We Just Held Each Other

Positive thought for today, for me, for you:

I've been grieving many things this year. I know I'm not unique here. Because in this instant, various people are going through the whole gamut of emotions right now. Whitman comes to mind. In the poem, Song of Myself, Whitman wrote, "Do I contradict myself?/Very well then I contradict myself,/(I am large, I contain multitudes)." See, over there, if you look closely, someone is weeping. And somewhere else, another is freaking out and then, cracking up. Humanity is what it is.

But with grief, I've noticed that there is no real pattern to the emotions, and they are many. I've had ongoing, challenging physical reactions as well. Anyway, one day last week, I was in the middle of my workday, buying a cookie at a quickie mart. Right at the register, randomly, I broke out in tears. (Now, this might not seem like a "positive thought for the day," ha, ha, I know, but wait...stay with me...)

You see, one special woman was working that day. Special, because she noticed my tears, and she began talking to me. Even though people were waiting in line, she stopped, ignored her work, and she put all of her attention and energy on me. Indeed, she had intense, strong, beautiful, almond-shaped green/brown eyes, and as we talked, I realized that she and I had experienced similar circumstances, although her story was much more challenging, and she was further along the path than me. By the way she spoke and moved, I could tell that she was strong as fuck. She paid no mind to the other customers, and she walked around the counter, hugged me, and held me for a while. We stood there -- two strangers embracing -- and she began to tear up as well.

Simply, in the middle of customers, workdays, commotion, and the like, we just stopped everything...we just held each other.

And feeling her warm arms around me, I realized that if she could press forward, I could too. And I was reminded once again that vulnerability is never a sign of weakness; rather, it brings us together, and it creates miraculous moments.

And guess what? I trooped through the rest of my day, and I felt strong as fuck, like her. Because honesty and true connection brought me right back into the moment and suddenly, God was strikingly present inside and around my small self, living and breathing between this woman and me.

When we are vulnerable and share our authentic stories of life experience, we are always in the right place at the right time. We have the power to change and save lives.

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. Good morning, R. Just a note to say I love you.

Ready to Ride.

Good morning. Positive thought for today, for me, for you: night before, I had a dream that some man smiled and quietly asked me if I'd like him to get my horse ready for me to ride. I jumped and smiled. My horse was bay, huge, and cantankerous, but in the dream, I was riding him.

See, I worked my ass off in the horse business for 20 years...I was a shit shoveler, lounge cleaner, rider, groom, assistant trainer, trainer, you name it. Even when I was a trainer, no one ever got a horse ready for me, ha. Over the years, I've had numerous horse dreams -- most of them have involved panic -- late for a show, missing lessons, looking for my old horse, things of that nature. In every single one, I've never made it to actually riding.

But in this particular dream, I did. I was simply riding.

One of my main spiritual advisors, someone other than my sponsor, has been gravely physically ill for the past couple of months and at first, I was rather frightened. I've leaned on him for many years. But it's been teaching me an important lesson, and I can hear him whispering it in my ear, even though he's not in front of me. It's this: trust yourself. You have a vast amount of insight, more than they do. Trust yourself.

And so, I suppose I'm finally ready to "ride;" that is, although I realize there is always more learning, I know that all of the experiences, all of the work I've done...I don't have to look outside myself for answers. The answers are inside of me.

C.A. MacConnell

Photo, Film Shot.

 

Good morning. Stay with it! Don't give up. Sometimes, life may feel strange or confusing, but I'll realize later that I was simply ... just on the edge... on the edge of happy. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell.

Sunday Night.

 

C.A. MacConnell

ILY

 

Sending out a lotta love and light tonight. Been gushy today, ha. :) Lately, I'm so raw...feels good though. Just feeling it all. Not hiding anything lately. Can be messy, can be beautiful.

C.A. MacConnell

Night with You.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Good morning. Just some thoughts...

Good morning. Positive thought for today, for me, for you:

I've always believed in "true love." I still do. People mean all sorts of different things when they use those words. For me, the words hold a touch of magic and mystery, just as the word "God" does.

See, when people use the word, "God," they usually mean different things. But people who have a similar view of "God" often gather together.

And so, it seems to me that two who believe in a similar notion of "true love" are working on finding their way together. And they have been, all along, without even realizing it.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Photo.

 

Good morning,
C.A. MacConnell

Log Men.

 

These guys crack me up, every time I look at this photo. Wonder about the conversations they must be having. Actually, I've written some poems, lines, and stories about them. Just trying to lighten my morning. Indeed, I've been too serious!

Hope you have a good day. What I'm thinking about:  how can I show compassion and love toward myself today? How can I show compassion and love toward you? That's what's on my mind.

