Sometimes I think I need to "figure everything out." This notion creates a ridiculous anxiety tunnel in my mind. If I choose this thought pattern, here's what happens: I sit around, stare out the window, experience racing thinking when I'm trying to sleep, and I turn into a monster that's WAY too hard on myself. Woohoo! Fun stuff.
Some people take huge risks, and some don't, but in the past two years, I definitely have. I've experienced a complete upheaval, and I've made extremely difficult changes that I never thought were even possible (actually, less than .5% of humans in the U.S. have done what I've done) and right now, I'm still settling from that. I'll get into the details in my next book; it's too much to cover here, but I do know that I should be celebrating the strength I'm gaining from making it through such demanding experiences and yet, I still find myself thinking, "Hm, not good enough."
Not good enough? Ridiculous, false information. I am good enough. Not only that, but my story is an amazing one. Indeed, I am not alone here! We ALL have amazing stories. When I see others today, let me consider the secret battles that hide within all of us. When I do this, it changes my perspective completely. Instead of seeing "surface" humans moving around me, I step back, and I see living, breathing pieces of a greater miracle. Some call this miracle "God."
I don't need to spend time "figuring anything out." Because what catapulted this recent journey of change and growth? Something bigger than what exists in my perception, for sure. Events occurred in a way that I never could have predicted. Certainly, I wouldn't have made such dramatic changes if my life hadn't rolled out this way, because the series of surprises pushed me past a mountain of fear; my life literally shifted overnight, and I rapidly grew at a moment when I least expected it. Of course, I'm still processing it all, but...
This morning, reflecting on this turn of events, I know I don't have to "figure out" the next step, because when I am ready, I will know, and an awesome hand will hold me close, and the universe will give me a great push. Sometimes, I imagine that a powerful friend is always there -- a loving friend inside the hawks, the wolves, the trees, the moon, the sunrises and sunsets, the loving wind, and inside everyone and everything I see today.
When I was a baby, I never sat around and thought, "Hm, I'm not good enough." Rather, I simply ate, slept and played in the moment. Right here, right now, people are laughing or crying. With our amazing stories, we can help one another circle back to feeling like a child -- loved and complete.
C.A. MacConnell
