of that. I thought I'd share it. I'll probably turn it into a short story. Just sharing some secrets to things that spark me. <3 C.A.

Christina the Cheerleader

In the middle
of group dessert,
Christina,
the cheerleader,
the special kind,
glances out
the window
and says, Good
morning, sky.
Slow reaction
begs for repetition.
Louder,
she announces,
Good morning, sky,
I believe you
are telling me
the time is eleven.
Even on holidays,
she is in the game,
noting her audience,
the score,
and the room,
watching the spread
of smiles.
And near her right
leg, two, anxious dogs
wait for a scrap
of pumpkin pie
from her, the chosen
carver, the guest
who dines with strange
neighbors, the festive,
welcoming folks
on the other end
of the cul-de-sac.
The mom responds,
Tell the truth.
Be the truth.
The dad says,
I’m just saying hello
and happy holidays.
Still in love
at 70 and 71,
both complain
of lost gloves.
Christina nods,
and the house
is quiet. Outside
of school,
back home,
most days are.
Quiet.
But just in case,
even in the shower,
she wears a whistle.

C.A. MacConnell

Good Morning. Proof of Life and Happy Holidays.

 

Good morning. Here is a rather serious, recent pic of me, wishing you a happy holiday. I suppose I prefer serious photos even though most want "smilers." Ha. This is me, no AI, none of that shit. Although, the lighting is helpful for sure! Ha. The worst lighting, I've found, exists in retail bathrooms. Also, in doctor's offices and hospitals. Hello, circus clown. Just wanted to bring a personal touch to my holiday message. Maybe I'll make it my profile photo, red eye and all. Ha. Selfies are overrated in my opinion. I mean, people can post on social media all day long, and we may have no idea about what's really going on in their lives. I try to be real, but the struggles and truths we face are often hidden to the world when it comes to the net. Myself included. I share about some of it. Sometimes, it scares folks. Aye. 

We're in this together. We all have our triumphs and setbacks and pains and gains, eh? No matter how it may look on a "pretty" post. "Pretty" is overrated as well. I can get caught up in the exterior gaga as much as the next person but then, I am usually heavily reminded by life that the heart is more important.

<3

I can be intense, like this photo, but I can also be hilarious and ridiculous. This morning, I feel kinda naughty. Sorry, Santa.

Thank you to all those supporting Recover Wildly:  Daily Spiritual Essays for Survivors. And thank you to all those checking out my novels as well.

I hope to keep the momentum going in the new year. We've been so close to number one! Help me get there.

I am going to be doing some speaking soon! I've worked hard to get this engagement and so, I'm excited. I'll tell my journey and talk about the books. I'll let you know when I get a firm date. January or February. Soon. And hopefully, there will be many more to come. That's the plan.

I enjoy speaking, and I hope to help some folks!

Hope that this day fills your heart. Today is everything. This moment is everything. <3 I didn't get a chance to play music yesterday, but I will today. :) I've got a whole album of songs now. Rad. I've also got about thirty pages started on a new novel. It's fresh, but I already have an idea of the complex web it'll turn into. My brain is churning, ha.

Hope you have an amazing day. Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Pinwheel Love

 

Hi. I am working on an essay for you. I stretched out to take a nap and then, I got up and started writing, which happens more often than not. Ha. It's not quite ready yet. Until then, here's a photo. Hope you have a great evening. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE