The Struggle, the Bigger Plan
One friend's mother had a stroke. Another friend is back in the hospital after recovering from a heart attack. Yet another girl's fiance just passed away from an overdose. Yesterday, as I was listening to others' stories, I started to think about the trials we all face, and it really put my life into perspective.
I teared up a little.
Through hearing others speak, I was reminded of the way our pains cement us together, how we create hope for one another, and how the spirit inside of all of us creeps out when we need it the most.
Let me back up. Some years ago, when I rode horses professionally, much of the time, I was focused on my riding -- getting better, achieving, helping my students rise up, and the like. But after many years in the business, when my boss retired, and I later lost my job due to illness, the real truth began to unfold. I never missed the horse shows at all. Becoming a winner was no longer important. Instead, I greatly missed my boss, my mentor and friend. I missed his deep, rumbling laugh. And I missed all of my students, especially the girl who couldn't remember her course when her ADD flared up. And I missed the times when I would watch the horses run in the fields. Free. When it was all gone, I didn't miss the trainer status or achievements. Rather, I missed the connections, the spirits, and the many forms of love hidden within the barn walls.
Loss, tumultuous times, heartache -- these things showed me what was really important in life.
And these life changes continue to wake me up right here, right now.
For the past few months, I've been focused on finding a steady income. There have been many, many continuous setbacks -- one after another it seems. But after I heard my friends talking, I realized that the job status wasn't nearly as important as my family's love, my sobriety, and the number of lessons I've processed over this time period, all the while maintaining my integrity and strength. I'm here, I have food and a safe place to live. It's rocky, but so what. I'm worried about my vision, but I may just need glasses. I'm...all...right. Loss happens, but things change. They always do. Always. Before I know it, I'll look back on this time as a necessary part of my journey.
Before I know it, I'll be sitting on the couch, laughing at the stress.
And who knows -- maybe someone will be laughing with me.
Yesterday, when I was walking against the wind (really struggling, it was powerful), a beautiful hawk flew right in front of my path. If it weren't for the wind holding me back, I never would've seen this magnificent creature.
Sometimes the struggle is there to help us navigate the bigger plan.
This morning, my heart goes out to you, especially if your struggle is fierce; it seems these days that many are having hard times. I hope that through my words, I can provide a little hope for you, in the way that people have done for me so many times before.
I have a friend, J., who is blind. When I see him, it never fails; he's always cracking jokes -- making sarcastic remarks about himself and others. I've never seen him without a smirk, and he always delivers quick one-liners. He never feels sorry for himself; he just carries on about his day, keeping it all rather cheerful and unique. The light inside of him touches me every time, reminding me that we can all play a part in the world's hope.
I will try to see the divine spirit inside others today. God, higher power, Buddha, hawks, whatever you call that "something greater" out there, let it be known that it is there for you and me -- within the trees, the planets, and the people all around -- as long as we look.
C.A. MacConnell
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