Butterfly Girl

 

Good morning. Just sharing one that makes me smile. Film shot. :) Hope you have a great day! 

C.A. MacConnell

Inside My Pocket.

 

C.A. MacConnell

When Facing You

Just wanted to post something simple and sweet, yet creative and deep. Here's a little love poem I wrote a while back. Why not spread something from the heart? Sometimes a few words go a long way. The whole "less is more" idea. :) Hope you have a great night, whatever you're getting into! I really like this piece. Hope you do too. Love, C.A.

When Facing You

Someone drew
a white tiger
on every
inch
of duct tape,
and suddenly,
I was called upon
to study
the stripes.

C.A. MacConnell

Piece of God

What if, each moment, I saw everything and everyone around me as a piece of God?

The shaky trees, the woman searching for blueberries, the full clouds, Cliff's jokes, an aisle moment with Robert, a hug from Krista, the silence, a ridiculous mailbox, a full bred labrador with saucer-eyes, a yellow mansion, a grey ranch, Chanell's tan hat, a Cadillac SUV, a souped-up Hyundai, a high five, a graveyard, a bike trail, a dark horse, laughs with Shawntell, a handshake with Vince -- what if all of these happenings were a piece of God? Not some...but rather, all.

What if I allowed myself to gently fall into the flow of things and simply be a part of the wonder of life?

What if my perspective remained here without any affirmation? Although in my heart, suddenly and miraculously, I will surely see the hint of proof suddenly appear from time to time.

What if I allowed this perspective to fully take hold? Not sometimes...but rather, all of the time. What if I lived this out fully? 

Peace.

Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Photo

 

Just took this a few minutes ago. Surprised how it turned out. :)

C.A. MacConnell

Sun Cross

 

Good morning. Wish me luck as I navigate this time of transition; it all depends on my perspective. Sunrise is in 28 minutes :). I wonder what's going to happen next. I have a feeling it's going to be amazing.

Last night, I was praying for direction, and I heard a little voice tell me this:  you need more time to heal. You won't have to do anything at all. I felt that there were a bunch of angels pulling for me, and I felt some peace in that moment of surrender, rather than doing, doing, doing, worrying, worrying, worrying. Yesterday, I was able to really help someone, and it was a joyful experience. I hope to do that again today. And when I looked around the room, and I saw people waving and smiling, and when I moved around the room, and I saw people reaching to hug me, I was touched by the power of the experience, suddenly struck by the realization that I was surrounded by friends and supporters. It was an important moment for a person who used to be so reserved. I have changed. I am changing, and it was a reflection of the shift.

A mix of quiet strength and a certain softness is rolling in. 

I wanted to share that with you this morning. XO. Hope you allow some softness to enter your life as well. Be good to yourself. You deserve it, and so do I.

Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Next Steps.

 

Here's a photo I took of a local skate park...it later became my cover photo for my second book, The House of Anchor. Hey! 

I have four published books on Amazon now, and they're all fast paced with an element of mystery, but each one is quite unique. Witty, intense, and slick. The dialogue is undeniably real. :)

To check out my novels...just click/touch the book covers on the right side of this page! Or, see my Amazon Author Page right here.

I have a plan in mind for my next steps...for my next few books (two of which are nearly ready to go, yay), for my work life, for my photos, for my poems, etc. Feels good to have a plan but then again, sometimes the universe shakes it up, ha. But one thing's certain...I'm proud of my day, my hard work, and each one of my photos, essays, poems, and books. I'm definitely not a slacker!

This part of my journey has been a test among tests, and I suppose I'd be happy just rocking on a porch swing with a stuffed horse for a while too, no lie. <3

Hope you feel beautiful and loved. Life's too short to feel any other way. And I hope that your adventures are awesome. Hope to see you in person. And I thank you for your support and inspiration. Celebrate all that you are. No one is anything like you. <3

Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Lyra, Daphne.

 
Lyra

Daphne

Some lovely ladies I hung out with a while back. Hope you're well and happy. Kinda reminded me of Sally Mann photos. She went to Hollins University as well, and I have always been a huge fan of her work.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

I Spy

The sunset road
stretches out before me
like a pale, lined tongue.
Let me follow the limit.
I never wear a seat belt.
I never look both ways.
Lost inside a red,
deserted place
my figure is fine.
Driving alone,
junkyard tires
kicking up dust,
I am barely twenty-two,
tearing across Wyoming,
looking for horse plates.

