Tongue.

 

Good morning. <3

C.A. MacConnell

End of Saturday.

 

Indeed.
C.A. MacConnell

End of Friday.

 

Just took this. 

C.A. MacConnell

Photo

 

Things have been hard and quite deep lately, but I'm learning how to better love and be loved, and there are striking moments of awakening, which are pretty powerful, I must say. Best I can describe it at the moment.

I have a feeling I'll be able to write about all of this down the road, but for now, it's all still settling in. :) 

Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Caution

There's a little story behind these, but I think I may actually use it for a story. Kinda gives a spooky vibe, but I dig them...there were more in this series, but I can't seem to find them. Anyway, I came across them and found them interesting. :)

C.A. MacConnell

Running Man

 

Obviously from winter, but just always liked this one. Hope you like it too. 

C.A. MacConnell

Lois at the Gym

She imagines the noontime
screw,
the museum trip,
the first fight
that no one wins,
and she envisions
the close night after --
Hello again -- followed by
tossings,
achings,
lickings,
and wrappings;
neck to neck,
indeed, they become
that corner couple,
the same-siders,
and all watchers
love to hate them
because "their song”
is any tune
that blends into noise,
the way that laughter
becomes loud enough,
fading into any
crowded room.

C.A. MacConnell

Photo

 

<3
C.A. MacConnell

Niagara

 

I've always loved this one. Film. :) <3
C.A. MacConnell

Rural Stage.

 

Film shot.

C.A. MacConnell

Sky Galley

 

My Mimi and I used to meet here for lunch. Not open anymore, but it was around for 90 years, I believe. It was so much fun, and the food wasn't great, but I never cared at all, because I loved it there. Mimi never cared much about "high class" food either. She also never cared much about clothes, decorating, or the like, which was interesting, considering that she was well off. She did always have a smokin' car, though, and she did care about her Cadillacs...even in old age, she drove like a speedracer; it was hilarious. She also was a devout Catholic, and throughout the course of her life, she had very few health problems. Before she met grandpa, she had considered becoming a nun. Interesting. But she lived her faith, and she was so well-read and ahead of her time. She wasn't warm and fuzzy. Rather, she commanded an air of respect. She knew every detail about every subject, the topics ranging from sports to politics to rap. She was never on the show, but when she watched Jeopardy, she knew every answer; no one could have ever beat her. She had a photographic memory that lasted into her nineties. Amazing.

I learned so much from her. In many ways, I'm a lot like her. I don't think I'm warm and fuzzy either, although I'm softer than she was I believe. I don't have a photographic memory, but I have a good memory for dialogue -- words mostly, more than I'd like to remember sometimes, ha. I also remember details well, such as minute features, or what shoes or sweater a person was wearing at a particular time, but I sometimes become lost in the details and forget names and other things. I'm not Catholic, but I keep trying at faith. I don't care much about fashion, decorating, food, or "stuff" in general, just like her. And like her, I do love cars, ha.

My thought upon waking:  seems to me, in various ways, we're all running around this world, saying various things, taking strange actions, but in the end, we're all simply looking for love. 

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

High Rise

Remember, writing can be tricky....in poetry and fiction, that is. The "I" isn't the author...although people always assume so...the "I" is a voice ;) Unless it's an autobiography, of course. People assumed that was the case with my first book...that the narrator was me. Although there were many elements of my history in it (we write what we know or study), it was still a character, and she acted and reacted as her character, not as me...my writing is better when I can remain in the backseat, I feel....which is often why I do male characters, to take a step back. Makes it richer.

High Rise

In pictures, showing teeth, one couple
Drives west. Another,

The mountains or the zoo.

Look there --

In the quiet
Morning, some man touches some woman’s neck,
And she shudders,

Taking it,
Feeling it,
Liking it.
It works its way

Down.

You can see the vein.

I'm a small, bare shadow in the back-
Ground.

I don't wanna be naked
Anymore, but I'm a fucking butterfly.

Hand me the smoothest
Criminal,
And I’ll show you my book, my tongue,
My wing beat, my latest

Hummingbird.

