Good Enough

There is a clear moment that stands out in my mind. I was seventeen, wearing jeans and a T-shirt, sitting on top of the thick, white comforter on my bed, wishing it was red. Mentally, I was beating myself up. I felt extremely ugly, lost, lonely, and lacking in every area. I wanted to cry, but I was too angry to cry. It felt as if the crying was stuck inside the center of my chest, boiling.

Like every other day, I dreamed about Gem Twist, a grey, and Big Ben, a chestnut, two champion horses -- jumpers -- whose photos were forever frozen in my mind. I thought that if I imagined hard enough, they both may appear in my room. How I wished to be their riders. How I longed for the skill, the opportunities, the prestige, and the winnings. The admiration, yes. I longed for that attention so much that it literally burned inside of me.

Every single day, I practiced. Through blisters, the scorch of sun, the hail, the storms, the clear days, the setbacks, the ribbons, the falls, the back pain, the work, work, work, I practiced. I skipped school to practice. I was at the barn on Christmas.

There was not one day in my childhood that I didn't think about this dream. I don't think there were even many moments when I didn't think about it. It was always inside me, lurking there, pushing me to keep going, get better, and compete. More, more, more.

Dreams are wonderful. Horses are wonderful. And so were all of my friends at the barns -- both human and animal. Ah, and all of the cats and dogs and snakes and mice, everything. Wonderful. Spider webs, dust, hay, shavings -- I loved it all.

But...there was also not one day in my childhood that I felt like this:  good enough. I'd be champion at a show and then, I was focused on the next show. I'd have a bad show, and I'd want to bury myself. I'd achieve a new goal, and I couldn't enjoy it long enough to celebrate the moment. Nothing filled me. No ribbon, no applause.

I never felt good enough.

And as I write to you right now, I'm realizing that even if I were riding Gem Twist, and I was champion in all of the world, I am sure there still would have been that gnawing feeling of "not good enough."

That moment...sitting on my bed, not even the comforter was good enough. Inside, I was a terrified little girl who felt unloved, and my whole world was dark. I used winning or losing at shows to balance my emotions. 

I had absolutely no idea that real, true victories happen on the inside.

Some years later, I got sober, and I began to learn about all of this. But I still remember that hole in my heart as if it were yesterday. And sure, it comes back sometimes.

But I know that I am good enough. I always was. I didn't need ribbons or a fancy horse. I missed out on many beautiful moments because of my obsession with wanting more.

I am good enough right now.

Of course, now I have dreams that involve my books. I'd love to see them become movies. I'd love to sell millions of copies and touch the hearts of folks all around the world. But I have to be careful not to see it as the culmination of my life's worth. Because who I am is what fills me, not the idea of more, more, more.

Indeed, it's important to take action to improve one's life, but there is a balance here. And so, I promote some, I continue to write, I hope and wish, sure, but in this moment, I ask myself, "Did I make someone laugh today? Where could I have done better? Did I feel good in my heart today? Did I spread this goodness? Did I show folks love? And right now, how do I feel in relation to my character?"

I feel good about it. I feel proud of my five authentic books. I feel good about creating songs in churches. I feel good about cracking folks up in the stores today. I feel good about getting food to a family that doesn't have a car. I feel good about this essay. 

This is the stuff that radiates outward -- laughter, love, creativity, joy, and connection, the daily practice of touching others' souls. Today, I met a sweet Doberman. How random and how beautiful. We shared a divine moment.

I have come a long way from that seventeen-year-old girl who was so desperately alone and trying to fill that never-ending hole inside. Nothing would have sufficed.

So, after thinking over my day, I shot out a few emails about giving talks and having book signings. And I messed around on social media. But that wasn't the focus of my day. What is the focus of my day?

You.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Square Puddle, Where the Bridge Used to Be

 
Square Puddle

Where the Bridge Used to Be

Hey there. Just some little gems I took today. Not very often that you see a perfectly square puddle, ha. The other used to be a bridge but now, there is only blank space between. It's actually a lot higher than it appears in the photo. I was up high! So, the look of it is deceiving.