C.A. MacConnell

Railroad

 

Good morning. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Shelby

Shelby's looking a little rough, ha. Am I the only one who thinks this display for hair extensions is absolutely hilarious? Every time I walk by here I crack up. I don't want Shelby or her friend getting anywhere near my hair. haha.

C.A. MacConnell 

Trust, Lost Feather, Week Off

Trust

 
Lost Feather

Week Off

C.A. MacConnell

Two Ants and a Worm

 

C.A. MacConnell

Hold Close.

 

Just took this. XO.

C.A. MacConnell

Pinwheel Love

Something that just popped into my head:

Prayer for Self

Good morning.
I love you.
I am beautiful in every way, just how I am.
I'd like to get to know myself more,
even after all of these years,
because today is new,
and so am I.
How does that sound?
Smile. I am courageous.
But remember to be gentle.
Wonder what magic I'll come across today.
Let the God inside of me be awake.
I can't wait to see what happens next.

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. Sometimes, I can really hear the spirit speaking to me in the morning, and I share it randomly. I've had a few interviews; wish me luck. :) XO. <3 to you, C.A.

Always, There is Light.

 

Hi there. Just pushing through fear and moving forward here, ha. PT and job hunting and such. Also, attempting to rest. Looking for something steady... check out my bio and send me a message. Pass it on! And overall, I'd be interested in anything with the arts or helping people, for sure.

I'm also super grateful for friends' support as of late. I do intend to get my photos out there, and I also dream of having my books become films. :) XO. I also have two nonfiction works that I plan on releasing. Open to all of the options, practical and magical. Yes. I fully intend to embrace all things mysterious, beautiful, magical, and awesome every single moment. 

Hope you're having a beautiful day. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Uncharted Territory

Sometimes, there's a point in life when I feel this:  hm, this is uncharted territory. Not sure what I'm doing, where I'm going, or what's going to happen. Exactly. From time to time, I've noticed this underlying sense of powerlessness, but it has been stronger in the past few years.

Building up to this, there's usually a mountain of fear that comes along with it. And the fear shows up in various ways. Fear can be so powerful that it can block me from even seeing something incredible, something good -- a gift, an opportunity, and the like. I like to call fear a "thief of happiness."

Many times, in the past, because of this thread of doubt, this wall of anxiety, this fear of the unknown, I chose to stay where I was; that is, I may have changed jobs but then, I'd grab on to a similar job and so, there was really no change. Years back, I may have changed relationships, but then I jumped into a similar relationship -- whether it be with friends, partners, spiritual advisers, or whatever the case. I suppose the fear, and the blockage, was ingrained in me as a way to "protect myself" -- it was old information from my upbringing and experience, and I was unable to break through all of those false messages that I believe chip away at people in general, and they sound like this:  no matter how hard you work, you're not good enough, you're alone, you're defective, your story should be silenced, you're not important, and most of all, you're unlovable. And in my case, and in the case for many people, these messages have surely become darker.

But now, I've noticed that when I come to this point of powerlessness, I'm choosing differently, and I'm not allowing old fears and old "tapes in my head" to rule the game. I'm feeling it. Lord knows I'm feeling it, but I'm going forward anyhow. In this process, I've noticed that everything in my life is changing and shifting, and it's extremely uncomfortable at the moment, but I'm already beginning to see the differences. And I'm starting to hear and believe different suggestions, such as this:  you are talented, be gentle with yourself, you have worked hard, you are beautiful, who cares what people think, be gentle with yourself, your story is important, you deserve to be happy, you are surrounded by people who love you.

I like these new thoughts. Indeed, it is uncharted territory, but it is better. Last night, I noticed that I was hugging a number of different folks -- people I knew, people I barely knew. I felt a new sense of openness and love creeping in, and I wanted to share it.

We need each other, indeed. We are in this together. And regardless of what your mind and body are telling you, remember this:  you, like me, are unique, powerful, important, beautiful, and lovable. 

C.A. MacConnell

Wolf.

 

Probably one of my all-time favorites. Taken on film. Wolf. I'm taking a week off. Don't know who needs to hear this, but hey, we're gonna be OK. God's got it. Hope you're having a beautiful day...<3. XO. I figure the true compassion and love will find me...if I keep doing the next right thing. Seems to be the course to take, truth. One moment at a time.