Been trying to focus on letting God lead me to the next step, in the moment...where I go, what I do, just follow what happens...for instance, follow the surprises...if I get a random text asking me to go to a certain place, go, stuff like that. :) Attempting to let go of my controlling nature in small ways. Takes some of the pressure off, anyhow, ha. Let's see what happens next.

Hope I get a chance to communicate with those I need to...I've been confused for a long time, but it's OK. It has forced me to look at myself. Humbling and painful, but real and so, I'm grinning as I write this, because it's changing my life, and I feel a deeper love there.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Photo.

 

Yesterday, I met someone, and after we were just exchanging brief words, I said to him, "There is a lot of comfort in your eyes. Thank you." It wasn't what he said. It was simply the way he looked at me, and the feel, and it was interesting...it felt like the comfort was coming from the whole universe. Very cool feeling. I could feel God in the silence. He was touched by it as well. Never know when you might be a messenger of sorts.

Good morning. Wonder what God has in store for me today? Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Bird, Cloud.

Good morning! Can't say from day to day I'm very grounded, because I'm in some unknown territory I suppose...best I can describe it without writing you a novel right now, but I'm rolling with it the best I can without being drastic, so I'm proud of that. Something I just wrote on social media that kinda describes it:  Good morning. Positive thought for today, for me, for you: maybe it's cliche, but it's entering my mind...follow the heart. I can do this, just today. Because my heart seeks love...I want to head toward that. Sometimes I get lost, but that's where God comes in.

Hope you have a good day. Hope I get a chance to talk to those I need to very badly! But this past year or so has been very confusing, and I honestly have no idea what I'm doing sometimes. Maybe that's good, I dunno. Maybe that's humility. Who knows. I'm not even going to try and be wise today. I'm just going to try and do the basics...go to work and be kind. Put one foot in front of the other...that kind of thing. Seems like I can't go wrong there. Maybe there is wisdom in that, ha.

Hey, God, help me out here. That's my prayer this morning.

Hope you have a beautiful day. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Man on Steps, New Orleans. And a Little Note.

 

A shot I took when I was in New Orleans briefly. Not a huge fan of the city...too much for me, ha. But I did enjoy the swamp tour and the ghost tour. Here's something I just wrote on social media...just where I'm at this morning...

Good morning. Positive thought for today, for me, for you: I woke up feeling dark, untrusting, alone, and fearful. Today, I can step outside of myself and know that these feelings come from past, false information. And today, I know that recognizing this is part of my journey to love myself and in turn, part of my journey to love you.

Some days, I can successfully turn it around quickly now, but not always. This has been hanging on since yesterday. But the acknowledgement of it is key, and I'm learning slowly.

Love to you, C.A. MacConnell.

Red in Winter.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Winter Saturday.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Double Slide.

 

C.A. MacConnell

January 20, 2024

Theme for today:  dangerous and sexy.

C.A. MacConnell 

Skater, Devou Park.

 

Good morning. Wanted to post a colorful shot today. Feeling happy/content at the moment. :) Been reflecting a lot lately...when I look back, I can see so many amazing things. Sometimes I can't see it in the present tense...and when I think about all of the hard stuff I've trooped through, it makes me feel full. I'm a little scared too, b/c it's ingrained in my nature to be fearful when I'm happy. I know, sounds strange...but there's good reason for this. I've gotten better at allowing the joy to roll in, but it's taken time for me...

Hope you have a beautiful day, wherever you are, whatever you're getting into. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

Kylin.

 

One of my faves of him. <3,
C.A. MacConnell

Coffee or Tea.

Photo on film. I've always liked this shot. At first, this coffee shop was a cluttered mess that was owned by the same guy for like 20 years. He roasted his own beans, and he was rather fiery, to say the least, and he adored the band, Marcy Playground. Played that band 24/7. Actually, I met that band once briefly, but I never told the coffee shop guy, because I thought he might freak out, ha. But I liked this fiery fellow a lot. Then he disappeared, sold the shop, and it became a new coffee shop -- less cluttered, more Prince memorabilia, and I worked there. Just to pay homage to the first owner, I sometimes played Marcy Playground, ha. Then, a year later, it shut down again, and it became yet another coffee shop, one that is currently ultra-modern. I have to say, I liked the first one the best.

Good morning. Just something that rolled out of my brain just now. Perhaps it'll be helpful? Reposting from social media:

Positive thought for today, for me, for you: sometimes, gratitude can be a strange concept and also, it can feel not as authentic or forced at times...but I like to harness it, make it a bit smaller and more attainable, and think of it like this: I'm grateful for this experience right now, because down the road, I will see the pattern and the miracle, even if the true nature of things escapes me at the moment. So let me stop, pause, look up at the sky, and notice the beauty and mystery of this instant. Guess what? I am part of the beauty and the mystery. Thank you.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Boots.

 

C.A. MacConnell