Rush Hour

 

I've always loved this one. Took it some years ago. I actually just wrote a poem, but I'm not done with it yet, and I may keep it to myself, but it'd make a great song. Hope you have a good day, whatever you're getting into. Peace.

C.A. MacConnell

Don's Ford

 

C.A. MacConnell

Freightliner

 

C.A. MacConnell

Sunflower

 

Good morning. I feel successful when I manage an interesting flower shot, ha. Flowers shots are so overdone, but this one came with a few little surprises, if you look close.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Willow.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Reaching for You.

 

May seem simple to some, but this is one of my favorites. I feel the emotion coming from it, and I love when the simple stuff emits the depth... <3

C.A. MacConnell

Fire Truck

 

Good morning. :) <3

C.A. MacConnell

We All Feel Like a Mess

Often, when I have down time, I catch myself slipping into bouts of anxiety. My mind jumps from physical worries to financial worries. If I let it fester, I usually start feeling alone, worried that I don't have support, and the like. I may worry what others think of me but oftentimes, lately, I tend to worry about "my place in life." I think things such as, What am I doing wrong? What do I need to change? What's wrong with me? What can I fix? What the hell...I have no idea what I'm doing. That girl just called me for help, because she said, 'I respect you, because you have a lot of sobriety,' and I have no idea what I'm doing. Why did she call me? Who can I call? Holy shit, I'm a mess. Sometimes, I admit, it gets darker when I really get on a roll. Aye, dark as fuck.

But I am not a mess at all. In fact, I'm more solid than I've ever been, when I really take a look at things. Sometimes, I need others to remind me of that -- a therapist, a sponsor, a close friend. Sometimes, I need a cheerleader to set my mind into right thinking, to realize how much hard work I've done and how much I've grown. And then, I again begin to feel strong, powerful, wise, and unique. Right on. I am back. I am a warrior again, and I am reminded that my story is an amazing one. Life turns back to precious, because according to statistics, I certainly shouldn't be here.

But longtime sober or not, whether battling addictions or not, we're all in a place of recovery...whether it be about family issues or health issues or trauma or whatnot. Seems to me, if I sit down with any person on this planet and ask he/she/they what's really going on, I'd be surprised to know the truth, the complications, the trials, the blessings, and the pains of the person. Seems to me, we all feel like a mess much of the time. Many times, people just aren't talking about it. Or they're posting images on social media that tell half-truths. Hell yeah, I've done that. These days, most people do.

We just never know the depth of what may linger behind a person's outside appearance.

Anyway, just now, after I allowed myself some time to ruminate and feel the fear, I said this to myself:  What if, what if, you just assumed it was all going to be OK? What if you just assumed it would all work out? What if you just let it unfold?

All at once, I felt a powerful sense of relief. I felt a striking release of fear, and I knew in my heart that we're all doing the best we can, and I put it all in God's hands -- my money, my pains, my work life, my writing, my desire for the one I love. I gave it all away. And I sit here now, writing to you, feeling a sense of hope and peace, knowing that everything is all good, all right. All is coming.

We all have a place here, and it's not up to me to decide what another person's role should or shouldn't be. Honestly, it's none of my business at all. And even deeper, it's not even up to me to decide what my role should be, because there's something greater out there pulling for me, for you.

Be at peace with yourself. Let it unfold. If it is time to act, act. If it is time to wait, wait. Grab that dream. Marry your true love. Take a risk and travel to Cancun. Sit at home and watch Netflix. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Be pissed off. Laugh your ass off. Take a nap. Eat cookies. Whatever it is, do it. Do you. But be your authentic self, because that's why we are all here...to play a part in a bigger design.

If we all do what's right for us, it bleeds out beauty, care, love, and healing. And when we come from this place of making decisions that are true and right for our higher selves, things eventually...simply...work out.

Years ago, I attended a self-help seminar that taught me this: I love you, I accept you, even though I don't understand you. I always remember that saying, because I know that I can never truly understand another person's insides.

But all in all, in my experience, I've found that if I put love and compassion at the forefront, I am doing great work.

So, allow yourself some time to feel the fear and feel like a mess, but then circle back and release it, because fear is bullshit. Honor the feeling, but know that everyone feels like a mess, and right here, right now, know that you deserve all that's good.

Yes, you deserve it. Demand peace.

C.A. MacConnell

Air 3.

 

I have a series of these shots. Love to watch the planes...love to watch the birds. Always wanted to be able to fly. :)

Love,

C.A. MacConnell

Boots.

 

Good morning. A photo from my archives, one I've always loved. Rad. I'm up working on a powerful little essay for you. Hope you have a good day. I think I'm going back to bed, ha. Hope everything is awesome for you. :) <3

C.A. MacConnell

Photos of the Day

 

love

Man in Sky

Whispers

C.A. MacConnell

Photo

 

Just a simple little shot, but I love seeing the beauty in the small stuff. :) Made me happy...hope you like it too. 

C.A. MacConnell

Max' Order

Today, I was working on a delivery order for a customer named Max (name changed) and all throughout the grocery run, Max texted me nonstop, curt, annoying changes, additions, and instructions. Frustrated, I ran from one end of the store to the other, attempting to fill the requests. Breathing deeply, I reminded myself to be patient, but it was 95 degrees outside, and I'd been working hard all day and so, I was struggling to remain calm. Even still, I read each comment, made the changes, and finally finished the deal, but I was irritated by this seemingly over-the-top, demanding man.

Hurrying to make the delivery, I soon came upon a cracked driveway. Slowly, I drove up to the paint-chipped house, parked carefully, grabbed the bags, and made my way up crumbling steps, awkwardly stumbling onto the porch. There, I noticed that an ancient A/C unit was leaking onto the porch so badly that the wood was warped. In some places, there were small gaps. In other places, actual holes. Stepping carefully around the black spaces and small flood, I knocked on the door.

Slowly, the door cracked open, and I heard his voice first.

"Hello." Low and deep, his greeting rolled out. And then I saw a small hand attached to a long, thin arm. He reached and reached. And then the door opened wider, and I saw the whole shape of him.

"Max?" I said, surprised, backing up a little.

"Yes, thank you," he said, stretching up tall, lifting his chin. Intently, he gazed at me with strong, brown eyes.

Raising my brows, I handed him his food. Max was not a man at all. Max was a boy around ten years old. And as the conversation continued, I realized that not only had Max made the order, but he was also putting everything away in the kitchen. As he organized everything, he gave directions to his siblings behind him.

When I wished him well and headed down the road, the moment hit me with a force, and a tear crept down my face. You just never know about people, I thought. You never know.

You see, the reality was this:  Max, the texting customer, was really a ten-year-old boy who was taking care of his entire family. 

C.A. MacConnell

Deer.

 

Truly, a lucky moment.

C.A. MacConnell

Section 15

 

<3
C.A. MacConnell

Photos of the Day

 

I really love both of these...hope you do too.

Love,

C.A. MacConnell

Open Closed

 

Used to be a bank. Things are always a-changin. :)

C.A. MacConnell

I Think You Would Like This Place.

 

I Think You Would Like This Place. That title was immediately what came to mind when I took this...it's like a little hiding place. Made me smile. I've always liked hiding places. Also a line in one of my songs.

Have a good night,

C.A. MacConnell

Lab Window.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Photo

 

Good morning. Just been messing around. :) I found this one interesting. Due to recent life events, I'm pretty fired up about several different things, big sparks of motion and connection...pretty cool...I know this will all roll out somehow...I'm seeing the bigger patterns in my life, the bigger picture, and I'm excited to keep writing, creating, and trying to help people.

C.A. MacConnell

Everything.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Show Me What to Do.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Gym Window.

 

C.A. MacConnell

blanket

outside, the shy,
cooler front
settles down
on our sky

inside, the air
turns thin
and mean

we crawl under
covers,
tossing,
and God knows
we'll never stop
moving

your slight
hand
graces my collar
bone

-- C.A. MacConnell

Stay the Course

Good morning. Thoughts upon waking up to 49 years old, ha.

Stay the Course

Without even realizing it, we recreate our families wherever we go, attracting those who either mirror our families of origin or teach us about the way we were raised...some of us grow further and realize that we are individuals ultimately separate from this past experience and all of a sudden, we evolve and break free, and the patterns around us begin to change, and it is terrifying, beautiful, freeing, and unique, because it's a great leap into the unknown.

All around, the pattern unfolds...some get divorced. Some join a church or a 12-step group. Some enter therapy or reaffirm a partnership. Perhaps health or financial problems roll in. Some run for the mountains or the sea. Others grab on to addictions. Some embrace yoga or acupuncture. Some lose their lives. Some rise up and change the entire course of their existence. Again, we suddenly feel like children and yet, the teachers seem to be missing, and we are shocked and confused; we are forced to look inward.

We have to begin to have faith in what rests inside our experience and hearts. Having this faith in ourselves is not an event; it is a process of uncovering the child inside, and it involves cavernous feelings full of rage, sorrow, laughter, joy, the whole gamut of emotions.

What happens is that we have to dig in deep, embrace the past, release it, and trust that we are becoming the teachers.

And then in turn, there is a greater irony involved. The greatest teachers are always still willing to learn. The greatest teachers are teachable. The greatest teachers know that the power rests inside the notion of humility. The greatest teachers never preach or give strict direction. The greatest teachers live inside this notion:  I don't know. The greatest teachers continue to ask questions and live not by command, but by example.

The greatest teachers are students of the unknown, which is untouchable by human hands. The greatest teachers are students of the mystery, that which we call "God," or unconditional love.

Throughout our lives, without even realizing it, we are learning how to receive and give unconditional love.

And maybe, everything I just wrote is wholly true. And maybe, everything I just wrote is absolutely ridiculous. What matters is that each day, I try to best be my authentic self, ask questions, and stay the course (albeit sometimes messy), and if I touch a heart, and if I share my experience with another human being without expectations, and if I add to the greater good, then I have done the universe's greatest work.

Each day, may I strive to be one of the greatest teachers. May I notice the ways that a new, beautiful, surprising form of love is entering my life.

C.A. MacConnell

<3 to you.

Hornet's Nest.

 

Today was one of those days when I could hear messages loud and clear. :)

C.A. MacConnell

Lions.

 

Good morning. Photo taken with film. Feeling new after some good rest. Hope you have a fun day, and hope you like the shot!

C.A. MacConnell

Photo.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Just a Note.

I just wrote this on social media, and I liked it, so I decided to post it here...

My life has been surprising lately, both good and bad, and up and down...many extremes, many losses, many gains -- a huge lesson in lack of control and powerlessness. It's been harder than ever and better than ever, and I've been confused and lost a lot, but I've made huge muscles too, and it's all strengthening my faith in the universe as well.

At times, I've felt more vulnerable than ever. At other times, I've felt stronger than ever. I haven't been afraid to laugh or rage or cry, whatever strikes me, day by day.

No holding back.

Looking forward to what rolls in next. Grinning as I write this, because at the moment, I honestly have no idea. Sometimes, it's just good to accept that I don't know, because therein rests peace.

C.A. MacConnell

Simon, Marrero, LA.

 

Today, the guy bagging my groceries (about 20yrs old) asked what cartoons were around when I was little. I listed off Tom 'n Jerry, Scooby Doo, Dungeons and Dragons, and The Gummy Bears, ha. The D&D one was my fave...it was a short-lived one, but it was rad. He was so excited about that one, and he was googling it when I laughed and said, "Shows that I'm an old woman!" It was a fun encounter. Made me think about how much I loved the Tom 'n Jerry episode when Tom tries to run up a staircase to heaven...that was my favorite. That image is forever etched in my mind.

Here's what I have to say to you today:  no matter what you choose to do, way to go. I love you.

C.A. MacConnell

Good Directions.

 

Love to you. :)

C.A. MacConnell

Coke on a Fresh Grave.

 

C.A. MacConnell

The Bird

A poem a day. Another flash poem for you, no edits, on the fly. :) C.A. 