I have been celebrating the day, just because recently, I've done a lot of hard work in my recovery, in my deliveries, in my writing life, the whole gamut. So, I bought myself some presents -- some earrings, some T-shirts, and a new backpack. It was super fun. Something I rarely do, as I'm not a fan of shopping, but I decided I needed to "spruce up," and the money went to the park, so that was cool. Win-win. The earrings are honeycombs and mushrooms. :) I just tried on the honeycombs, and I was loving them. You'll be seeing them often, haha.

This writing on this ridiculously ancient blog site is nothing like my fiction. Last night, I started reading THE HOUSE OF ANCHOR for the first time in a long time, and I ended up reading 100 pages. After I finish a book, I usually don't revisit it, ever. The idea is terrifying to me. I've heard actors say a similar thing...that after they do a movie, they don't want to see it. I get that! But, for some reason, I decided to pick the book up last night, and I got hooked on my own story. Hilarious. While I was reading, I even smoked a bunch of cigs like they're doing in the book. At a certain point, I was like, oh man, it's easy to get lost in this sucker. Seriously, it's so good. Check it out. When I'm dead, I'm sure someone will pick it up and the genius book will sell millions all over the world. Hahaha.

It's so good, just saying.

All of my books are incredible. You can find them all on Amazon now. Here's my author page. They are all designed, created, edited, and written by me. Entirely a solo effort. And no AI, no way. 

As I've said, I'm working on moving forward with some talks for RECOVER WILDLY:  DAILY SPIRITUAL ESSAYS FOR SURVIVORS. I've done one such talk already, and it was really rad. I'm hoping to really expand on that, as I love to speak, and I'd be thrilled to share my experience and help some folks.

That's the goal...we're in this together!

We all have amazing stories, don't we?

Now, I hope to see you soon. I can't wait to show you my T-shirts. They're rad. I'm debating getting glasses again. I've now bought three pairs and returned three pairs. I am so stubborn. ;)

Have a great evening. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Author Page

Forgiveness, Turn It Around.

Forgiveness, Turn It Around

There are times when we strongly feel that other folks have wronged us and perhaps, in the direct situation, we don't have a part in it, other than that we were there.

Hm, this is so wrong. The injustice! When it happens to me, I'll often think similar thoughts such as that. Or, this:  I just happened to be there. It wasn't me!

But, I was there. And if I were present, that means I was in the mess for a reason.

To learn.

That's right. It is about me, not them.

I believe that we draw situations around ourselves, and they are the teachers, if we choose to learn. 

So, let's dive in.

Forgiveness. If we are aware, and we continue to operate in the same way, then we're no longer victims; instead, we're volunteers. Think of it this way:  if I allow this person or situation to continue to affect my thinking, my day, and my emotions, I am continuously volunteering to participate in the hurt.

That's right. It's not them, it's me. Look inward.

Tough stuff, indeed.

This entire world is focused on blame. Who's right, who's wrong...who's in power, who's not in power and on and on, ad infinitum.

But as an individual, I have an immense gift. I have the power to look inward. Always. I can choose to act or react in whatever way I want, all of the time. And, how I feel is a choice.

Do I choose to let this person or persons have power over me today? Am I going to drive myself wild trying to "force" someone to act a certain way? Or, do I choose to accept the situation, accept the people as they are, forgive, focus on myself, and do what I can to better/improve my life?

It's up to me.

Me and only me.

This is what I've been learning lately, and it is damn hard sometimes to turn it around, when it feels as if injustice is involved, I know. Very hard. But it is possible. And from that possibility, I can welcome new thought and perhaps, new action...and something curious begins to rush in, and that is this:  freedom.

Freedom.

What a glorious word.

Allow yourself to be free today. And I will too. 

Aye, sometimes distraction is helpful too. Playing, screaming in my car, singing, dancing, moving, listening to a meditation, praying, and the like. With many tough situations, it not an easy event but rather, a long process.

But in the end, the best option I've found is to love. Show love to a stranger, an animal, or a friend, whoever it may be. 

Turn it around. If I can today, you can too. 

We're in this together. And my heart is strongly in it with you right now, as I write to you.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. If you like this, you'll like RECOVER WILDLY. Check out my author page too. <3

P.P.S. I am doing laundry after a long day of physical work. Later, I will play some piano, and I'm so excited! Every moment I can be with my heart, like I am right now, writing to you, I am grateful. C.

Howdy. New Amazon Author Page. Well, Updates and New Photo. :)XO

 

I updated my Amazon Author Page. The new photo is up. I just added a few edits to my Bio, which will be up within a day or so. Just a few things that needed to be added...such as...there is no use of AI in any of my work. I created, wrote, designed, and edited all of my books myself. Yes. :)

Check it out.

Just writing to say hello. If you've read my four novels or my one nonfiction book, leave a review! Pass it on!

I guess I need to succumb to the business of making videos and such to talk about these amazing books. I'd rather work on my next book! Anyone want to market for me? That'd be rad. Ha. Right now, this is an entirely solo venture.

Hope you're doing well today. Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. I'm working on getting some talks scheduled for RECOVER WILDLY:  DAILY SPIRITUAL ESSAYS FOR SURVIVORS 

Stay tuned. :)XO.

Follow Blue

 

Follow Blue

Hi there. I took this recently. Hope you like it. Have a nice evening. Just saying hello. C.A. MacConnell

P.S. Don't forget to check out my four novels, as well as my fifth book, nonfiction. You can find them all, along with descriptions, right here. Pass it on, if you've read!

P.P.S. And don't forget to leave a review.

Glove

I wrote this just now. I hope your day is turning into something. Anything. I'm glad you're here. C.A. MacConnell

Glove

Bring back a white horse.
Bring back a black kettle. 
Rest assured, I'll be waiting
by the door when you knock, 
saying, Good morning
or good night. Yesterday,
I dreamed of doves,
and I saw your face again.
You were pale, staring,
just staring -- no smile,
no wrinkle, no frown.
There. Always there.
And today, your presence
turns into a familiar glove;
how it slides on recklessly,
in a difficult fashion,
wriggling and fighting
the owner's hand itself,
finally ending in the perfect
fit. Bring back a purple hat.
Bring back a yellow stone.
Rest assured, I'll be waiting
by the door when you knock,
saying, Welcome home.

C.A. MacConnell

Author Page. Five books out NOW!

Hearing You, Every Morning

 

Hearing You

Every Morning

Good afternoon! I just took these on my walk. I don't know about you but lately, I've had some big lessons about unreasonable expectations on myself and others! And acceptance. But once I realized what the hell I was doing, I felt quite a bit of peace roll in. Strange how that works...if I face myself. After all, like I said in my fifth book, Recover Wildly, "It begins with me." Amen! <3 

Remembering to be gentle with myself and others. Remembering to circle back to this moment and celebrate how far I've come. Yes, indeed. You too!

Maybe this will help you as well. Hope so. Just sharing what I've been learning lately. Humbling and unique to me.

I'm regrouping today. It's been a long work week, for sure, and this week is going to be a scorcher. So, I'm chilling. And rewatching The Breakfast Club for the gazillionth time. I'll never get tired of those well-casted films of that era. <3 Bring that back! I'm sitting here trying to think of a recent drama or comedy film that nailed the cast like that, and I can't think of one, except for maybe Sing Sing. But it's biographical, and many of the characters played versions of themselves and so, I don't know if that counts. I adored that film. Just what came to mind off the top of my head.

It feels great to be typing to you. I intend to work on Book Six during down time and in the afternoons, as much as I can, around my deliveries. My life has certainly offered me plenty of material as of late, ha. My brain is filing it all away...which can be annoying, but it's essential to my craft.

Hope you like the photos. Just checking in and saying hello. Hope that your day rolls out peacefully.

Thank you. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. Don't forget to check out my four novels, as well as my fifth book, nonfiction. You can find them all, along with descriptions, right here. Pass it on, if you've read!

P.P.S. And don't forget to leave a review.

Shopping with a Master's Degree

I've had a rough couple of days. I was just texting a friend who expressed the same. We both struggle with PTSD, and the anxiety can be difficult to handle some days. It often looks for a place to "land." But it's really just free-roaming, I realize. In other words, it's there. There, present, there. I describe it as a feeling of "on alert," or "anticipation of negative outcomes" and some days, "downright panic" -- shaking, dizziness, physical pain in general, and then some.

