Happy New Year!

 

Happy New Year!
C.A. MacConnell

Pipe Dream

Something I just busted out on social media. I rather liked it...so I'm reposting it here.

Pipe Dream

Positive thought for today, for me, for you: years ago, I was at a dive bar in Virginia, checking out an open mic. I was in a band then, and we played some songs, and it seemed like an ordinary night. But it wasn't...

You see, suddenly, four guys appeared, quietly setting up. They seemed to be around 17, and they all wore tattered clothes -- not store bought, no, but rather, the kind that were worn from life. When they were ready, the singer simply said, "We're Pipe Dream," and they started playing. I listened. My eyes widened. It was the best drummer I had ever heard in my entire life -- a tiny kid, hiding out in the back, playing his heart out like a monster. Then they finished and left, disappearing into the night, and I never saw any of them again. Right after that, my band won a contest and some recording time.

Moral of the story: some visions may seem like a "pipe dream," and life may present setbacks, but if I keep focusing on the good and doing the work, the "pipe dream" suddenly materializes and becomes reality.

Because somewhere, right now, some kid quietly wakes up and realizes a little secret -- maybe he never made it through high school, but without a doubt, he's the best drummer in the world.

<3,
C.A. MacConnell

Kylin, Horse.

 

Good morning. Photo on film. I loved this apartment, and this cat, for sure. There were two apartments I've loved...one was in VA, one here, but both were short-lived. Both were in walking distance of an artsy movie theater and natural food store. :) I've never had a house, but it's always been a secret dream of mine. I'd love a new place, a brighter one, even a studio, but honestly, I'm extremely lucky to be where I am for various reasons. I remember that every single day, because I've lived in some pretty horrible places, let me tell you. I love older buildings with oval windows and such. I've never had much furniture, so I don't care about that. Usually, what I care about are such things as the light and the feel.

I adore places that have a history about them...places that feel like they have stories to tell. :)

I'll be giving a talk tonight, and I'm looking forward to it, as I haven't done that in a while. I enjoy public speaking...my goal is to tell the truth and add some lightness and humor, but I usually leave the words up to the universe, although I always focus on maintaining the utmost integrity, both in writing and speech. It is my story, and I would never even hint at another's identity, situation, and the like. Not my business. Never have, never will.

Reminding myself to slow it down, trust myself, and keep the focus on the moment. There are situations I don't understand, and perhaps it'll always be confusing, but this morning, I've settled into some peace with that.

Be easy on yourself. And I will too.

Hope you have a beautiful day, wherever you are, whatever you're getting into!

Love to you!
C.A. MacConnell

Glove 16. The Courage Rests Inside.

 

The Courage Rests Inside

Let's see. Now I have 55 pictures of lost gloves, and I know Tom Hanks would be amused, because I once discovered that he enjoys such photos. No, I've never met Mr. Hanks, and I can't remember how or why I came upon his lost glove photos, but I clearly remember the moment. Literally, I was cracking up because until then, I had never found anyone who was obsessed with that particular notion and so, I suddenly felt supported and validated. I suppose that some people may assume that 55 pictures of lost gloves might be a bit obsessive, and guess what? They would be absolutely correct! What can I say, when I'm on a mission, I'm on a mission. I get an idea in my head, and I focus! These gloves often spark me into reminiscing of the great R.H.W. Dillard's chicken theory, Shakespeare, and Hitchcock...I would love to have coffee with these three to discuss lost gloves, but I'm afraid that such a meeting would prove to be quite extensive, one evolving into a gathering of the minds, one that could quite possibly have no end. Indeed.

The great R.H.W. Dillard was my professor. In my opinion, he was a closet genius. I took many of his workshop creative writing classes. He also taught me Hitchcock, Fellini, and several other fiction-focused classes. I signed up for every class he taught, anything I could grab, and I "drank" in his words every time. Richard was familiar with this phenomenon of strange "focus;" he wrote about it quite a bit, and I won't even attempt to capture his insights, but I will tell you about his personality...

I never spent much time with him outside of classes or small group thesis meetings, but I secretly observed his nature for years. On the outside, Richard was a hilarious, mischievous, rather jovial fellow and interestingly enough, unlike most stereotypical, tortured writers and poets, he was also quite healthy and grounded. Simply, he ate well, drank water, didn't drink alcohol or do drugs, smiled often, and he seemed rather content most of the time. And yet, when he wrote, he made deep, unfathomable connections. When he spoke, he jokingly delivered unbelievable truths and theories. In other words, although his words and interpretations were shockingly eye-opening, he seemed to have no attachment to his wisdom. His mind was amazingly vast, and he wrote and spoke about connections and symbolism like no other.

