Shopping with a Master's Degree

I've had a rough couple of days. I was just texting a friend who expressed the same. We both struggle with PTSD, and the anxiety can be difficult to handle some days. It often looks for a place to "land." But it's really just free-roaming, I realize. In other words, it's there. There, present, there. I describe it as a feeling of "on alert," or "anticipation of negative outcomes" and some days, "downright panic" -- shaking, dizziness, physical pain in general, and then some.

When I'm moving and working, it's not as bad. Although today, I admit, was difficult. When I'm playing music or writing, better. Distraction is key oftentimes. When I get home from work, it grabs a hold quite often. I'm learning a lot about it, and I wrote quite a bit about it in my fifth book. Sometimes, when I think about that vulnerable writing (and this vulnerable writing) I feel rather nervous. I'll think things like, What will folks think of me? Will they think I'm strange or defective? Perhaps. I have no idea. But whether or not certain people talk about their deepest struggles, I feel that we all have trauma. XO. And why not speak of it? We can help each other. 

Certain days, I can manage it better than others.

There are definitely triggers. I see that clearly. And I know what they are. Sometimes, that helps to know.

There has been progress, and there have been setbacks. But I've noticed that growth often rolls out that way...not linear but rather, stunted at times. I'll go forward and then regress...then I'll press onward again. Right now, I'm working on getting back to the forward motion.

It rolls out quite a bit like grief...unexpected and unique to me. 

But I will say this:  when I identify it...such as, I say to myself, "This is grief" or "This is PTSD," it can be helpful. Then I allow myself the freedom to just roll with it. It's OK to not be OK. I realize that's cliche, ha, yea, but it's true.

Freedom vs. shame. Feeling vs. holding back. Roll with it instead of fighting it. That can be useful. I thought I'd share that with you. It may help you.

Let it roll, friend. It'll change. The feelings always change.

Right now, I'm chewing gum and grinning a little, writing to you. Life can be tough. We all go through so much. It can't hurt to share something from my heart this afternoon. Perhaps it'll touch a life.

And that's why we're here. We're in this together. And right now, I'm feeling less "on alert" and more loving. See, that's how it works. Thank you, God. Thank you for this gift of writing. I think I'll keep using it. 

Wink. <3

I have a master's degree, and I've written five books and most days, I shop for people. It doesn't make much sense on paper. But you know what? The movement is helping me recover on the inside. And the job gets me out around all of my friends in the stores. And customers often touch my heart. Dogs and cats too, of course. Ha.

And so, instead of being hard on myself in this moment, I choose to see it as God working in my life. Hopefully, this little essay can help you see God working in your life too.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. I am always seeking work, ha, if you hear of anything. Keep me in mind. I can write like a beast. Thirty years, all genres, from screenwriting to copy, and every damn thing in between. I could be an awesome "cleaner" in Hollywood...that is, they should hire me to clean up the scripts. Some of that shit really needs work! Especially the dialogue, which is my specialty. Funny, serious, scary, I can do it.  Hire me, you fools. I'd kill it. Just saying. I minored in film...I am a master at it. Who knows, maybe someone will read this and offer me a job. Ha, can't hurt to try. Until then, I'll keep shopping with a master's degree.

P.P.S. Tell Danny to go piss in the radiator. If you get that reference, you are my hero. Also, you understand good writing.

Gloves 76, 77, 78, 79

 

Um, I saw four lost gloves today. That's a first! XO. Topping my lost glove search of many years. I suppose that's a sign of something BIG. We shall see. I'm excited.

Here are some more shots I took today:

Just Saying Hello Little Cloud

Light Mate

I am taking a few days off, and it feels strange. Slowing down. My body sure needs it. I hope you like the photos. The last one made me think about love from the heart, and the ways that we affect people, even if we don't talk to them directly. I believe in thought and prayer. I was feeling special to someone at this moment. :) You know, with all of the hustle and worldly clamor and noise, there's something to be said for silence and heart connections, in my humble opinion. 

Hope you have a nice evening. Tonight, I plan on playing all of my songs, the whole shebang, all the way through, as if I am performing to a large crowd. After all, the creation is everything...and what's inside is surely special and unique. I have a ton of fun freely playing piano and singing, and I get rather wild when I do it. It'd probably be funny to watch. To me, it feels awesome. I saw Fiona Apple live once, and she was incredible and wild as well. Incredibly talented.