The Bird

Solo, I crawl inside
the tree's hollow,
and all is wickedly silent.

Another wrong exit.
Again, I miss the driveway.
On the southern highway,
I lose the houses, falling

into spider webs and cornfields.

Even the golden retriever
and the milk man
spook me. Hard labor

takes its toll. 
My clothes are falling 
from my frame.
One cheek turns red

and then, the other catches

up. Yes, but the bicep.
Today, I watch a woman
pull over, blocking both lanes, 

stopping traffic
in its tracks.
And then, she leaps
from her car, bending

down low, perfectly

reaching for the road,
scooping up an injured redbird,
holding the tiny, 

twitching life
in the palm of her hand.
Close, behind her,
I follow to make sure

that she and the bird make it

home.

C.A. MacConnell

The Way

Flash poem for ya. <3 C.A.

The Way

The way you drift.

And when you least expect it,
despite inadequate, human arms,
you will fly.
No cables, no ropes.
And when your tribe
tethers you to a tree, 
you will break loose,
and by then, they won't even recognize
your face.
They won't even remember
your name.
And when age settles in,
and your neck and back
crack,
you will feel the release, the new joint,
the repaired space
between the bones.
And when your lift one bare
foot, then the other, 
on the hot,
desert ground,
smiling at the pain of it,
you will think about home
and never go
back.
Sky, branches, the healed
cervical disc, the peace between the rays
of sun.
And when you least expect it,
despite inadequate, human radar,
you will land.

The way you drift.

C.A. MacConnell

The Return

Some flash poetry for you. Just wrote this li'l guy. <3, C.A.

The Return

On moments like this, in any room --
Crowded or empty --
You almost
Wholly appear. Fragments of you
Ferment in the
Flicker of light. Sometimes, your flare lingers
In the air. Sometimes, your sparks
Nearly reach the
Corner
Of my eye.
Bluish,
Whitish,
Yellowish,
Static,
Radiant, a persistent, fire-glow, you
Announce your presence.
And then you burn
Gentle, and you are
Simply
There, a
Fervent, ghostly, transitory, atmospheric
Bruise, one welcome visitor who always
Returns,
An optical migraine of love and all of
Its permanence.

C.A. MacConnell

Hydrant.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Pentagram.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Man with Parrot

 

C.A. MacConnell

Photo.

 
<3
C.A. MacConnell

Runoff

C.A. MacConnell

Ghost

 

Strange little photo I took yesterday, but there was something about the texture of it that I liked. :) Nobody really likes the weird ones but me. Ha. Hope you have a good day.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Hollins Porch

I believe these shots were taken at least 20 years apart; these two images show the same porch which is just outside the Hollins University Main Building. The first was taken on film. The second, digital. If you walk through the front doors, just inside, you'll see the Green Drawing Room, where Hollins has hosted many poetry and fiction readings, as well as other gatherings. Numerous famous writers have spoken there, and they continue to roll in every couple of weeks. The room was and is rather regal looking, and it holds an intense, respectful, quiet vibe. At all times, it's almost as if the room is "ready to listen." But afterward, in another building, there were some rather raucous parties, ha.

We also had biweekly student readings, which were just as well attended, and I did both poetry and fiction readings while I was there, which was both fun and engaging. I enjoy public speaking, and I remember one time, I read an extremely spooky story, and I looked up, and many people were engaged, and some looked really scared, ha. Afterward, two of my professors, Richard and Rick, who have both since passed, were cheering me on with wide smiles. 

This morning, I thought of these images, because when I was meditating the other day, I saw a clear vision of this porch. I suppose the vision of these rockers always gives me peace, because I often used to sit here, watch everyone walk by on Front Quad, journal, or play guitar. One time, Rick swung by and grabbed my guitar and played a tune too.

I had some awesome teachers.

Good morning. Hope your day is fun and engaging, or whatever you wish it to be. I'm getting injections in my neck, and I'm hoping it will help, we'll see. So, it's rest time for me. Indeed, I doubt I'll follow their instructions; I never do, ha.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Gracie.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Glove 22.

 

Rockin. Love,
C.A. MacConnell