Through his actions, he taught me the importance of how great teachers interact with students, and this left quite an imprint within me. When discussing anyone's writing, he focused on the positive, and he brought it to light...he made sure to allow a person's individuality to develop, and he never tried to change a writer's style into what he thought would be "right or acceptable." Instead, he encouraged spontaneity, diversity, and free thought. He looked at a student's writing, saw the good, saw the unique pattern, and he offered suggestions to encourage the person's individual style and path. And I found it to be an amazing lesson in selfless teaching. This past year, he passed away, and he continued teaching right up until this time; he never retired but rather, he rolled along, happily and humbly sharing his genius thoughts with the world. Love you, Richard. R.I.P.

His passing has made me reflect on my focus, my journey, and my writing. Here's something I wrote on social media this morning...Good morning. Positive thought for me, for you: it may feel messy at times, but if I push through, it's magnificent, the way I grow, and I don't have to prove anything to anyone to show that I'm 'better,' because the courage rests inside.

Going forward with my writing, I'm keeping this in mind because like Richard, I don't have to prove anything. Instead, I know that the story, my experience, speaks for itself. I've never had writer's block. I always have stories and poems going on, and I'm always creating drafts, even if I'm not putting them out to the public, but I do take breaks in order to allow certain works to "marinate." And that is why I've let Book Five sit for a time, because I've needed patience, distance, refection, time, and a new perspective in order to see the pattern, to bring out the individual style and path. I've needed this time to regroup and understand how to revise it.

And soon, I'll return to the process, allowing the new perspective to shine. And this break, these reflections, and these thoughts have brought me to a better place, one of direct strength and wisdom, one of freedom and humble delivery.

When I sit down to make changes, it won't take much time to revise it, as I have a clear plan in mind. There is a lot to take out, and there is a lot to add, because I'm now seeing what's most important. And so, Book Five is still in the works. And if you are here reading my thoughts and words, I thank you for your support.

Hope you have a beautiful day. Perhaps I'll see you out and about. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

The Foot

Just something I busted out on social media right now...perhaps it'll help someone. :) C.A.

The Foot

Good morning. Positive thought for today, for me, for you... Not long ago, from overwork and stress and such, among other problems, I had some inflammation on the bone on the front of my foot. I worked anyway, and I was hurting, and I was frightened about the upcoming doctor's appointment. Anyway, I was heading to get a grocery cart, when a man stumbled up next to me...I looked over, and the man smiled, but I could see that he was having trouble walking as well. So, I pulled out a cart for him. Immediately, he smiled wide, grabbed my hand, and kissed it. In that moment, I felt a rush of love, and right then and there, in the store, I stared into his eyes, looked deeply at this stranger, and cried...I'll get back to this, hang on...

Later, the doctor told me that he was glad I came, because my problem could cause a fracture, but I ended up getting insoles that are the opposite of most insoles...and I'll be needing new shoes...turns out, in a world of insoles, as usual, my body is unique and stubborn as all hell.

Anyway, this morning, I"m thinking of the stranger in the store, the man who could barely walk, and I know that insoles will not solve his problem. Believe me, I'm not a fan of thinking that I should be grateful due to others' misery, no, not at all. I believe that all of our experiences are important, and all of our trials deserve love and care. So, no, I'm not making a statement about "well, it could be worse." Actually, my take on this experience and this man's touch is this:  remember, no matter what, we're not alone.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell C. 2023

Two Miles In.

 

Just something I came across, one that feels hopeful. Hope you have a good day today...I'm up early these days...I go to bed really early as well. Stress has been getting to me, and I don't undertand much, but I have a lot of heart.

Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

Spade, Swirls.

 

Good morning! Just some things I took yesterday. Have a good day. Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Xmas Eve.

 

C.A. MacConnell <3

Two Dogs.

 

Just something I find amusing...these two are characters... now, one of them is gone, and there's another in its place. Today is a new day! A new me. A new you. 

Love,
C.A. MacConnell

Happy Holidays!

 

Happy Holidays and thank you for joining me on my artistic journey. Photo by me. Took it yesterday. :) My good friend's truck...his mom, Emily, a friend who just passed on, used to love riding around in this truck...celebrating her life as well. Like my grampie and my aunt, she had Alzheimer's disease.

Strangely enough, my grampie had a photographic memory his whole life, before the onset of his illness. He was a minister, and when he wrote sermons, after glancing at it once, he had it memorized! No lie. Grampie was quite gentle; he loved to garden, fish, and the like. At the dinner table, sometimes he told jokes that were incredibly long stories, ha; they were so long that I used to get lost in the story, and by the time he got to the punchline, I didn't get it at all, haha, but I laughed anyhow.

Emily was gentle at times, but she definitely had a fierce wild streak that I loved. Emily was a walker! Like me, she hated to sit still...we'd often run into each other on the streets, and we'd both be pounding away at the pavement, smiling. Literally, she kept on walking right up until the last month of her life. Unbelievable.

Thinking of both of them at the moment. People...so unique. I know Emily would have loved this photo. Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Glove 55.

 

Saw this on my walk today. :) <3
C.A. MacConnell

Fence

Just sharing some of my writing today. I love the rhythm of this one...Love, C.

Fence

Human, for years, I've been waiting.
Soon, I may warp into kindling --
no more than knots. Leaning back,
living in slant, there rests a ladder.
Today, may you reach out, touching
my strong side (the least faded,
the straightest, my shaded best).
Go ahead. Press your rising chest
against me. My mouth can take
the weight. You will make me --
one, lowly, man-made fence --
stand tall enough to come alive.
Peek above the jagged rows. Find
the crooked downside, for beyond
and below, a thousand splintered
stories, the aches of yesterdays,
are hidden within each crack and line.
So many whispers. All over, I hold
secrets. They are woven in.
They are carved into me
by little hands.

C.A. MacConnell

Reporter.

 

Just one I came across last night...liked the blurrrrrrr...love,
C.A. MacConnell

Fear of Goodness

Just some thoughts upon waking...

Fear of Goodness

This morning, I was thinking about my fear, and the source of it. For a while now, I thought the fear was about loss, loneliness, trying to support myself, and struggling to figure out ways to strike out on my own...

But I'm learning that it's really not about those things at all. You see, my main fear is this:  what if it is something good?

Ironically, what I am most afraid of is goodness. Because, in the past, several times, when I had a moment of great achievement, I had a powerful traumatic event occur at the same time and so, I associate the two. So now, when positive things roll in, as they have been lately, I become terrified, trained to believe it's a trick; it's as if I'm waiting for the "shoe to drop." I'll think things like this:  surely, I'm about to lose everything.

Strangely, it terrifies me to accept these things:  new opportunities, love without strings, healing, and positive growth. Lately, as I move forward, I continue to feel and experience such changes, and yet a part of the "old me" is still fearful and untrusting...sometimes, it rolls inside of me with a force, but I am able to "catch" it now.
 
Time to let that fear go, because I want a new me, one that believes that all is good, all is well, and that I deserve good things. Some of us grew up thinking that we were defective, that bad things should naturally come to us, that we deserved punishment, and the like.

But I'm realizing that that was false information, and I'm beginning to allow that thought to settle into my tricky brain, because those fears are no longer a part of the person I am becoming.

Here's to revelations. Here's to allowing success and love into my life. Today will be good, and today will be full of love, because I deserve nothing less.

Welcome to my new space of love. Perhaps you will join me in this new home.

C.A. MacConnell

Missing Windows.

 

I've always loved this one. :)
C.A. MacConnell

Winter Hawk.

 

Saw this hawk yesterday afternoon. I wish I'd had more time to snap some shots, but hawks sometimes aren't on my timetable. I was walking, and I wasn't dressed very appropriately, and it started to snow really hard. Soon, I was covered, head to toe, face and shoes and all, ha. I laughed and said to God, "I am a snowperson!" I was freezing, but it was so fun.

Starting some new work today, and I'm grateful, and somewhat nervous, but I suppose that's normal. Wish me luck. Moving forward slowly, hoping my body heals.

Hope all is well in your world! Sending out love and light, always. Don't understand everything at the moment, but my heart feels full...

Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Photo.

 

Last of the shots from yesterday. These turned out pretty cool! Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Night Walk Photos

 
Night Walk

Restaurant

Restaurant 2

Self

Had a lot of fun last night, shooting some things on a night walk. Couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd share, why not. Gonna hunt around for a close piano today, ha. Let's see what I can come up with...

Shout out to Greg Flannery, former editor-in-chief of Article 21 and CityBeat News. One of the best editors I've ever worked with. Also, shout out to Larry Gross, RIP, former editor of CityBeat Living Out Loud. Two of the best troublemakers I've had the pleasure of knowing.

C.A. MacConnell

Stairs.

 

Fun! I just took a night walk...here's one I liked. Never shot at night before. I'll share some more tomorrow. :) <3

C.A. MacConnell

Hot Dawg

 

Something random I just found, ha. Hope you're having a beautiful day, whatever you're doing! Trying to stay positive...doing better at it, but the "old me" still creeps in with a force at times. But what's cool about that is that I can feel/see the change inside of me in real time. Rad. Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Hollins Graveyard.