Don't forget to check out my books, speaking of awesome. They are. I have spent thirty years perfecting my craft, and they're all literary, but fast-paced. Addictive, many say. Spread the word and leave a review, if you've read.

We are on our way to number one. :) We've been awfully close.

Every day, I try to grow and notice the progress. I hope you do as well. It can be mighty tough being a human being. I'm convinced that we've all been through trauma, whether we speak of it or not. So, love. Yourself and others. Be like the deer -- compassionate.

Thank you.
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. Don't forget to be gentle with yourself. And I will try too. Whoa! A huge bird just swooped by my window. :) I heard the hawks today, but I didn't see them. 
P.P.S. My author page.

Church

"There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society where none intrudes,
By the deep Sea, and music in its roar:
I love not Man the less, but Nature more..."

-- Lord Byron

This quote just popped into my head...and I decided to write my own version. Here's something I just created. Hope you like it. Have a great evening. Love, C.A. 

Church

Woods, I follow you. And suddenly, I love my boots.
The lonely path is chalk-dusted by little hands, 

I am guessing. Once, children. Perhaps yesterday,
They were playing, screaming, laughing, tearing

Across the soccer field. Now, ghosts. In the lake,
A snapper turtle rises to the air, breathing cautiously,

And I look up, checking the trees for seas of black
Snakes. Above, in the clear sky, the clouds hover

Like starving sharks. Somehow, in the slow burn,
In the musical roar of this place, pleasure rests

Softly, like a mother's church whisper. Hush. Listen.
The end is coming. Scanning the ground, I take one

Shot; the cut grass forms into a face. A man, I am
Guessing. Once, living. Now, a ghost, an explosive,

Frozen rapture of green. Studying his mouth --
The oval-shape, the surprise -- I imagine his last

Moment, when he became the field. Everything
Has its purpose -- each limb, each voice, each fish,

Each shell, each blade of grass, each second,
And every waking thought. I haven't seen her

In fifteen years, but I know that right now,
Somewhere in Kentucky, Anita is feeding

Her pet tarantulas. 

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Self June 2026

 

Hi there. Here's a shot of me yesterday evening. XO. Just saying hello. I like it, actually.

I worked my ass off today. I was a machine! It's an absolute blur. Ha. Now I think I'll work on some poetry or an essay for you. I hope you're having an amazing day. I do love The Black Keys! I've seen them a couple of times. Sexy groove.

Lately, I've been listening to a lot of rap and hip hop. But I really enjoy 90s rock, anything with awesome drums! That's why I've always loved Phil Collins and Stevie Wonder. I also like some obscure bands like Lake Trout, because they have an intense jazz influence, and they're really outside of the box. As far as female singers, I prefer powerhouses...such as Nina Simone, Erika Wennerstrom, Janis Joplin and of course, Dolores O'Riordan <3. Oh man, I love Dolores. I could go on and on about who I like. That just came to mind. I also love Jeff Buckley.

Blind Melon, Soup, is one of my favorite albums and yet, it wasn't the most popular. Such great songwriting. When I go to the barber, they always play Guns 'n Roses, Black Sabbath, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and the like. I enjoy it every time. The barber kicks ass.

Hopefully I made you chuckle. If you'd like to talk music, I'm in. You know, I grew up working around bands from the time I was fifteen on and later, I was a music writer for many years. I played out some back in the day, but the songs I'm writing now are so different and unique. They don't even sound like the same person. I suppose I'm letting the lion out to play. :) It's fun. No one has really heard them except God. 

Just sharing something from my life. Right now, I'm both tired and very anxious. I've been struggling with supporting myself in this insane world; it's tough for a lot of folks right now. A day-to-day thing. I see it all around. Don't get me wrong...I'm grateful for what I do have, but I am stressed about that and my living situation. I hope to be gentle with myself but also, improve in these areas. My body hurts, but not as bad as some days. I just had goat cheese and spinach ravioli, something like that. It was so-so. I have been trying new stuff, and I don't think I'll revisit ravioli, but I do like potato gnocchi. I like spinach souffle, and I love Mexican mushroom quesadillas. Do you care? I dunno, I'm just rambling. 

Hope you like my picture. I took it after I sang.

Don't forget to check out my books. And....pass it on! Let's get to number one! All I need is a little push...and we'll be on our way! We've been awfully close before. <3

Thank you for taking the time to visit. Thank you.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE