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3/28/2024

The Market

I really love the mix of strength and vulnerability in this one. Hint:  the line breaks, word choice, and rhythm contribute to this duality as well. :) Just a little secret. One that's more of an exercise in word choice, sound, and feel, in order to convey hidden meaning. Sort of like this:  "make sure you listen to the whole album." πŸ’“πŸ‘One of my favorites...Love, C.A.

The Market

Oxygen, devotion, desire, and spare change
return to those who wait. I am
god, and you are god, and this is god,
and so is the snake. Confused tycoons
are fasting. Beneath them –
countless park bears
buried in camp-site scraps.

In between, together, come evening,
smart, patient wolves
chew on bone.
By noon, the nonprofit is no more
than a dried-up tit,
and all of my income
is buried in shit.

Little, dark dream circles
under my eyes.
Last night, you
had silver, sharp canines. When we

kissed, I tasted metal. No matter, no
mind.
Call me an illusion scavenger.
I love even the well, and the wait,

and the hell.
Following, I am no more
than an air-sucking parachute
fish-tailing on the drag strip.
For years,
I’ve taken the bait.
Sometimes, my ring

fingers freeze, knuckles locked stuck,
closed from the trigger grip.
With time,
movement tears apart

the tricky numb,
and suddenly, fist to heart,
you return.
Up ahead, the crowd breaks,

revealing
the Market. Yes, I make a muscle,
but can I pay with food stamps.
Now,
my blanket is damp, and I peel open
the bad eye.
Today, again – ridges,

cheap sheets, yellow,
and I’m ashamed
of the bruised peaches.
No lip, no skin,

no squinting eye, no smirk
beside me.
Empty bleachers. See, I am god,
and you are god, and this

is god, and the snake
is god, and so is the penniless
or high-class date.
People tell me that my hair is pretty.
The voices should be more
sing-song. People tell me
that my hair

is pretty. Like
always,
I stand
like a rock.

C.A. MacConnell

3/26/2024

I Need You, Too.

 

When I looked at the sky and took this shot, I heard, "I need you, too." I believe the image captures this feeling as well. :)

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

3/25/2024

Cabbage

 

I really love this. Hope you do too.
<3
C.A. MacConnell

Pass It On.

 

Good morning! Thank you so much...for spreading the word! I'm excited to see the way things are growing lately.

Truly, "word of mouth" is my friend. On my own, I created, wrote, edited, and designed all four of my books. I even did the cover photos/art. If you've read my books, pass it on!

This is an entirely solo effort.

So, all of these things help
...

1. Mention this site address
2. Share my Author Page
3. Join my Facebook Page -- C.A. MacConnell
4. Buy books!
5. Leave a review on Amazon. Thanks to those who left feedback! Rockin.
6. Send me a message, join my email list. Contact here.
7. Donate to support! See "donate" button on the side of this page.

Of course, every day, I'm working on expanding, and I'll get Book Five out there for you soon! My first stab at a nonfiction book, and I think you'll be surprised. It's engaging, uplifting, and unique. Can't wait for you to read it.

Thanks for your support.

Hope you have a beautiful day.
C.A. MacConnell

3/24/2024

Fence, Poem, Photo.

Good morning. I'm glad you're here.

Thank you for your support.

Today, a two-for-one special! Ha. A photo and a poem. Donate to my site, and you'll be eligible for a ten-year-old, witch, Halloween Pez dispenser. Unopened! Seriously, if you're enjoying my art here on my site, if you can, please consider a donation. Button on right side of this page.

I have four books on Amazon! Check it out!

I'm working on getting Book Five out there. Wish me luck!

I hope your day is love-filled and unique. Spectacular, why not?

Always, love to you,
C.A. MacConnell


Fence

Human, for years, I've been waiting.
Soon, I may warp into kindling --
no more than knots. Leaning back,
living in slant, there rests a ladder.
Today, may you reach out, touching
my strong side (the least faded,
the straightest, my shaded best).
Go ahead. Press your rising chest
against me. My mouth can take
the weight. You will make me --
one, lowly, man-made fence --
stand tall enough to come alive.
Peek above the jagged rows. Find
the crooked downside, for beyond
and below, a thousand splintered
stories, the aches of yesterdays,
are hidden within each crack and line.
So many whispers. All over, I hold
secrets. They are woven in.
They are carved into me
by little hands.