 

Good morning. One of my old hiding places. My life is changing. I've been singing, writing songs, taking photos, getting new work, all sorts of interesting things...feels exciting.

C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Fly

 

Good morning. Something I just wrote on social media that I liked, so I'm reposting it here...

Positive thought for today, for me, for you: "flow" is the word that comes to mind; I embrace all of my feelings. I don't need to "get rid of them immediately," feel shame, or punish myself or others. Rather, I can let the feelings settle and allow them to flow through me. There is a time to act. There is a time to wait. Every feeling is important and so, I can feel it until it changes, and it will change soon.

But if I get stuck on something, I can ask for guidance.

C.A. MacConnell

-- inspired by Melody Beattie's writing. She has been very helpful to me. Hope you have a wonderful day. Love to you, C.A.

Graveyard Sunset.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Straw, Away

 
Straw

Away

C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Self.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Snoopy.

 

This is so rad, if you look a little deeper. :)

C.A. MacConnell

River at Night.

 

Here's one of my mess-ups that I just found. Decided I liked it, ha.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Audience.

This week has been one of the most difficult ones that I've experienced in a long time, chock full of grief, panic, emotional, and physical pain, but I literally walked right through it, and I'm still processing but yesterday, I opened the blinds, peered out the window, and I noticed that there was a formation of branches that looked like a woman singing. Next to her, there was a formation of branches that looked like a man on his side. He appeared to be holding her, his arms wrapped around her. It was the sweetest little vision I’ve seen in a long time, and it honestly comforted me in a time of distress. I began to feel a spark of hope, hope that I knew would roll in at some point, because I've been through such battles before. Nothing quite like this, but similar hardships.

Today, the branches are still there, and they are still beautifully placed in that loving way. Right now, as I type, I'm glancing over at the image.

And I am here, and I feel alive.

And although I'm still wading through some deep grief, I feel a newfound strength. I'm thinking about all of the people I’ve known who never had the chance to use their voices – people that have passed due to emotional pain, neglect, abuse, and the like, countless people who (for whatever reason) never had the chance I have right now, the chance to tell the truth, the chance to break the silence. And I'm thinking about how I can be a voice for all of them.

I am far from alone.

You see, this morning, on the way to the foot doctor, a hawk flew right in front of my car, and I had the awakening that all of them, all of these angels in heaven, or whatever you want to call people who have passed on, all of them are behind me. Suddenly, I felt the presence of a great support, a vast, spiritual hug, if you will.

As difficult as these past two years have been, with all of the grief involved, now I know this:  there is no question in my mind what I am here to do. Because this is war, and I'm here to write and fight for all of us.

And so, I have been for 26 years. And so, I will continue to do so.

Stay tuned,

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. Of course, I need to tear into a Complete Cookie first. 🔥

X

 

Yesterday's story/photo was just random, something that popped into my head...this one shows exactly how I feel...seeking support and love...learning self-care, having every desire to give back.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Rugby

 

This is Rugby. I rode him a few times, and we had a great time. He was a talented fellow, but he was a total jokester, and he and I had a funny connection. He was at one barn where I worked and then, strangely, he was sold and showed up at another barn where I worked. Oftentimes, when his owner was brushing him, when she turned around, he'd bite the ass of her jeans. Then, he'd look at me to make sure I saw. She'd get so mad, and Rugby and I would be cracking up, looking at each other. Then he'd grab brushes with his teeth, throw them around, that kind of thing. His owner would get furious, and he and I would just be rolling. Yes, I can tell when a horse is laughing, and Rugby consistently played jokes on people and made sure to look over at me to make sure I was seeing it. Hilarious. 

I trained another horse, Johnny, who did similar things...he'd threaten to bite people and such. But neither horse ever did it to me. It was like an inside joke...if they didn't like someone, both of them were like this:  "Well, I could kill you if I wanted to, because you're annoying, but I'd rather have some fun today."

Ha, hope you have a good day. 💪💖😎😘

C.A. MacConnell

See the Light

 

Good morning. Love to you. Resting today. No pop/caffeine, Day One. Wish me luck. :)
C.A. MacConnell

Glove 52.

 

:) C.A. MacConnell

Photo.

 

Good morning. This is one of my favorites...saw it in a window one day while I was walking. I'm having trouble walking right now, actually. Have to rest, as I have a bad foot, among other things, so life is difficult right now. Saw this pic, and it gave me some hope. Perhaps it'll do that for you too...Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Glove 51.

 

Lost glove 51. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Push

 

C.A. MacConnell