Good morning. Positive thought for me, for you:
Here's an interesting thought pattern: "Internally and externally, I'm working on becoming perfect so that someone will love me."
Yeah, I know...at first glance, this statement seems ridiculous. But often, similar thought traps spew out of me and many others; this "striving for perfection/lack of love" is extremely common in homes affected by substance abuse. And take a look around, take a look at social media; it's all over the place. It's a trap, because perfection is obviously unattainable and so, this kind of thinking keeps me "separate" on purpose, rather I realize it or not. Why? Because feeling unlovable is familiar to me. Sad, sure, oh yeah, but familiar.
And as humans, we often reach for the familiar.
Until it's too painful, and it damn near kills us.
So how does someone turn this around? Well, through extensive past writing and therapy, I'm aware of the source, and I have been aware for a very long time. So, right now, I can tell you what I'm doing. Nothing. Ha, that's right -- nothing. See, with this ever-present awareness, change has been automatically rolling in each day.
Simply, I don't have to do much...it's just happening.
I'll always be an introvert, and I cherish that, but I am taking small steps to seek out people who will celebrate my story and voice, and vice versa. Just living, really. I'm becoming less hard on myself and others. I'm creating more plans here and there. Again, I don't need to morph into a different creature, but I keep the awareness close to my heart.
All of this has been teaching me how to do this: wait, dive in, love, stay.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