When I'm moving and working, it's not as bad. Although today, I admit, was difficult. When I'm playing music or writing, better. Distraction is key oftentimes. When I get home from work, it grabs a hold quite often. I'm learning a lot about it, and I wrote quite a bit about it in my fifth book. Sometimes, when I think about that vulnerable writing (and this vulnerable writing) I feel rather nervous. I'll think things like, What will folks think of me? Will they think I'm strange or defective? Perhaps. I have no idea. But whether or not certain people talk about their deepest struggles, I feel that we all have trauma. XO. And why not speak of it? We can help each other. 

Certain days, I can manage it better than others.

There are definitely triggers. I see that clearly. And I know what they are. Sometimes, that helps to know.

There has been progress, and there have been setbacks. But I've noticed that growth often rolls out that way...not linear but rather, stunted at times. I'll go forward and then regress...then I'll press onward again. Right now, I'm working on getting back to the forward motion.

It rolls out quite a bit like grief...unexpected and unique to me. 

But I will say this:  when I identify it...such as, I say to myself, "This is grief" or "This is PTSD," it can be helpful. Then I allow myself the freedom to just roll with it. It's OK to not be OK. I realize that's cliche, ha, yea, but it's true.

Freedom vs. shame. Feeling vs. holding back. Roll with it instead of fighting it. That can be useful. I thought I'd share that with you. It may help you.

Let it roll, friend. It'll change. The feelings always change.

Right now, I'm chewing gum and grinning a little, writing to you. Life can be tough. We all go through so much. It can't hurt to share something from my heart this afternoon. Perhaps it'll touch a life.

And that's why we're here. We're in this together. And right now, I'm feeling less "on alert" and more loving. See, that's how it works. Thank you, God. Thank you for this gift of writing. I think I'll keep using it. 

Wink. <3

I have a master's degree, and I've written five books and most days, I shop for people. It doesn't make much sense on paper. But you know what? The movement is helping me recover on the inside. And the job gets me out around all of my friends in the stores. And customers often touch my heart. Dogs and cats too, of course. Ha.

And so, instead of being hard on myself in this moment, I choose to see it as God working in my life. Hopefully, this little essay can help you see God working in your life too.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. I am always seeking work, ha, if you hear of anything. Keep me in mind. I can write like a beast. Thirty years, all genres, from screenwriting to copy, and every damn thing in between. I could be an awesome "cleaner" in Hollywood...that is, they should hire me to clean up the scripts. Some of that shit really needs work! Especially the dialogue, which is my specialty. Funny, serious, scary, I can do it.  Hire me, you fools. I'd kill it. Just saying. I minored in film...I am a master at it. Who knows, maybe someone will read this and offer me a job. Ha, can't hurt to try. Until then, I'll keep shopping with a master's degree.

P.P.S. Tell Danny to go piss in the radiator. If you get that reference, you are my hero. Also, you understand good writing.

Gloves 76, 77, 78, 79

 

Um, I saw four lost gloves today. That's a first! XO. Topping my lost glove search of many years. I suppose that's a sign of something BIG. We shall see. I'm excited.

Here are some more shots I took today:

Just Saying Hello Little Cloud

Light Mate

I am taking a few days off, and it feels strange. Slowing down. My body sure needs it. I hope you like the photos. The last one made me think about love from the heart, and the ways that we affect people, even if we don't talk to them directly. I believe in thought and prayer. I was feeling special to someone at this moment. :) You know, with all of the hustle and worldly clamor and noise, there's something to be said for silence and heart connections, in my humble opinion. 

Hope you have a nice evening. Tonight, I plan on playing all of my songs, the whole shebang, all the way through, as if I am performing to a large crowd. After all, the creation is everything...and what's inside is surely special and unique. I have a ton of fun freely playing piano and singing, and I get rather wild when I do it. It'd probably be funny to watch. To me, it feels awesome. I saw Fiona Apple live once, and she was incredible and wild as well. Incredibly talented.

Don't forget to check out my books, speaking of awesome. They are. I have spent thirty years perfecting my craft, and they're all literary, but fast-paced. Addictive, many say. Spread the word and leave a review, if you've read.

