Good evening. I came upon a crossroads. An opportunity popped up that had to do with my former life. I wrestled with the decision...talked with others, made the lists, and on and on, like people do. But here's what I've noticed about myself: my first gut reaction was no. And eventually, my final decision was no. It didn't change. It usually doesn't change for me. Why I spend so much time rolling it around, when I can trust my heart and my gut in the first place, I'm not sure.
I guess I'm a human being trying to navigate this planet like everyone else.
I suppose it gets tricky when I think about, Hey, should I go against my gut? Is my gut wrong? Should I change and make a leap that's against everything I feel? Sometimes, I definitely think this can be a good idea in order to grow. In the recent past, I've done this a lot regarding relationships. In this situation, it didn't feel applicable at the time, considering all of the factors.
Maybe I'm wrong, who knows. Today I find myself second-guessing my decision, beating myself up, and the like. I usually do that as well. I suppose I'll allow myself some time to process. It's OK. I'm frustrated, but I guess I can see it as an opportunity to narrow down what it is I really want to do. This particular situation wasn't it, obviously.
See, I want to do what makes my heart sing. And I can feel that when it happens, for sure. :) XO.
Until then, I guess I'll drive around and do deliveries and sing songs and dance in the aisles and write to you. Hey, wait a minute...I'm already doing what makes my heart sing. Who cares what people think of my "title." If I come across something else that gels with this notion, I'm all in.
Gratitude for recognizing this fact tonight. Always healing. Perhaps you are too. Maybe you're already doing what makes your heart sing, and you don't even realize it. Maybe we're in this together.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
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