C.A. MacConnell

3/22/2024

Here. Book Five.



Well, I finished my new Book Five. Ha, I know, I work fast. I'm stoked about it. It's full of hope and light, and I think it'll help some folks, who knows. Feels great to finish this draft. Ready to send out. Wish me luck. Stay tuned.

Keeping my fingers and toes crossed.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

3/21/2024

Thursday

 

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Bear Lake

I've been unsettled, and I've been grieving the past few days, which is OK, as I'm processing through some tough stuff, and silent meditation has been bringing up the emotions! But I woke up thinking about scenes that made me feel peaceful as a child -- and still do -- times when I was alone with nature, when it felt like it was all my secret...I remember having a feeling of "something greater" out there, even back then, and it calmed me, giving me some comfort. Here's a poem about one of those hiding places. Maybe it'll comfort you too. :) Hope you have a good day. Love to you, C.A.

Bear Lake

Early mornings,
I escaped
the family.
Slipping out
of the twin bed,
I looked over,
making sure
my brother
was still sleeping.
Softly opening
the door,
then the screen,
I closed them
behind me,
but something
always creaked.
Scratching my legs,
I cursed
at the chiggers.
I looked back
at the cottage,
checking,
maybe twice.
Barefoot,
I made my way
across the cool,
damp grass.
Looking both ways,
I crossed
the forbidden road.
Dead snake, one day.
Dad's t-shirt
was my dress.
I crept over
to the beach swing,
climbing up
to settle down
on the faded,
green cushion.
I gripped the chains
and rocked,
feeling the cool,
lake wind
and once again,
I listened
to the whispers
of secret waves,
and time
was all mine.

C.A. MacConnell

3/19/2024

Photo: Kiss

 

I just woke up from a nap. So tired! Funny--I noticed that as soon as I woke, without a pause, my mind started to ruminate about negative things. But in the next moment, it was as if I stepped outside of myself, because this reality hit me with a force:  this negative thinking is coming from the old me. Yikes.

Then a new thought came into my mind...and I believe it was from God. It was this:

Create love, create joy.
Go toward love, go toward joy.

And I'm sitting here, typing to you, with a little tear in the corner of my eye, because I'm thinking...dear God, lead me back to this love and joy when I get lost. I've spent way too much of my life in the dark. And now that I see that, help me swiftly turn it all around. :) <3

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

3/18/2024

Glove 1.



Glove #1
I now have 58 photos of lost gloves, ha. This one was the first, 
C.A. MacConnell

Baby

Good morning. 

I'm afraid.

I think I'll try to figure this out.

Hm, that has never worked.

I guess I haven't mastered everything. I guess I'm a human being.

That sucks, but OK.

Yesterday, I was way too intense.

I prayed, and I listened to some music, asking God to help me regroup.

Then I dialed it down ten notches, and I started to crack up.

That was a winning idea.

Now, about this fear. I can't possibly turn this fear around in the same way, can I?

Hm, I've been afraid before, and it hasn't killed me. 

Last night, at first, I tossed and turned. Again, I thought I should figure out my fear. My mind started to race more. Again, that didn't work. Then I took a deep breath and said out loud, "Hey, God, it's you and me now. Please take away my fear and show me what to do." 

And I meant it.

And I slept like a baby.

Makes sense. Like everyone else, deep down, I'm simply a child looking for comfort.

Whether it comes from the heart or the sky, something or someone, both inside and out, hears us.

Then I woke up, dialed it down ten notches, and I started to crack up.

That was a winning idea.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. I've been changing up where I reach out quite a bit. I added a women's group, meditation groups, more comedy, and other new things. I've found that I need to shake up my schedule in order to gain new perspectives and put myself in a place of learning & questioning. Also, it helps to distract myself from old, negative thinking, fear, and the like. Distraction or taking action aimed at a positive future works better than focusing on the old. Perhaps this will help you. Hope you have a good day!

3/17/2024

Note on Copyrighted Material.