We are on our way to number one. :) We've been awfully close.

Every day, I try to grow and notice the progress. I hope you do as well. It can be mighty tough being a human being. I'm convinced that we've all been through trauma, whether we speak of it or not. So, love. Yourself and others. Be like the deer -- compassionate.

Thank you.
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. Don't forget to be gentle with yourself. And I will try too. Whoa! A huge bird just swooped by my window. :) I heard the hawks today, but I didn't see them. 
P.P.S. My author page.

Church

"There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society where none intrudes,
By the deep Sea, and music in its roar:
I love not Man the less, but Nature more..."

-- Lord Byron

This quote just popped into my head...and I decided to write my own version. Here's something I just created. Hope you like it. Have a great evening. Love, C.A. 

Church

Woods, I follow you. And suddenly, I love my boots.
The lonely path is chalk-dusted by little hands, 

I am guessing. Once, children. Perhaps yesterday,
They were playing, screaming, laughing, tearing

Across the soccer field. Now, ghosts. In the lake,
A snapper turtle rises to the air, breathing cautiously,

And I look up, checking the trees for seas of black
Snakes. Above, in the clear sky, the clouds hover

Like starving sharks. Somehow, in the slow burn,
In the musical roar of this place, pleasure rests

Softly, like a mother's church whisper. Hush. Listen.
The end is coming. Scanning the ground, I take one

Shot; the cut grass forms into a face. A man, I am
Guessing. Once, living. Now, a ghost, an explosive,

Frozen rapture of green. Studying his mouth --
The oval-shape, the surprise -- I imagine his last

Moment, when he became the field. Everything
Has its purpose -- each limb, each voice, each fish,

Each shell, each blade of grass, each second,
And every waking thought. I haven't seen her

In fifteen years, but I know that right now,
Somewhere in Kentucky, Anita is feeding

Her pet tarantulas. 

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Self June 2026

 

Hi there. Here's a shot of me yesterday evening. XO. Just saying hello. I like it, actually.

I worked my ass off today. I was a machine! It's an absolute blur. Ha. Now I think I'll work on some poetry or an essay for you. I hope you're having an amazing day. I do love The Black Keys! I've seen them a couple of times. Sexy groove.

Lately, I've been listening to a lot of rap and hip hop. But I really enjoy 90s rock, anything with awesome drums! That's why I've always loved Phil Collins and Stevie Wonder. I also like some obscure bands like Lake Trout, because they have an intense jazz influence, and they're really outside of the box. As far as female singers, I prefer powerhouses...such as Nina Simone, Erika Wennerstrom, Janis Joplin and of course, Dolores O'Riordan <3. Oh man, I love Dolores. I could go on and on about who I like. That just came to mind. I also love Jeff Buckley.

Blind Melon, Soup, is one of my favorite albums and yet, it wasn't the most popular. Such great songwriting. When I go to the barber, they always play Guns 'n Roses, Black Sabbath, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and the like. I enjoy it every time. The barber kicks ass.

Hopefully I made you chuckle. If you'd like to talk music, I'm in. You know, I grew up working around bands from the time I was fifteen on and later, I was a music writer for many years. I played out some back in the day, but the songs I'm writing now are so different and unique. They don't even sound like the same person. I suppose I'm letting the lion out to play. :) It's fun. No one has really heard them except God. 

Just sharing something from my life. Right now, I'm both tired and very anxious. I've been struggling with supporting myself in this insane world; it's tough for a lot of folks right now. A day-to-day thing. I see it all around. Don't get me wrong...I'm grateful for what I do have, but I am stressed about that and my living situation. I hope to be gentle with myself but also, improve in these areas. My body hurts, but not as bad as some days. I just had goat cheese and spinach ravioli, something like that. It was so-so. I have been trying new stuff, and I don't think I'll revisit ravioli, but I do like potato gnocchi. I like spinach souffle, and I love Mexican mushroom quesadillas. Do you care? I dunno, I'm just rambling. 

Hope you like my picture. I took it after I sang.

