C.A. MacConnell
8/19/2022
8/17/2022
8/16/2022
8/15/2022
8/10/2022
8/09/2022
Photos: Sides.
My Side
Your Side
Our Side
Here's a little collection I took yesterday. Hope you like it. XO. Have a good day.
C.A. MacConnell
C.A. MacConnell
8/08/2022
8/07/2022
F'n Rad! Buttface and the Wolf Man
A while back, I was teaching yoga, and it was a good-sized class, like 20 people. It went so smooth. I really felt in the zone. Well, when it came time for deep relaxation, it was nice and quiet in there, so I turned the music off and went back to stretch out on my mat and relax with everyone. Well…
Right at that moment, when everyone had their eyes closed, this guy came barreling into the room with his headphones on, and he decided to lift some weights. Since he had those headphones on, he didn’t know he was breathing so loud that it sounded like he was having some rough sex for a long, long time. We could all hear it. I mean, it was so loud.
I kept thinking, I wish he would get off already. I smirked. Then I opened my eyes, and I looked up at one client who was giggling, and I just lost my shit. Then all 20 people started cracking up, and the guy was still breathing and breathing like a horse, absolutely oblivious to the class that was supposed to be going on.
THEN, when everyone was sitting up, I looked over, and the guy was leaving the room, and I saw that the back of his shirt, in big, tattoo-style letters, no lie, read this: “Buttface.” I started laughing again and told everyone what it said, and they started laughing again. Then I said “Namaste.” That’s how I ended the class.
If I would’ve thought quicker, during the relaxation, I would’ve gone up to the dude and said, “Hey, Buttface, can you keep it down? I have a class going on here.” But alas, I wasn’t quick enough. Next time, next time.
…then, later, I was on my way to meet and interview the band, Shiny and the Spoon, when I looked out my car window and saw a man wearing a wolf. I am not joking – it was a dead wolf, the whole damn thing. The wolf head was intact, sitting on top of the man’s head, and the body and legs hung down the man’s back, swinging while he walked. It was the most disgusting thing, and I was like, Dude, where the fuck are the animal rights activists on this one? Wolf man, for real. Is that even legal, ‘cause it was so unpolitically correct it was amusing. I have never seen anything like it, not in this century.
I told Shiny and the Spoon about the wolf man and the legs swinging all disgustingly, and they got a kick out of it, but we were all like, what the hell. Tomorrow, I’m expecting to see someone in a white tiger suit, blood and guts and all. Where is PETA when we need them? I was dumbfounded.
Anyway, heavily breathing buttfaces and wolf men from outta nowhere make for a bizarre week. I’m off to go breathe heavily on someone, then kill a deer with my bare hands and wear it as a parka, hooves and cute little nose and all.
C.A. MacConnell
Right at that moment, when everyone had their eyes closed, this guy came barreling into the room with his headphones on, and he decided to lift some weights. Since he had those headphones on, he didn’t know he was breathing so loud that it sounded like he was having some rough sex for a long, long time. We could all hear it. I mean, it was so loud.
I kept thinking, I wish he would get off already. I smirked. Then I opened my eyes, and I looked up at one client who was giggling, and I just lost my shit. Then all 20 people started cracking up, and the guy was still breathing and breathing like a horse, absolutely oblivious to the class that was supposed to be going on.
THEN, when everyone was sitting up, I looked over, and the guy was leaving the room, and I saw that the back of his shirt, in big, tattoo-style letters, no lie, read this: “Buttface.” I started laughing again and told everyone what it said, and they started laughing again. Then I said “Namaste.” That’s how I ended the class.
If I would’ve thought quicker, during the relaxation, I would’ve gone up to the dude and said, “Hey, Buttface, can you keep it down? I have a class going on here.” But alas, I wasn’t quick enough. Next time, next time.
…then, later, I was on my way to meet and interview the band, Shiny and the Spoon, when I looked out my car window and saw a man wearing a wolf. I am not joking – it was a dead wolf, the whole damn thing. The wolf head was intact, sitting on top of the man’s head, and the body and legs hung down the man’s back, swinging while he walked. It was the most disgusting thing, and I was like, Dude, where the fuck are the animal rights activists on this one? Wolf man, for real. Is that even legal, ‘cause it was so unpolitically correct it was amusing. I have never seen anything like it, not in this century.
I told Shiny and the Spoon about the wolf man and the legs swinging all disgustingly, and they got a kick out of it, but we were all like, what the hell. Tomorrow, I’m expecting to see someone in a white tiger suit, blood and guts and all. Where is PETA when we need them? I was dumbfounded.
Anyway, heavily breathing buttfaces and wolf men from outta nowhere make for a bizarre week. I’m off to go breathe heavily on someone, then kill a deer with my bare hands and wear it as a parka, hooves and cute little nose and all.
C.A. MacConnell
8/06/2022
F'n Rad Follower: Marvin
Some years back, on a day when the sun made street change shine, I was in a long car wash line, so I kicked back until I felt a slight nose itch. I reached up to scratch it and take care of the problem right then and there. I thought it would be a quick gesture, an easy fix. Well, when I scratched, I also discovered that there was a rather large piece of snot hanging out of one side of my nose. I looked in the rear-view mirror, checking out the damage. Oh yeah, that wormy goo was visible for the world to see. Yes, I made the reach for it, and I admit I had to dig a little. Finally, after several minutes, I became a success story. All good. So I thought...