 A note:  all of my photos and writings are copyrighted material, as it states in my bio, on the bottom of this page, and in my introduction. All photos and writings are the sole property of the author, C.A. MacConnell, and all are both copyrighted and timestamped through this site, on social media, and on my hard drive, as well as in various other ways, legally binding.

If anyone uses these writings and photos without permission in any way, there will be legal consequences.

Sincerely,
C.A. MacConnell

3/16/2024

Happy St. Patrick's.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Lightning

Something I just wrote on the fly, just now...C.A.

Lightning

Brown eyes, narrow
jaw, blond hair, sunken
or full cheeks. Black
twisties. Makeup,
trucker hats, cartoon
sweats, no. Blurry --
all of them -- the faces,
the features. Furious,
I am, at the zigzag
part. Sideways, middle,
anything else. Please,
once. When I look
close, let me focus.
Let me see the contrail
coming from your comb.

C.A. MacConnell

Touch.

 

Good morning. A surprise is coming. :) Little surprises happen all day long, when I'm aware, childlike, and curious. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

3/13/2024

Three Girls, and Some Words from Me.

 

Three Girls, Cleveland, film shot. Just picked it randomly, actually. I suppose I like the feeling of play, and the essence of support. <3

Hope you're having a good day. I had a long one! Sometimes I take on too much work, or I accept orders that are too big, but I got ahead, and I'll be glad tomorrow. Had some big laughs with the meat department this morning; they were howling. Shit like that makes the day worth it, and I told the guys that too. I said, "I know we joke around a lot, but I don't think you realize how much these little interactions mean to me sometimes." They agreed. We had some hugs. There's a lot of love in between the jabs, that's for sure.

For six years, starting when I was fifteen, I worked with 40 men, all drivers. I'm accustomed to working with men, I suppose. Obviously, at first, I couldn't drive yet and so, I was stuck in the office until I got my license. Then I was driving all over the place, running the strangest errands. If I went into depth about it, no one would believe me.

Now my life isn't so exciting, and I work my ass off for very little, for sure. This past year has been extremely difficult in every way. Financial stress, family stress, physical and mental stress, you name it. Unbelievable loss and stress. I've been praying my ass off and working my ass off in every way. Truly, I've had some rough days and weeks, but I've been strong as hell, and I'm getting stronger, and I'm extremely grateful for the times of laughter. I'm also grateful for my spiritual advisers, and the new friends rolling into my life. I've changed a lot, and my circle is changing as well.

But I'm STILL led to jobs that involve driving, me, and a bunch of men, ha. Just how it has worked out. Makes me chuckle to wonder what's next...but I do know that here's one thing that'll be rolling out SOON:

I have a solid draft of Book Five finished, and I'm stoked about it. Stay tuned. I tore up the first version, and it's new now, and I think it's uplifting and unique. Can't wait for you to see it! My first stab at nonfiction, and I'm hoping for the best, in terms of publication.

Until then, you can find my four published novels on Amazon. To purchase, just click on the book covers on the right side of this page. You'll find a description of each one there as well.


If you're enjoying my site, consider a donation...button on the right of this page. All of this is a solo effort. I would be so grateful. Thanks for your support.

Love to YOU. I may get sidetracked but always, when I get quiet, there's never a doubt in my mind of what's right and important -- love to you. That's more important than any job, photo, or book.

C.A. MacConnell

3/12/2024

Everything

Everything happens for a reason.

Does it?

Everything happens.

Since I was born in this world, I am naturally part of a community.

If I take positive action, I change from the inside out.

If I change from the inside out, I change the world in a positive way.

Everything happens, and I am the reason.

C.A. MacConnell

3/11/2024

Book Five in the Works.

Just a note to tell you that Book Five is really turning out fantastic. It's a nonfiction work, my first book-length nonfiction piece.

I think you'll really like it.

Working hard, behind the scenes.

Stay tuned!

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

The Place to Be


Film Photo, obviously, ha. Good morning. Positive thought for today, for me, for you: I can get caught up, become distracted, and feel too much outside influence at times. Today, I'm reminding myself to take some time to listen, get quiet, and stay true to my calling. Love to you, C.A.

The Place to Be, a Haiku

Place to Be
Like the Octopus
Love Your Arms

-- C.A. MacConnell