There you are, in the crowd,
wearing a red T-shirt. In a mess
of cross-style sitting strangers,
you are the only one standing tall,
your long arms hanging loose,
your hands making slight fists.
Around you, a foot of yellow,
glowing space graces each side
of your form. And this is the air
that always surrounds your shape.
You are smiling wide, your dark hair
barely reaching your shoulders.
Freshly shaven, your pale cheeks
spotlight-shine. And you are looking
up. This time, you move. This time,
you hold up your hand, furiously
waving. But even then, you forget
to blink. And from the stage, struck
by the stare, in the middle of two
difficult words, I stop speaking.
Like always, my breath turns
guttural, a seemingly solid pant,
a trapped, warm, familiar ache,
a sky-stuck moon sliver of light
caught in a crevice
deep inside my left
breast.
C.A. MacConnell
Good morning. I just felt like posting something sweet and loving today. I've been learning a lot about myself...for sure. As I've written, Everything and everyone around me are a reflection of who I am. Learning my own lesson, so to speak, ha.
Sometimes, with writing, it works that way.
I suppose there's a balance. Sure, I want to change and grow. But I also want to celebrate the essence of who I am. Because who we are is unique and awesome! And so, I don't have to constantly strive to be someone else or "be better." Rather, life presents me with situations, and I can choose my perspective; I can choose to learn or whatnot. Or do nothing. And it is tricky to navigate the balance sometimes.
I hope you and I can celebrate the awesomeness that makes up who we are today. Right here, right now. I suppose, above all, I just want to feel safe and loved, like everyone else. We all just have different ways of seeking it. <3
I'm fifty-one now, ha. Sometimes, I look in the mirror, and I'm surprised, because on the inside I still feel like a fourteen-year-old quite often, which isn't always necessarily a bad thing. Also, I'm learning how to develop more friendships, which is cool. And I'm learning how to continue friendships and such. I fly single, and I have since 2013, which is a long time. I haven't seen my match. If I did, my heart would know. <3 I look at others and wonder sometimes, but I don't obsess. I just continue to write and move forward. Sometimes, I wonder about my place in this spider web, but I'm better when I'm moving and staying in the moment.
Life isn't wrapped in a neat little box, for sure, ha. I mess up, I regroup, I try again. For an introvert and artist like me, navigating relationships is tricky. I suppose it's tricky for all. :) I'm not unique here. But, as I heard someone say last night, as the old cliche goes, "Just try to do the next right thing." Slow it down. Keep it simple.
But I do know that I can try and be authentic and help some folks today. Because...if one wants to feel loved, one has to give love. I find myself getting lost in seeking positivity and reassurance from the outside, but it's inside. I sort of remember and forget, remember and forget.
So, give. That's the focus today. Also, breathe, relax. Slow it down. Float through the day. "Fight or flight" is not working for my body at all. Stress can do a number on one physically.
And a wise writer once said, "I think I'll do what I can and have a cookie." That was me. I wrote that. Ha.
And at the moment, it just feels good to write.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW!
P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email: right here.