Don't forget to check out my books. And....pass it on! Let's get to number one! All I need is a little push...and we'll be on our way! We've been awfully close before. <3

Thank you for taking the time to visit. Thank you.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Mr. Leaf, Freya, Fred

 
Mr. Leaf

Freya

Fred

Here are some folks I met on my walk today. Fred is 92 years old, and he's out here walking every day! Freya is a yellow Lab. I also met a 5-week-old baby. The whole gamut today. The whole cycle of life. Hope you enjoy the photos. Amazing what we go through over the course of time.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

The Rush

Oh! I just finished this for you. It was a stubborn little bugger. But sometimes, the best ones are stubborn, like me, ha. Enjoy. I will be singing tonight. :) Love, C.A.

The Rush

Today, the hummingbird dives down, tunneling

inside my chest, and the world becomes a furious,
beating wing. My eyes sting -- round and dry --

too long open. Yes, at the edges -- crimson.
The bloodiest shot. Mistakes, the rush, Jennifer's
message, and the recovered items are still waiting

at the store. OK. Scratch this entire order. Cancel
the mess. Let us begin again. Inside, outside, all
around. Someone...something...a curious being...

perhaps, a phantom...is making sure everything
is resolved. There is no mistake. Only the timing
escapes us. Together, we find what's missing.

Together, we uncover the lost. We are the beautiful
accident. At my best, call me a fragile bird, call me
a dark horse. Soon, Sparkling Ice is delivered

to the dog house.

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Living on a Wing.

 

I was done with my walk when I spotted this guy. :) Hope you like the shot. I was thrilled with the little gem.
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Self.

 

I mean, this isn't the best picture, and no touching up, ha, but it is honestly me right now; it felt authentic and so, I posted it anyhow. Ha. Just saying hi. And sending you some love and light. This was my feel after a long work week and a bunch of stress, lol. But I'm feeling quite fiery and excited lately as well. Right now, I'm working on poetry, songs, and just doing my deliveries nonstop as well. A lot going on, but I'm feeling super strong and determined.

Love to you.

I hope that you get a chance to check out my awesome, also all-authentic, books. They are incredible. :)XO. My songs are coming along as well. Fun stuff!

Today, I intend to look for places to live and get out in this rain. I enjoy rain walks. The rain calms me. 

Have a great day. Don't forget to leave a review, if you've read!

C.A. MacConnell

From Two Wasps

Just doing some daily flash poetry. Here's one I just wrote. :) <3

From Two Wasps

Hello, today, at the same time, we come alive. 
But we are trapped somewhere, the two of us.
It looks like outside, but the others aren't here
and then, we hit our heads on something
over and over, and we can't feel the wind. 
We are stuck inside in a cold, still world
but maybe, there is a hole. We will keep trying.

Behind us, there is a huge beast watching us.
We can feel her breath. She is ugly, without
wings. Closer, she comes. And then, she wraps
us together in something, and everything turns
dark. We can't move, and we think we might die,

but she holds us softly. We don't know why at all
but now, we are free, and the sky is normal again,
and we are looking for Mom, and the monster
is gone. Maybe she will grow wings soon.
They will have to be big, because of her legs --
only two, but heavy-looking. Thank you,
whatever you are.

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

The Return

Just working on some flash poetry. Thought I'd share this one. Have a nice evening. C.A.

The Return

Soundly, I sleep
on the floor,
and I don't even hear
the storm
but later, walking,
I come upon
the complete view, 
the startling aftermath --
random branches
scattered across
the pavement
like shredded,
divine toothpicks
thrown down 
from heaven.
And indeed, each tree
is whispering, I am
missing something.
And then comes
the tiny, growling
dog. As if my twin,
he is unaware
of his size and bark.
Together, we draw near,
challenging the Boxer
and the Pit. Simply, 
they stare back.
No fight, no return.
And indeed, each dog
is whispering, Be you. 
And now, in the quiet
room, chewing on spinach,
I feel my fingers
moving again,
and I remember the patterns --
the precarious lives
of canines, humans, and sticks --
the way that each one
wedges into the other,
like one leaf
caught between
the teeth. And indeed,
I am whispering back.