I admit there's a hole

In my net. Some say I may lose it and
Talk trash.

Never.

But the heightened fear of garbage
Lives in their eyes.
Others want me
Simply for the record. I could throw it all

Out.

I could find a suit and a high rise. Dear
Family, I’m not

Sick.

You are.

Grief is a thick, young thief,
A chest mugger. It comes with living,
A bitch of a trip.

I'm guessing you hear me.

Now give me a cookie
And an instrument.

C.A. MacConnell

Mansion

Randomly chosen, just for the feel. Haven't really edited this one since I wrote it, which is rare for me. Hope you like the piece. C.A. 

Mansion

We broke in.
It was all
about the weather.
Seven times,
the scattered sky
spoke through
heat lightning,
and new clouds
coughed above us,
mostly hanging
in patchy rows.
Behind us, the stone
mansion. Someday,
I'll put up an offer.
We swam close
in the strange,
perfect pool;
we were the ice
on the dog day.
Let’s get dressed.
Rain’s comin’.
On the deck,
you checked
my muscle.

C.A. MacConnell

Cleveland

 

All film shots. :)

C.A. MacConnell

Train

 

C.A. MacConnell

Red

 

Good morning.

C.A. MacConnell

Tires.

 

I love this one. I took it yesterday.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Pretty

 

Took this yesterday after work. I kinda dig it for some reason. I've been writing, but I'm keeping it to myself. At the moment, it's too raw for the net. Working on sending some stuff out too...need more time to focus on that, but it'll roll out how it should I suppose.

But I will share a little snippet:  "Today, this is what I look like. Some comment and don't like it I guess. Others tell me I’m pretty sometimes. I don’t feel anything at all when they say it, because I have no idea what good “pretty” is. “Pretty” has never saved a life. “Pretty” has never saved my life. I don’t give a fuck about pretty. Now, I want to bury myself with someone in the ugly. Because behind all of that is what’s real. Let’s be ugly together and tear each other and this world apart. Let’s rejoice in it."

C.A. MacConnell

Photo of the Day.

 

Rad. :) <3
C.A. MacConnell

Morning Thoughts

Sometimes I get tired of "growing." I've spent so much time looking at myself, going to therapy, going to 12-step meetings, doing the deal. Of course, life leads to new growth whether I like it or not, it seems...but there's a time to sit back and just be OK with who I am, to not worry, to fuck up and keep going on, to laugh and play.

Where's the course in that? :) There is no "course." It just is what it is, in the moment, and that's when I'm at my best, I believe.

Seems to me that many people, as we get older, need help with remembering to be children, rather than help pressing forward.

Thought for today:  "What brings me back to the moment? What brings me real joy? What brings me...and those around me...back to the essence of wonder?" I'm going to focus on these notions today, rather than "working on myself." When my perspective shifts in this way, I become the "lighter me," and ironically, in turn, someone greater.

Love,

C.A. MacConnell

Photo

 

C.A. MacConnell

Black and White Day, Part 2

 
Stormy Day

Lost in Park

Heart of It

Snow Day

Under Pine

Ice

Gap

Fierce

Seven A.M.

Breakthroughs

Here are some other simple shots that give off an interesting feel. Kinda tells a story. I suppose I'm more drawn to the ones that give a subtle feel. Noticing I'm developing a certain niche/style. Fun. :)

Hope you like the series. Love,
C.A. MacConnell

Black and White Day

 
December Meadow

Bird House

April 1

Bend

Day with You

Air

Just some simple b/w shots I've taken. I just was enjoying the feel, looking at them. Hope you have a good day. I have a gazillion photos. It'd be fun to have a show and a party sometime. And dance. :) I frequently "dance" in my car...probably more than I should. Sometimes I sing and dance in grocery aisles too. Ha.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Photo

 

Now I'm tending to like different kinds of shots...ones that in the past I would have labeled "messups," ha. Now, I think they're kinda cool. Who knows. Just saying hello. Hope your day went well. It's a scorcher here! <3

