This morning, I feel fear in my heart, which is a familiar feeling in the morning for me. Sometimes throughout the day. Yesterday, it was really bad. I had to take a lot of action to get through the day. Today, it's lingering from yesterday. Sometimes, I'll grab on to something specific that snowballs. Other times, the fear feels as if it's encompassing anything and everything.
I don't think I'm unique. I'm just sharing my experience. I dunno, I may deal with it more than others right now. I may feel afraid more than some others in general. And some people surely have more fear than me. I have no idea. All I know is that this is my story right here, right now. And it really has nothing specific to do with politics, as you may assume, although that doesn't help.
In reality, it has to do with what's changing inside of me, and the fear of going forward. Some days, I'm free of it, and that's amazing. I've worked hard to experience this phenomenon, ha, this lightness and freedom. Hell yeah.
Outside people, places, things, events, and distractions can help, but the power is always on the inside. No one can "make" me feel a different way. It all happens inside. Everything and everyone around me are merely a reflection.
Wishing it away doesn't help. Reassurance doesn't help. What does? Allowing myself to just be afraid, to have it be OK. Talking with folks who don't try to fix me. They just listen and give me the gift of feeling. Sometimes, it helps when folks listen and then assist me in taking a direct action that is necessary. Music and writing can be helpful too but oftentimes, a distraction, or an ear and a hug are what's best. Or, simply, a series of phone calls. Just reaching out to the right people. That's key.
But that's just me. People process things in different ways.
And would you look at that...I just wrote it all out to you.
Thank you for reading and allowing me to feel. You are a part of this. Now I can get ready for the day.
And perhaps, if you are reading, and you can relate, maybe I have allowed you to freely feel as well. And maybe I've given you "an ear and a hug" too.
We're here for each other. There's nothing complicated about this life for me anymore. It's about love. Loving myself, loving others. Trying to help, being present for each other. Here we are.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell C. 2025
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