C.A. MacConnell

Place to Live

 
Place to Live

Hi there. I took this on my walk today. I found it interesting and unique. Last week, someone had written chalk messages all over the path. There were messages such as "Don't give up," and "Keep going," and the like. It actually brought a tear to my eye last Sunday, because I really needed to see it. I love surprise messages.

And this is part of what's left this week. And so, I took a shot. And I named it, like I do, just to be deep, ha.

The weather is perfect today. And right now, the hawks outside of my window are calling to each other...two of them, a couple. There were three, but one disappeared a few minutes ago.

I do see all of the blessings in my life, and I pray a lot. When I pray, I just simply talk to God, as if he is a close friend who knows and loves me intimately. I can rage, celebrate, weep, whatever the case may be. Sometimes, I talk to the trees, and I often feel that they're listening, whispering back. So gentle, the trees. So comforting. <3

Sometimes, the world events make things seem impossible, but I have everything I need today. And a little extra...I just had some ice cream and a Three Musketeers, ha. I do like that candy bar, as well as the Zero bar. Every now and then, I indulge, when I'm in the mood. I actually eat pretty healthy, but I will often have dessert. I've been a vegetarian for at least 30 years.

Just saying hello, writing to you. Lately, I've been singing and moving a lot and so, it feels rather odd to take a few days off. In order to do so, I worked some doubles. I've been moving more than I've been sitting, for sure, and my body feels it! I'm frustrated because in order to be in the right head space to write, there needs to be more time to settle. But at the moment, I'm doing the best I can with all of it, navigating this world as a single woman, which is challenging, for sure.

All around, people are stressed. I'm happy to have this time to listen to the hawks right here, right now. This moment is special to me. Because you're here.

That's all we've got. This moment. Love to you.

My favorite jobs have all involved movement...right now, shopping and delivering. In the past, working with horses, teaching yoga, and the like. All movement-centered. It suits me.

Even when I'm writing, I'm moving. My mind is. :)

I hope that this little newsy note from Chris finds you well. I am on a mission to dive into Book Six. And I am on a mission to do the best I can to make my heart happy...and make others' hearts happy. I'm not perfect at being loving and gentle, but I give it my best shot, every single day. And boy, do I love to laugh.

Wherever you are, I hope your heart feels happy. We're all doing the best we can. Like the deer, look around, and remember to be gentle with yourself and others.

And I will remember as well. Thank you for supporting me on my journey. My books are amazing, and they're all-authentic. I handled every single detail, from writing to editing to design. I even did the cover art. Take a chance on my all-original work. You will never forget these amazing stories and characters. And remember, pass it on. Word of mouth is my friend. Thank you. XXOO.

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Lost Glove 75

 

Howdy. It's been a while. I took this yesterday. :)XO. My 75th lost glove picture and today is May 5, and 5 is my lucky number and so, it must be my lucky day.

Right now, I'm gazing out the window, and it's looking like a storm may roll in. I love storms. Yesterday, I was making a list of what makes me happy these days, such as this:  dancing in the aisles, my job, shooting the shit with all of the people in the stores (man, we joke and crack up), helping folks whenever I can, going to the barber, animals of all sorts, watching movies in bed, cookies and ice cream, and I've discovered I really like spinach souffle and potato gnocchi, among other weird food things. Oh, I love mushroom risotto and mushroom quesadillas. El Rancho Grande, you rock. I went to that restaurant three times, each time with a different person (all of them very different and unique), and I chuckled about the fact that the waiter must think I get around dating, for sure. But they were just random friends, but it did appear hilarious, because the events were quite close together. For a while, I was hooked on Bob Evans. I went there alone like ten times. I get hooked on something for a while and then, I find a new place. And I become enthralled again. The pattern is pretty predictable. And obsessive. And amusing. 

Whatever I choose, I give it my ALL. Ha ha. 

I also like squishmallows (I think that's what they're called, or I just invented a new word), those animal pillows. I recently purchased some at the dollar store, ha. I'm sitting on one right now. A monster, I believe.

Anyway, I've been working nonstop, trying to pay bills. My body is not holding up the greatest, but I just keep going. I'm better when I'm moving. It's the perfect job for me, because movement is essential with my current headspace. I've been playing songs a lot and the other day, I really killed it by myself in a church, ha. It feels good to create. Some days I really nail it, and I imagine I'm on stage or whatnot. I talk to God in there too.