Smiling, proud of my victory, when I came to and looked back around at the scenery, I realized two things:
1. The car wash line had moved quite a bit while I was busy doing my business, and I needed to rock and roll forward before someone rear-ended my ass.
AND
2. While I was digging in my nose, my car was sitting right next to a part of the building where there was a large window. The thing was there so that all of the customers could look out at the cars. Like mine.
When I looked at the window, squinting through the smudges and fingerprints, I saw a mysterious man waving at me. A huge hand. A sweeping wave. Then I studied the face. Glasses, big smile, tall, black hair, bright and handsome. At one time, he and his wife were my yoga students, and they were family friends. We'll call him Marvin. In class, he cracked everyone up, because he never really liked yoga; he just did it because his knee was bothering him, and he couldn't ride his bike.
Turning pink, I waved back, gripping my steering wheel. I thought, How long has he been standing there? Did he see me pick that shit out of my nose? I shuffled, no, I scooted to pay while my car went through the whole vacuum/wash deal. I hoped that Marvin wasn't still there when my car's turn came up.
But he was there all right. Good old Marvin stared me right down. He started waving at me again.
Cautiously, I approached the outside waiting area.
And there was Marvin, right next to me, smiling wide. Perhaps chuckling a little.
I decided to assume the best. But it was the "not knowing" that was killing me. I thought, Should I bring it up? I examined his every move.
He twitched his brows some. He shifted his weight from one leg to the other. He smiled a lot. But Marvin always smiled a lot.
I couldn't figure it out. Did he see? It was maddening. I was getting worn out.
Right before Marvin turned to leave, he looked back at me and gave me this flash of teeth. A big, sparkling flash, like one of those Orbit gum commercials.
I had my answer. I knew he saw. I knew it.
Without another word, he hopped in his car and drove away.
...sometime later
I was teaching at a new facility and right during the middle of class, I sneaked out to run to the bathroom. I'd had numerous Mountain Dews that day, so it was more of a painful dance-run. A ridiculous jog of sorts. You get the drift. Well, on my way out of that bathroom, I saw a mysterious man. The huge hand. The sweeping wave. Then I studied the face. Glasses, big smile, tall, black hair, bright and handsome. There he was again. Marvin. Fresh from knee surgery, he was still wearing a brace, doing some arm exercises. Or did he follow me? Was his goal in life to always be there when I was doing something sneaky or stupid? I really wasn't sure. Was he some kind of "catch you in the act" policeman?
How much did he see? I studied his every move. It was maddening. Right before I went back into the yoga room, I looked back at Marvin, my follower, who gave me this flash of teeth. A big, sparkling flash, like his mouth was full of firecrackers. He chuckled.
I knew he saw. I knew it.
...three years later
Just a few weeks ago, I was up north, on a bike trail, in the middle of a benefit walk. There were a few turnarounds, but I wasn't paying attention, and I kept going and going, because I was talking to my sister on the phone, and I got distracted. So, on the way back, I was like, Man, I'm tired. I thought I'd power-walked like four miles, but later I realized that I was about 8 miles in at that point, and I still wasn't back. Anyway, it was about 90 degrees out, 90% humidity, and I was sweating through my sweating and basically wearing sweat, so much so that it was even impossible to read the non-profit message on my t-shirt, which was the whole point of the walk. Of course I was alone, and I had no water, no food, but I was still trooping along, swinging my arms like a champ. Even if I were dying, I'd probably try to keep on walking, I am so stubborn. I'm sure I looked like a ridiculous Iron Woman gone wrong and when I looked up, I saw two bicycles coming at me from the other direction. (Keep in mind that I had never been to this bike path before).
And then I saw a mysterious man waving at me. The huge hand. A sweeping wave. Then I looked up at the face. Glasses, big smile, tall, black hair, bright and handsome. There he was. Catching me when I was down again, waving and waving, riding that bike down the path with an easy breeze, equipped with a buddy, a bunch of snacks, and a full set of water bottles on his belt, yep, there he was -- Marvin.
Shaking my sweaty head, I waved back.
And then, taking a swig of his little energy drink, knee all healed, doing what he loved to do, Marvin easily swooshed on by.
Moral of the story: When life puts up roadblocks, be a Marvin. Also, always bring snacks.
C.A. MacConnell
Smiling, proud of my victory, when I came to and looked back around at the scenery, I realized two things:
1. The car wash line had moved quite a bit while I was busy doing my business, and I needed to rock and roll forward before someone rear-ended my ass.
AND
2. While I was digging in my nose, my car was sitting right next to a part of the building where there was a large window. The thing was there so that all of the customers could look out at the cars. Like mine.