Love to you, everyone,
C.A. MacConnell

Heron.

 

Hello. I stopped work early today. I'm a bit overwhelmed by too much work, the heat, and difficulty paying bills...my body needs rest, and my dad had a stroke today. But this photo makes me feel peaceful in the moment. Hopefully it'll bring you peace too. I'm relatively calm, considering. I feel close to nature/God right now. 

C.A. MacConnell

The Freedom is Key

Right now, I'm grateful for the tools I've learned from so many great teachers...in the classroom, and in all of life. Lately, I've been harnessing all of these thoughts and really putting them into practice throughout my days. I have two key spiritual advisers who tend to ask questions rather than "tell me what to do." They allow me the freedom to feel, and they don't try to fix me. This is tough as hell sometimes (grinning here), but it allows me to see, in fact, that which I already know. The freedom is key. Right now, no holding back, feeling however whenever, I'm embracing the grey area, so to speak, quite a bit more. And I'm keeping this idea of "freedom" in mind whenever I'm around others, in all of my relationships; that is, I aim to respect the person for who they are, for their unique journey.

Action, compassion, freedom. Those three words explain love best to me right now. The whole "live and let live" mentality. Experiencing it every day. And learning how to recognize when my mind starts racing, or I sink too low...experiencing the ability to turn it around in real time. Hard stuff, but amazing changes, nonetheless.

Trust yourself. Slow it down. Two of my favorite sayings that have been passed on to me.

This isn't a formal essay. Just my afternoon thoughts, on the fly, in the moment. Maybe this will help someone. XO. Freedom, action, compassion. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Photo, Self.

 

Good morning. Well, this is what I look like lately, the real me last night, no photoshop or whatever. A rare smiler photo. Please check out my rad books.

Also, I have a master's degree in English and Creative Writing from Hollins University. For thirty years, I've chiseled my way through every aspect of writing and editing. I'm always actively seeking freelance work. I've done music and artist bios, book editing, journalism, copy, creative nonfiction, screenwriting, essays, direct mail, fiction, nonfiction, poetry, and on and on, ad infinitum. You name it, I've done it. I can grab on to any genre, no problem, from medical copy to comedy to horror. Of course, I prefer working in creative areas, but I also spent years in music promotion, and I enjoy building up others' art. My specialties:  dialogue, voice, grabbing an audience, creating a smart, fast pace, and fine tuning. I am a creative at heart, but I've never missed a deadline...I'm passionate, but I'm also driven and focused.

My full bio is here. I have a plethora of writing and editing knowledge, and I've fully put it to work in my personal endeavors; I also use my experience to focus on others' projects and goals. Helping others grow their individual talents makes my heart sing. I've worked with a vast number of clients, including nonprofits, corporations, and individuals. 

Please email me here.

Hope you have a beautiful day.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Photo.

Saw three little ones today. Two were in the graveyard, and they surprised me. Be gentle with yourself, OK. Have a good night. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

In the Grey

 

Just came across this little gem. :) Hope you like it. I do. Love to you, 
C.A. MacConnell

Self.

Good morning. Love to you. Never give up.
C.A. MacConnell

 

Humble Voice.

Good morning.

Let's see. A little unsure, a little unsteady?

That's a little, humble voice. Relax, go with the flow. What is supposed to leave my life will leave, and what is supposed to enter my life will enter.

But there may be a surprise.

There may be a feather or a cannonball.

And when I see and feel the magic, grab on.

C.A. MacConnell

July Afternoon, Self.

 

Just sharing something from my life. Me, sleepy-laughing, this morning. And the sky, this afternoon. Thank you for supporting my archaic, but lively site. Ha. Hope you had a good day. And yes, as you can see by my ancient shirt, I <3 Jeff Buckley. 

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Love Poem.

Ha, out and about, I joke a lot, and I can be lighter for sure, but it's in my nature to be intense, I suppose, ha. But I read something this morning..."be intense and passionate and see who draws close to you." It felt rather freeing. :) The idea of "be you" and see who sticks around. I mean, of course I've heard that before, but it was a nice reminder. Here's a poem for you...I like it, b/c I like the ones with a twist. And I like it because it does show a side of my real desires and hopes. Some of my poems are more like characters, but this one is more from raw feeling. I admit it's kinda jarring. XO, C.A.