Here's another:

C.A. MacConnell

Jungle Gym

 

C.A. MacConnell

From the Groundhog

a poem from the P.O.V. of the groundhog

From the Groundhog

to tell you the truth today is so much fun yeah I am making my way
across the graveyard
funny bones everywhere all in the way under the grass here
when I dig my way up and have a surprise
a living two-legger comes and makes noises like birds 
she makes no sense like birds
I think you call her a girl
she goes by so fast-like and scary
and her face looks wet
so I am laughing and whistling at her because its not even raining
and she isnt swimming or anything
so why shes wet and moving around
I have no idea
doesnt look like shes digging anything
I mean it is hot
but everyone smart knows thats what fur is for
to soak it all up
don't know why she doesnt have fur or even feathers
it is so weird and hilarious 
im so glad im not a squirrel
and I am showing all four of my white teeth because she calls me
a little guy
and I for one know that Im one of the larger of the group
Im almost 13 pounds
Joking to tell you the truth I am 14 
which is kind of embarrassing
I should only be 12 pounds
I know
hahaha
but no one cares at all
they burrow all around and pay no attention anyhow
I am 4 years old so I might die whenever and I dont mind
but theres one thing I do get mad about
dont go calling me a woodchuck because thats not nice at all
thats why I cant stand the fish
hey I would stay to listen to the girl with the wet face
but I am busy climbing and I have to practice and to tell you the truth
I like to be by myself all the time
the trees understand me too
they tell me when the leaves move
yeah I like to be alone except for mating time
because its so ridiculous
we all crack up and roll around
and I guess we have to meet up other days
because we are building another tunnel
hey its annoying sometimes you gotta be with the others
whether you like it or not
to make a plan and hide because last year a coyote
took my uncle
and dont even get me started on that skinny wolf
he shouldnt even be around here
but I guess his family kicked him out
maybe I should tell the two-legger
that he needs someone like the fish
and she looks like she needs a friend with fur
because she cracks me up like she is
running around mostly naked except for some loose red and black skins 
hanging off her middle looks like it might all fall off in a storm
to tell you the truth
yeah two leggers would be much better off
if they had something to soak up the wet
yeah I have to whistle again
to tell her how big I am
she makes no sense at all like birds
wish me luck funny bones all over under the grass here

-- C.A. MacConnell

Photo: Columbus

 

Sometimes, when we are a shining light of vulnerability, when we are truly real, our authentic selves, people have no idea how to react. I've noticed they usually do one of three things:  they steer clear, or they shoot off a comment defending their (usually opposite and somewhat rote) position, or...they draw in close and want to know all about you.

I suppose I want to know and cherish those people who hover close. :) <3 That's my new troupe...I'll just be me and see how they roll in...or out...as the case may be. I am tired, and I am overwhelmed, and I'm in pain, and I've had a lot of tears, and my life direction is uncertain in various ways, but I'm also blown away by the newness/strangeness of everything at the moment...but every time I pray, I hear this:  wait. So, I am doing what I can and waiting on the universe to guide me some more...trying hard not to be afraid of the void. 

I'll just let the newness roll in as it should. Best I can describe it tonight.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Sound.

 

C.A. MacConnell <3

Photo.

 

I have this as my desktop background right now. :) <3 The answer to my question yesterday:  the photo of the shark was actually an angled shot of a telephone pole turned sideways. :)

C.A. MacConnell

Shark

 

:) I met a shark on my walk today...well, I thought so. Guess what this really is? Pretty cool.

C.A. MacConnell

Photos.

 

Rings

Man in Tree

C.A. MacConnell

Audience

 

Yesterday, I saw two bunnies right here. I talked to one and took his pic, and he even stayed still until I stopped talking. Day before, a heron flew up and over my car...so close, it was amazing. I couldn't believe it. Also saw a groundhog again. I think it was the same one I saw a few weeks ago...he's so cute! I love that guy...makes me chuckle every time I see him, the way he wobbles, and he always looks so happy, ha.

Have a good day,

C.A. MacConnell