From the Deer

A poem from the POV of the deer. I really love how this turned out. <3 Literally, just finished this. Fresh off the presses. :) Please view on desktop for correct line breaks. Thank you. XO, C.A.

From the Deer

Oh, Hello. I see you. Skinny with not much hair at all. I am sorry
you only have two legs, but it is OK with me.
I do not have anywhere to go.
Some moons back, I had more hiding places. Now, everything
is confusing.
When you blink, I am ready to run away, but your teeth
are not too sharp.
For now, I will stay with baby, keeping track, looking sideways
nine times better than you, but nothing like
owls.
And this green is good in my mouth;
it goes down smooth.
But no wet falling. The sun
is mad all the time, I guess. I have a lot on my mind,
and the dry confuses me and my throat. Everything
is yellow and hot, which hurts my nose,
for one.

Colder soon.
The squirrels search for sticks. I am laughing
at them, and my tail is going wild. Then I get too hungry
and swallow a stone
and some funny flowers
which hurt my insides.

Maybe I will take baby to where they leave
corn. But that is too close to the animals like you.
They smell funny and walk around, holding snakes
that spit water at the ground. Green and black.
Some yell scary like coyotes.
Some coo coo like doves.
Others are quiet like butterflies.
It makes no sense why they hold water snakes,
because we all know the wet comes from
above. That is normal.

Oh, Hello. I still see
you. These little trees are sleeping all the time,
but every now and then they whisper
they are happy we are here.
Trees are nice.
Between the old, tall ones,
two of the boys fight each other for fun.
All the girls
laugh really hard enough to shake the ears,
except me,
because my hair is already starting to fall out,
which is early and makes me embarrassed and so,
I am quiet.

Our leader
is not far away. I know because he paws pebbles.
I hear his heavy handsome.
Because of his head, I am nervous
he could kill someone, but he never does.
He tells funny stories at night. Leaders do that – talk
until we are sleepy. They make us laugh and shut
our eyes. Then they jump up and act like they are going to kill
someone, even if they never do.
Sometimes they do
but then, the whole forest swallows them up, for one.

I still
see you, but I am staying here. I am so nervous to cross
the gray and yellow ground
that hurts my feet,
where the animals screech and move real fast, all
different shapes and sizes,
but so loud and stinky
with smoke and strange growling,
and they have eyes brighter than the sun,
and it makes all of us stare back,
and when we do, we forget to move,
and those bad ones hit us hard
and there is no turning back into life.
We all know not to look into the light but some days,
it takes one or two
by surprise,
which means the breath is gone.
I do not know where their sounds go,
but they are not here -- all stiff and cannot remember how to talk.

Then the birds circle down.
They have ripped wings and red faces,
and I am sad for them,
because they all want to be prettier.
There is nothing I can do about that.

I have a lot on my mind.
I cannot talk to you much more.
And I am thirsty, and I need to ask the turtles.
When I head for a drink,
I have to watch out. Sometimes, sharp sticks come flying
and other days, animals that walk around like you
wear green and brown,
but I can still see them,
nine times better,
and they have black, shiny things that bang, bang
like thunder and smell like fire and then,
you or somebody else is already
gone.

It is amazing to live today
with all of the bang like thunder,
the dry,
the yellow,
the sharp sticks,
and the lights,
and the screeching and strange growling,
and the fire and getting swallowed,
and all of the scary things.

It is OK with me that you only have two legs.
Skinny with not much hair at all,
but there must be a reason.
I guess I have never seen a shark, but the catfish
in the river told me all about them.
And so I believe in you, too.
Hello, I still
see you. Now I look to tell you that the trees
and I are happy you are here.
I have a lot on my mind, but I guess now
you are part of this hiding place.
I hear your heavy handsome.

I see opossum.
He knows everybody, and he tells me the time.
The moon will be here in a moment.
So, I only have a few minutes with you.
I still
see you.
My eyes are nine times better, but nothing
like owls.
Maybe you forgot.
I do not have anywhere to go.
I am worried about my job which is loving everybody.

Trees are nice.

C.A. MacConnell

Butterfly Heart

 
Good morning. Butterflies came to mind. I'm scared a lot. I think most people are. Seems like the trick isn't to make it "go away." The trick is to say, "Hey, today I'm a butterfly heart. And they still fly around anyhow, so that's what I'll do." Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

The Reach

Good morning. Books. Check out my novels today! You'll never forget the ride. :) Here's a poem for you. Love, C.A.

The Reach

With his fingers, one lonely man
carved a perfect, nude, stone sculpture.

A single woman penned a lofty book,
one about a shy, misunderstood

monster, a recluse who was half
machine. Others wrote elusive,
naked songs and poems. Nomads

poured out bibles and speeches.
Soliloquies. Today, each moment,

the world still cracks, falling in love
with Marilyn Monroe. And here I am,

digging into the stream, trying
to express what lies inside,
but like the rest, I'll never quite

reach. I'm sure you already know.

C.A. MacConnell


P.S. Some God thoughts for you this morning...

Perspective

What if? Everything and everyone around me are a piece of God.

And so am I. And so, I can celebrate myself, you, and the world today.

And I can focus on the beauty that surrounds me.

And I can see the beauty in myself.

If I lose sight, I can breathe, look up at the sky, and come back to it.

And I can know that I am worthy of all of the goodness I see. I am worthy of love, peace, and abundance, just as all of nature is. A beautiful perspective.

Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

Lean In, All 1

 
Lean In

All, 1

Always so much to learn! But always so much playing to be done! A balance, aye. 

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Sunday Night

 
A peaceful little shot. Thoughts? Good morning. Slow it down. Telling myself, thought I'd share. Take some time to get quiet, trust yourself, and you'll hear God there. Hope you have a beautiful day.

My Four Books.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

October 2023 Sky.

 

You can find my four novels here.

I have a whole file of sky shots. This is one of my favorites, taken about a year ago.

Lighten up, chipmunk. It'll all work out, and it's going to be an amazing surprise. Words that just came to me. One moment at a time sometimes. But I had the chance to be really helpful to two women yesterday. And maybe more. So that's rad. It's in my nature to be open. Sure, I have a filter, and I'm smart about it, and I know when to steer clear, but I'm very transparent most of the time. Sometimes, it scares people. But a great strength exists within vulnerability...that's the irony of it all. I used to worry about it, worry about judgment and the like...anymore, I just try to celebrate who I am and see who circles around me. 

We're all just running around trying to figure out this thing called "life." But this morning, I celebrate life itself -- the opportunity to be here and experience laughter, play, and love, like I did when I was little. Everything has changed, but not much has changed. I don't know what's right or absolute, but I do know one thing -- I never go wrong when I try and help with strength and grace, through my experience. And I never go wrong when I am true to myself but also, show kindness, compassion, and gentle love toward another human being...and that can come across in many ways...sometimes lean in...other times, let them be. Depends.

All I know is that I keep trying to come from my heart and each day, I'm chipping away at the things that block me from this true center. Cool! Remember to laugh today.

Everything has changed, but not much has changed. ;) What a ride.

Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Self, Last night.

 

I like to call this my "Joyce Carol Oates" selfie. Ha. I've read quite a bit of her work, and I admire her. Many of my favorite books have to do with where I was when I read them. Holding a flashlight, I read The Grapes of Wrath once during a blackout that lasted a week...and the book took a hold of me. I read The Giving Tree while sitting on the floor of my brother's bedroom, and I wasn't supposed to be there. I was alone, glancing at his bookshelf, bunk beds, and stuffed monkey. I was worried he might return and find me there, but when I grabbed the book and opened it, I was suddenly full of joy and excitement, and I shouted, "I can read!" because I discovered that I could. That was yesterday. Joking. I was really little. Ha.

You can find my books on Amazon NOW, right here.

Or, just touch/click on any of the book covers on the right side of this page; it'll send you there.

Ha, I was feeling fierce last night. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

ILY

 

To lean in and trust. Listen. To stay the course and allow myself to feel uncomfortable. Waiting for feelings to settle, circling back. Talk. Never giving up. Learning and feeling and growing. Helping or giving space. Being me. Allowing you to be you. Create. Together.

And always, of course, touch. And laughter!!!!!

There are so many ways to love.

Every day, I'm learning and becoming more open. All of the people around me teach me, when I am willing to see it. And somewhere in there -- in the learning, in people, in curious moments, in the moon and wind, and inside my heart, I see God.

Hope you have a beautiful day. Maybe I'll see you out and about. Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. Actually, it might not seem like it when you read what I wrote above, but this morning, I'm feeling a ton of fear. And I'm OK with it. :) It won't kill me. Never has before. My first, gut reaction is to want to escape it. But just now, I accepted it, and I know my body's just working through something. To be cliche...it's OK to not be OK. Takes the power out of it. <3 Spiritual advisers and pros have taught me this, and I get it, but I sometimes still need an outside cheerleader. Maybe I can be that for you, too. :)

Strange

Good morning. God thoughts:

Everyone around me is acting strange.
The whole world feels strange.
Whoa, I think there's something wrong; it's unfamiliar.
Or, maybe I've changed, and I'm seeing it all differently, and the new life hasn't fully entered into the picture yet.

Whoa, I think there's something right; it's a healthy perspective and love.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Books

Columbus.

 

I drove here to see a film that day. If there's something I really want to see, I'll just go...film, music, etc. :) I don't go out all the time, but when I do, it's usually special and unique, and I'll drive or whatnot. This photo reminds me of my adventures.

Good morning. Wonder what's gonna happen next!? Nice to start the day with excitement. XO. I've been feeling that spark a lot lately, and it's curious and childlike. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell.

Hey, yo:  My Books

Wolf.

 

Took this one on film. A lucky shot. Love to you. Have a nice evening. Hope to see you out and about. Thank you for your support here. 

C.A. MacConnell

Books

Wet Hooky

Good morning! Just now, I thought of this poem because we need rain! I'm one of those strange people who enjoys walking in rain and storms. Also, this piece is a little different than what I normally do for poetry...it's more playful, lighthearted, and the language is simple, but it heavily relies on rhythm and so, that makes it interesting to me. Also, it's sexy. :) It'd make a cool song with some slick drums. Anyway, I hope you like it, and I hope your day is awesome. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell👀💋😀😍☁☂

Wet Hooky

Go ahead. Come

down

softly.

Go ahead. Change your mind

and spit.

I have no say

in the way the sky

leaks.

Soak me heavy.

Send bullet-hail. Weigh

my brown hair down.

Darken all the light things –

everything alive, below,

exposed.

Whatever the season,

I'll still open

my mouth, letting my lower lip

hang loose, like an old horse.

I'll still let you touch

my tongue.

I'll still wait for you

to slide over me, over everything,

turning the world

clean or nasty.

I see your wet, wide work.

I see you water

this and that ground.

Some drops dance

for a penny-living.

Some drops

wear tap shoes -

sporadic, uncertain, polluted,

pausing for thunder,

no more than damp,

distant fingertips

pressing down dirty rooftops,

making gutter music.

Some hammer it home,

making surface skin sweat,

and the people hours become

all about the weather.

Go ahead. Come down

softly. Go ahead, change

your mind.

You are employed by the sky

I've found, and up there,

that’s where I’ll look for you --

in each, full moment

when the clouds spread.

You pour,

I sip.

We play hooky in the lightning.

C.A. MacConnell

Private Drive

 

An oldie but a goodie. Four gripping novels on Amazon now:  Amazon Author Page ... or, just click/touch any of the book covers on the right side of this page, and it'll send you there. Currently editing Book Five, nonfiction.