These little blurbs I write on here...they really don't show my writing talent, but they let you know a little more about who I am. And I guess I enjoy sharing that.

I hope you will check out the real deal, my art. My books are amazing, and I'm so proud of my all-authentic work. So, if you read, please leave a review on Amazon. Word of mouth is my friend. Let's get these out there! Let's get to number one! These books deserve to be there, for sure. XO. Thank you for supporting me.

Hope you are well. And I hope you know how much you mean to me. Here comes the rain again. And I'm sorry if you have that Annie Lennox song stuck in your head now. I do.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Self, Bo.

 

Funny story. When I walked in with new hair and glasses, Bo, the dog, looked at me with great surprise and confusion, as if to say, "Oh, hello stranger." And then, he registered the change and began running and tearing around all over the place, grabbing toys. He may be a little guy, but he's smart as hell. And very human at times, for sure. He has anxiety like me. I like toys too. Ha! Caught you off guard there, didn't I? I have many curveballs. Welcome to my brain.

I feel like I need to wear a T-shirt that says, "Not gay or trans. Ask me about my hair. Rather, I am waiting for my mothership. If you want a label for me, there it is. Call me E.T. I am me, whatever that proves to be at any given moment. Right now, I am a girl who likes cookies, although last night I ODed on icing, and today, I'm cutting back. In the nineties, we didn't label anything. We just wore flannel shirts and screwed whoever."

Good morning. I've been disheartened about all of the AI books coming out and such, as I've spent my whole life perfecting my craft (and continue to do so). But I will continue to use my brain and talents the same way. And I won't use AI to create books, no way. I pour my heart and soul into my work, and I will continue in this manner, with everything -- creation, writing, design and editing. 

I don't feel that a computer is a replacement for all-authentic art. I want to daily celebrate my gifts and use my talent for "pulling dialogue out of thin air," which is fun. Yesterday, I couldn't take a nap because dialogue and standup ideas were pouring into my brain, all collected from my journey of the day. I have a knack for that kind of thing. And no one can do it like me! Not a robot, not a computer, no way. :) XO. It's awesome. And I will continue to share it with you.

My sixth book is roaming around in my brain as I type to you. So are comedy ideas, song ideas, and the like. And the way I create and process things...well...it is essential to my life and recovery. It keeps me alive. It is a God-given gift, and I plan to continue to use it! 

I'd like to share my songs with people soon as well. Let's see how it all unfolds. I am stubborn about wanting to use a real piano to play to folks, not a keyboard. So, that puts a little roadblock there, ha. I may get a digital piano, we'll see. I'm mulling it over. I may just record in the churches and put it out there.

I've never made much money off of my books. They're amazing, actually. I know it, and I feel confident about my work. All of my books are both fast-paced and literary, which is a treat. But without a famous name or a major publisher, it is damn hard to promote! So, word of mouth is still my friend. I suppose, when I'm dead, they'll take off, like poor Vincent, the painter. Hi, Vincent, if you're in heaven watching me type. You rock. Fuck the haters.

Cool story. One night, I made a late delivery, and I happened to hand my card to the customer. She read the card, looked up at me with surprise, and said, "You're C.A. MacConnell? I read 'The Hole!' You are so talented." I chuckled. It was a thrill to connect. My cool little brush with fame. It happens sometimes. Out and about, someone will ask me about my characters as if they're real people. Like this, "I'm worried about what's going to happen to Mary." Ha.

Just saying hi. I'm enjoying becoming "new," so to speak. I look rather different, and I suppose it's reflecting the inner changes. I'm just glad Bo the dog approves! Ha. I got two new tats as well. And let me tell you, tats hurt more when you're older. As Tommy, the artist says, it feels "spicy." That nails it. Ha.

Thank you for supporting my art. If you leave a review, I'd be thrilled. Pass on the word. I have dedicated my life to my craft, and I will continue to use my God-given talents, without artificial aid. Yes! 

Love to you. You are part of my journey. You are in my heart. XO. Thank you.
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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