Love Poem

 
I need a guitar,
and a new tattoo.
I need a dollar
to buy a lotto ticket.
Winner winner chicken dinner.
I need a woman
to show me how to heal.
I need a man
with a tattered jacket,
and a trick up his sleeve.
I need a black Camaro
with Kentucky plates,
and a rooster, a dog, and a glove.
I need a mailbox that leans,
and a doctor
who knows how to fuck.
If I could go back,
I'd take up the drums,
just for the muscle.
I need a mighty voice, a piano,
and a damn safe spork.
I need a shovel, a white room,
a backpack,
and some noise.
I need new employment
in the sky.
There is one person
I’d like to mention.

C.A. MacConnell

Stairs.

 

I just came across this little one...I rather like it. You ever feel like the universe presents you with stairs/hurdles...one at a time? I do. And I suppose my perspective has a lot to do with it. Recently, I've taken huge leaps and enormous risks...and so, every day has been unique, challenging, joyful, horrible, awesome, hilarious, you name it. Now I know the difference between "studying" a spiritual text versus actually deeply jumping in and living it. I jumped in. I really jumped. Not perfect, let me tell you, but here I am. At some point, I'll be able to write about all of this mess in detail. I dove into it a little two days ago in that essay I posted below, right here on this site. Just a little, aye.

For now...perhaps a teddy bear.

Hope you had a beautiful day! Hope your journey is helping you grow closer to light, compassion, kindness, and love. That's what I envision for myself, anyhow. :) XO Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Going Forward.

Ironically, "going forward" in life can look awfully strange. There can be a lot of this:  fear, tears, anger, uncertainty, and grief for the old self. One would think that "going forward" would equal an immediate sense of sureness and self-esteem, or one might assume that a person would "look good." For me, when it's a big leap, and numerous changes occur, it's more of a long process of tumultuous feelings, random and unexpected; it's not merely one celebration or event.

Sometimes, I look messy. Days can be strikingly different, one to the next. And there are crucial days when I seem to really feel the pull of the past, and I doubt my moves, and everything in my whole being seems to want to return.

But this feeling -- wanting to return -- gnaws at my whole being because it's familiar. Even though it doesn't work anymore, it's familiar. What's unfamiliar and scary? The new version of myself. But in my heart, I know that's where I really want to go. So, when I push through one of those really tough days, one of those days when I feel the hardest pull to give up, when I move forward anyhow, in spite of the difficulties, pain, confusion, strangeness, and fear of the unknown, that's when I see the true strength of my character.

Because my whole being might feel frozen, but I take a step forward anyhow. And that's huge.

And also, that's a sign of hard, internal work over many years. And when I make this decision to move forward despite the pull of numerous fears, I know I'm winning; that is, I'm letting go of my old self and moving onward and upward, heading toward becoming someone stronger, allowing the change. Some say it in words such as this:  "letting go of my will and moving toward what God wants me to be." There are many ways to describe it, I suppose.

Everything matters in this process -- nature, professional help, group meetings. friends, movement, hugs, compassion, cheerleaders, and sometimes, just patience. Everything matters.

Just yesterday, I had one of those days when my old self was really screaming out, trying to "take me back," so to speak. I felt all of the feelings, but I know the old ways don't work for me anymore. So, I simply felt the feelings, allowed myself some time, and didn't act on it. I'd call that another miracle.

Because I'm moving toward happiness, abundance, kindness, compassion, and love. I am at a critical point in my life. I'm at a place when it would be easy to regress and fall back into old ways, but I'm choosing not to, and it's tough as hell, but I know it'll be worth it if I keep on relying on that deep, inner voice that I consider a large part of what I view as God.

When everything is stripped away (and truly, everything has been stripped away), I can clearly hear that voice, and I grow closer to my spirituality. And when I show up and let people in on who I really am, that draws people closer to me as well. 

This morning, I'm still making a decision to go forward, despite a tough day yesterday. Actually, a tough week. And each time I feel horribly uncomfortable and make such new decisions anyway, I begin to change.

Oftentimes, in the aftermath of hard weeks, days, or moments, when I choose to press on, it feels like I'm sipping in strength.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Circus Clown 2, 3.