Thanks for supporting my art!

Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Trace

 

C.A. MacConnell

Kite

 

A guy told me that he thought this photo was dark and daunting. Ha! Funny, because when I took it, I was thinking all about being forever channeled into childhood, play, and freedom. It all depends on one's perspective, I guess. Oh well, mood fail. Ha.

Perspective. Back in the day, before we knew each other, my spiritual adviser and I both happened to attend the same self-help seminar...we both went during different years, but I think it's rather cool that we share that experience, and we both learned some of the tools. I found much of it to be life-changing, but it's not around anymore. One of the lessons was, "I love you, I accept you, even though I don't always understand you. I love myself, I accept myself, even though I don't always understand myself." I only attended the first seminar, called "Basic," a four-day sucker, but I went twice...two years apart. There were three other ones too, more in depth, that I missed out on, but I'm familiar with some of the tools...

Another idea was to make a contract w/ the self, picking four words with which to adhere. I finally did it yesterday: "I am Christine. I am courageous, worthy, successful, and free." I wrote it on my desk in permanent marker...actually, I have many sayings and quotes written on my desk, ha. In the afternoon, I added, "successful sleeper," ha. What four words would you pick?
Good morning. <3. Hope you have a beautiful day! 💞🙏😽My heart feels warm.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Why Not Me, Why Not You

 
Why Not Me

Why Not You

Evidence

I'll tell you what I was thinking about when I took these shots today. Dreaming, loneliness, and the like, how so many folks are secretly wishing and hoping and praying for so many various things, how we are all running around trying to survive. And if so, there is evidence in that simple action -- survival -- that we all believe. Perhaps from different perspectives, but we all believe in something. And believing...in itself...is mysterious, divine, and amazing. And I don't know about you, but even on my darkest days, I believe I am heard. Sometimes, I speak to the hawks, the leaves, the sky, the moon, the sun, or the storms. Oftentimes, I'm connected through nature. Or the people close to me. Or when I look into certain people's eyes. I see it all around me.

Why not me, why not you.

And why not use this evidence to lift each other up.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. Ha, when I write on here, I use a deep, passionate voice sometimes, for sure. But in person, I'm actually quite able to crack up at myself.

In, Lot

 
In

Lot

C.A. MacConnell

Perspective 4.

 

I like this because it can be taken two ways...frightening or lovely. I found it interesting. Anyway, I took this two days ago. I'm enjoying capturing these images...it puts me right in the moment, and it comes quite naturally to me. This would be a cool film shot or a cool book cover!

Heart feels solid. :) Happy with creating. I've been working on some rad songs too. Best I can describe my mood.

C.A. MacConnell

Safe.

 

I'll tell you what I was thinking about when I took this shot yesterday. Why not. When any person goes through a great deal of trauma and recovers from it through years of hard work, it is wonderful. And I have. Many others have too. And yet, there is something else to realize and muddle through, and it's huge.

You see, after the recovery, even 10 or 20 years later, it's easy to slip into the obsession of "How am I feeling?" or "Am I OK?" I like to call it "constant self-checking." And here's the trick:  this obsession, in itself, can actually make a person feel horribly anxious or "not OK," when in fact, the person is just fine...doing all of the right things, doing well, progressing, etc. I have some wonderful people in my life -- both professionals and spiritual advisers -- who have helped me to see this reality, and I am incredibly grateful. I suppose it's a natural reaction to present stress or life change; my body kicks in, and it's trying to protect me from the past. And so, the worry will snowball from time to time, but I'm also aware of it, so it's "not as much fun," ha, shall we say, to tunnel into the worry.

Perhaps my transparency about it will help someone; I've noticed this trend in others as well. And perhaps someone out there needs to hear this:  ease up on the "self-checking" today. Good morning. You are just fine. You are safe. You are loved. You don't need outside reassurance. You already know what to do. Simply, you are beautiful just the way you are in this moment.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. 💪🙏💓