When I looked at the window, squinting through the smudges and fingerprints, I saw a mysterious man waving at me. A huge hand. A sweeping wave. Then I studied the face. Glasses, big smile, tall, black hair, bright and handsome. At one time, he and his wife were my yoga students, and they were family friends. We'll call him Marvin. In class, he cracked everyone up, because he never really liked yoga; he just did it because his knee was bothering him, and he couldn't ride his bike.
Turning pink, I waved back, gripping my steering wheel. I thought, How long has he been standing there? Did he see me pick that shit out of my nose? I shuffled, no, I scooted to pay while my car went through the whole vacuum/wash deal. I hoped that Marvin wasn't still there when my car's turn came up.
But he was there all right. Good old Marvin stared me right down. He started waving at me again.
Cautiously, I approached the outside waiting area.
And there was Marvin, right next to me, smiling wide. Perhaps chuckling a little.
I decided to assume the best. But it was the "not knowing" that was killing me. I thought, Should I bring it up? I examined his every move.
He twitched his brows some. He shifted his weight from one leg to the other. He smiled a lot. But Marvin always smiled a lot.
I couldn't figure it out. Did he see? It was maddening. I was getting worn out.
Right before Marvin turned to leave, he looked back at me and gave me this flash of teeth. A big, sparkling flash, like one of those Orbit gum commercials.
I had my answer. I knew he saw. I knew it.
Without another word, he hopped in his car and drove away.
...sometime later
I was teaching at a new facility and right during the middle of class, I sneaked out to run to the bathroom. I'd had numerous Mountain Dews that day, so it was more of a painful dance-run. A ridiculous jog of sorts. You get the drift. Well, on my way out of that bathroom, I saw a mysterious man. The huge hand. The sweeping wave. Then I studied the face. Glasses, big smile, tall, black hair, bright and handsome. There he was again. Marvin. Fresh from knee surgery, he was still wearing a brace, doing some arm exercises. Or did he follow me? Was his goal in life to always be there when I was doing something sneaky or stupid? I really wasn't sure. Was he some kind of "catch you in the act" policeman?
How much did he see? I studied his every move. It was maddening. Right before I went back into the yoga room, I looked back at Marvin, my follower, who gave me this flash of teeth. A big, sparkling flash, like his mouth was full of firecrackers. He chuckled.
I knew he saw. I knew it.
...three years later
Just a few weeks ago, I was up north, on a bike trail, in the middle of a benefit walk. There were a few turnarounds, but I wasn't paying attention, and I kept going and going, because I was talking to my sister on the phone, and I got distracted. So, on the way back, I was like, Man, I'm tired. I thought I'd power-walked like four miles, but later I realized that I was about 8 miles in at that point, and I still wasn't back. Anyway, it was about 90 degrees out, 90% humidity, and I was sweating through my sweating and basically wearing sweat, so much so that it was even impossible to read the non-profit message on my t-shirt, which was the whole point of the walk. Of course I was alone, and I had no water, no food, but I was still trooping along, swinging my arms like a champ. Even if I were dying, I'd probably try to keep on walking, I am so stubborn. I'm sure I looked like a ridiculous Iron Woman gone wrong and when I looked up, I saw two bicycles coming at me from the other direction. (Keep in mind that I had never been to this bike path before).
And then I saw a mysterious man waving at me. The huge hand. A sweeping wave. Then I looked up at the face. Glasses, big smile, tall, black hair, bright and handsome. There he was. Catching me when I was down again, waving and waving, riding that bike down the path with an easy breeze, equipped with a buddy, a bunch of snacks, and a full set of water bottles on his belt, yep, there he was -- Marvin.
Shaking my sweaty head, I waved back.
And then, taking a swig of his little energy drink, knee all healed, doing what he loved to do, Marvin easily swooshed on by.
Moral of the story: When life puts up roadblocks, be a Marvin. Also, always bring snacks.
C.A. MacConnell
8/04/2022
8/03/2022
8/02/2022
8/01/2022
Prayer Request
Last night, I got kidnapped.
I was trapped
inside a hot
sanctuary.
I was shifty
in the church pew –
a cramped place
I have never called home.
Last night, I got lucky.
I discovered
a blank stack
of prayer request paper.
Three by five,
I drew you wearing suns.
I’ve never seen you like this,
but that's the way I always
picture you.
I drew me next to you.
I was reaching
for your middle.
I drew a taller me –
wild-haired,
stick hands nearly touching
the place where your belt
should be.
My fingers got lost
between your loops.
I've never seen me like this,
but the pencil made me
a lead-grey, dipping,
V-necked dress.
Your mouth
was a line.
My mouth
was a circle.
C.A. MacConnell
I was trapped
inside a hot
sanctuary.
I was shifty
in the church pew –
a cramped place
I have never called home.
Last night, I got lucky.
I discovered
a blank stack
of prayer request paper.
Three by five,
I drew you wearing suns.
I’ve never seen you like this,
but that's the way I always
picture you.
I drew me next to you.
I was reaching
for your middle.
I drew a taller me –
wild-haired,
stick hands nearly touching
the place where your belt
should be.
My fingers got lost
between your loops.
I've never seen me like this,
but the pencil made me
a lead-grey, dipping,
V-necked dress.
Your mouth
was a line.
My mouth
was a circle.
C.A. MacConnell