 

Good morning. Don't forget to laugh today. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

From the Groundhog

Good morning early risers. I've been seeing a lot of groundhogs lately, as well as deer and rabbits. :) Groundhogs always make me chuckle. Here's one of my favorites...a poem from the P.O.V. of the groundhog. Hope you have a beautiful day. Maybe I'll see you out and about. Enjoy my wordplay with voice. :) Love to you, C.A. 

From the Groundhog

to tell you the truth today is so much fun yeah I am making my way
across the graveyard
funny bones everywhere all in the way under the grass here
when I dig my way up and have a surprise
a living two-legger comes and makes noises like birds
she makes no sense like birds
I think you call her a girl
she goes by so fast-like and scary
and her face looks wet
so I am laughing and whistling at her because its not even raining
and she isnt swimming or anything
so why shes wet and moving around
I have no idea
doesnt look like shes digging anything
I mean it is hot
but everyone smart knows thats what fur is for
to soak it all up
don't know why she doesnt have fur or even feathers
it is so weird and hilarious
Im so glad Im not a squirrel
and I am showing all four of my white teeth because she calls me
a little guy
and I for one know that Im one of the larger of the group
Im almost 13 pounds
Joking to tell you the truth I am 14
which is kind of embarrassing
I should only be 12 pounds
I know
hahaha
but no one cares at all
they burrow all around and pay no attention anyhow
I am 4 years old so I might die whenever and I dont mind
but theres one thing I do get mad about
dont go calling me a woodchuck because thats not nice at all
thats why I cant stand the fish
hey I would stay to listen to the girl with the wet face
but I am busy climbing and I have to practice and to tell you the truth
I like to be by myself all the time
the trees understand me too
they tell me when the leaves move
yeah I like to be alone except for mating time
because its so ridiculous
we all crack up and roll around
and I guess we have to meet up other days
because we are building another tunnel
hey its annoying sometimes you gotta be with the others
whether you like it or not
to make a plan and hide because last year a coyote
took my uncle
and dont even get me started on that skinny wolf
he shouldnt even be around here
but I guess his family kicked him out
maybe I should tell the two-legger
that he needs someone like the fish
and she looks like she needs a friend with fur
because she cracks me up like she is
running around mostly naked except for some loose red and black skins
hanging off her middle looks like it might all fall off in a storm
to tell you the truth
yeah two leggers would be much better off
if they had something to soak up the wet
yeah I have to whistle again
to tell her how big I am
she makes no sense at all like birds
wish me luck funny bones all over under the grass here

-- C.A. MacConnell

Thunderbird 2.

 

Nature is incredible.

C.A. MacConnell

In the Flow

Yesterday, heading out to do deliveries, I felt “in the flow” of things. I thought, “God, in work today, lead me where I need to go to help people. It's not about money; it never is.” And so, instead of my usual routine, I journeyed to different areas, and as the day rolled out, I found myself connecting with people in such a real way -- strangers, people I knew, you name it.

On one delivery, a girl told me her father was diagnosed with cancer, and I was there to give her a hug at just the right moment. Another job sent me to a day care. There, while the rest of the kids were playing wildly, one little girl stood still, intently gazing at me, as if looking for direction. I said, “Well, aren’t you beautiful.” First, a look of shock. Then, her smile. The smile of all smiles. She needed to hear it, I could tell. Throughout the day, I helped people find obscure items. I helped a woman unload bags into her car. On and on, as I looked around, I tried to stay in the flow of things, to be a source of goodness.

Then, for an hour or so, I fell back into focusing on myself. I felt rushed, scared, lost, and sore. I noticed that I lost the positive energy, and I reminded myself to “slow it down,” took a break, and got back with the flow, or “into God,” as some would say.

Peace reentered the picture and again, over the hours, I felt more like a “messenger” of goodness. I didn't feel my physical pain as much. And I forgot about the cash flow. Simply, I just rolled with the day, and I made enough money without thinking about it.

When I change the focus, when I'm in the flow of all that's good, it all works out, and I can be an angel of sorts to others. Why is it that I forget? I'm a human being, and I often veer toward thoughts of the self. Sometimes I have to be reminded of this: we are all capable of being angels. We are in this together. Right here, right now.

And maybe, as I write to you, I can continue to remember why I'm here. And maybe today, I won't lose track. Maybe I'll stay right "in the pocket," as my friend Jay would say. When I told him I stole his saying, he said, "Each one, teach one." I stole that one too.

Each one, teach one. Stay in the flow of goodness. Well, aren't you beautiful.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell