In the Sky

 

For this site only. Thank you for supporting my site. Check out the sky today. I'm writing a new song. I'm excited about it. It'll be beautiful, soft, sweet. :) I'm just having fun creating in the moment, in various ways. Have a good day everyone.
C.A. MacConnell

Made in USA.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Climber

:) XO.
C.A. MacConnell

Self.

 

Got my face painted by a girl from the circus. Had fun talking w/ her today. Hope you're having a beautiful day. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Corn.

 

Good morning. Hope you have a beautiful day. Beauty in the small stuff. :)

Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Haha I made it flourescent corn. I just thought it was funny...but I'm weird. And also, DEEP. This corn fucker is gonna go for 500,000 one day, signed. I'm predicting it now. So lift your copy while you get the chance. I see/hear they're already enjoying my train track/question mark photo in China for free.

On a serious note, folks, please respect the artist. I'm working on a way to share my photography with you to purchase. All photos/writing property of C.A. MacConnell 🅒 2024. Thanks! And word of mouth is my friend. Pass it on.

From the Sun

The other day, burning up in my car, I decided to play around with the sun and voice. Writing about the sun is absolutely overdone. I thought, 'How can I change it up?' And so, I decided to write from the POV of the sun and make the sun somewhat evil, haha. I like to break the rules and surprise people. I also like to write dark prose sometimes...some prefer not to, but I enjoy it. Kind of a guilty pleasure of mine. Here's what came out. Love to you, C.A.

From the Sun

Hell. I would like to stay
Out.
The Vapors can be tricky; sometimes
I let them drift,
Roll close, cover me, and
Bury my fire. Sometimes I let them
Win,
Because smothering times
Ensure their belief -- I am nothing but a
Poor, sick, sputtering, volcanic,
Bloodshot eye.
Momentarily, caught off
Guard, they shift, weakened by wind.
Often, I’d say some are quite
Emaciated.
Today, just for the record,
Here and there, I’m grin-hiding, shadowed,
Spitting out something pale,
But I always chuckle, cough, and return,
Circling east, spiraling west,
Choking on the hilarious glow.
Deep down inside, everyone up here is
Caught up, whispering in
Luminous quakes.
They all know the rules. My sole
Vocation is to laugh and
Burn. And who doesn’t like to
Crack into pieces
At the boiling, blistering sting
Of a perfect, secret scam.
Cattle, trucks, trains, and smokestacks --
Thank you
For making this easier.
Slowly, I’ve been stealing spring,
Winter, and the fall.
Down there, pretty people
And scientists keep digging,
But they’ll never catch
Up.
I admit that I’m nervous about hats,
Strange, humming cars,
Lettuce, and lotion. But my plan is ahead
Of any moon’s curve.
I’ll be cackling and crowing, half-
Blinding humans
Every single day
Until September.
Then comes a swift, harsh,
Shocking storm,
One
Without a name.
And finally, I’ll give it all up –
Scorching skin, boiling land,
All of my magnetic
Solitude. And only then, secretly, suddenly,
Hungrily, I’ll slip out
From the shade, like a stray cat,
And we will be together,
When the reckless, handsome, subzero
Sea
Swallows me black and
Whole.

C.A. MacConnell

Man, just a sidenote...this would make a cool song...with a little revision!

Hawk.

 

I have several hawk shots. But more importantly, I've had many incredible hawk experiences, and those that are the most special...they're in my heart, not on my camera. This morning, I'm reminded that working on yourself, working on goals and dreams, and trying to learn...all of these things are important, but the most powerful thing I can do is give myself and someone else love. 

Maybe I'll see you out and about. Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. I always get annoyed...but one thing that's good about being stuck with old phones and old computers...over time, I've had to fix them again and again, and it has forced me to learn about it. I can fix some pretty complicated things now. Ha. Remember to trust yourself, trust your heart, and believe in the miracle. That's God's voice this morn. C.A.

Our Side.

Amazing. That's what it is. The beautiful pattern of things. But I won't gush about it in writing just yet; it all needs to settle.

In the meantime, I focus on images, photos, and movement; that is, I try to stay in the moment and feel whatever whenever, just rolling with it. So freeing. A person shouldn't need permission to feel, but I suppose I needed that. Movement has been key on this part of my journey, which has been wild, and I'm a person who loves the wild. Also wild -- I have several dreams churning...two books, each unique, but both full of hope and love. Right now, I'm doing research, which includes all of the above, as well as a great deal of reading and listening. Fun to have these sparks. I've always got something rolling around in my brain. Vision, aye. 

Sometimes, people wonder why I've been running around solo for nearly 12 years...something like that...I've lost track, ha. Just kinda happened that way. But I've had a dream I've held close to my heart. And so, I've been undoing a lot of my history. I had to relive it. I'm still learning about it, but I'm letting go of a suitcase of pain. In every aspect, when I look back, God's been helping me every step of the way.

I believe that God sees and honors my dreams.

And you are a part of this. And I wish upon you the freedom to see and honor your own dreams.

Timing. Things happen how they should, I suppose, even though I get frustrated sometimes, because I'm human. But it's a miracle, the way life unfolds.

Sending you light and love, always, C.A. MacConnell

Stay the Course.

 

There's something awesome about this to me. Hope you like it. Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Volcano

Good morning! Kind of laughing at my transparent posts as of late...I really am quite open in person as well. Surprises people sometimes. Indeed, I am grounded too, and I do have a filter, and I can also be quite quick with lightness and jokes. In any place where you're supposed to be quiet, I'm known to crack jokes in the background, for sure. I used to get in trouble at church. I suppose I'm still that girl who likes to cause trouble every now and then.

A poem I've been working on...I was going to revise it this morning, but I decided to leave it how it is. Hope you have a good day, Christine.

Volcano

First, our vapor room.
Your wild hand, a spark,
graces my cheek, waking
me red, no, yellow. Fierce
light spills through thin,
pale curtains --
a poor, silk sheet
foaming at the mouth.
If windows could speak,
they’d surely be laughing.
I push back the edge
of perspiring covers,
afraid to blink and miss
mountains – one twitch,
one shift, one changed
breath, your curious
animation, each moment
drawn out of the blue,
relentless fire. First,
our vapor room. Left
behind -- any old surface,
the black, steaming rock.
Softly, I am buried, burning
new, as fragile as an ash.

C.A. MacConnell

Bibs

 

Hi! I thought this was an interesting little feeler. I just liked the colors and the layers...makes me smile right here, right now.

And I just got back from running around the graveyard, feeling all the shit...you name it. Sometimes, you just gotta get...it...out. There's been a lot of that in the past few years, although much less lately. See, at the moment, I'm very confused, lost, feeling alone, feeling rather like a child. The trees and rain comforted me, though.

Just being real. Maybe someone can relate, I dunno. I find it helps to be open about it...here, there, wherever. <3 Mostly, just really worn out probably. It's been a lot to take on, and there's been a lot of confusion, but I know my heart is so fierce, and so good...and I believe in my journey.

Hey, I hope your day is rolling out how you wish it to be, and I'm sending you love and light. We're in this together.

Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

Hose 1, 2, 3.

 
Hose 1


Hose 2


Hose 3

Instead of lost gloves, I've been noticing hoses lately. No one else may find this interesting, but you can tell a lot about a person from their hose, ha! I had some fun with the strange art of it, and "the feels." I've been really enjoying reading, researching, and taking photos, letting my brain drink in whatever, no rules.

It's all part of the process. Check out my books here!

Yes! I am still trying to figure out how the best way to get some bigger photography art out there or have a show, things of this nature, but I do deliveries 7 days a week, so it'll take some time/luck to figure this out, as I have to pay bills. Practical, magical, the balance. See, all of my work, including everything having to do with my novels, is a solo venture.

But right now, I'm just having fun with the creation, and I'm cool with it! I've been happier and lighter lately, and it feels new and lovely.

Hope you have a great day! Maybe I'll see you when I'm out and about. I keep hoping for the magic. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'd rather believe. Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

BU

 

<3
C.A. MacConnell

Delivery Door.

 

I took a bunch of cool photos today, but I'll only post this one for now.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

I Freaking Love You, Little Yellow House.

 

Two of my favorites. Hope you have a beautiful day. I've been laughing a lot, secretly always memorizing dialogue when I'm talking to random folks. Not on purpose...it just happens, ha. Later, when I least expect it, when I'm not even thinking about it, it'll all come out while I work on this next book. That's when my brain comes in handy...ha. I've learned to channel the muck. I suppose Shakespeare wouldn't call it "muck," but I do. Other days, I call it "slick."

Will Grayson is one of my new favorite books...by John Green and David Levithan. I truly enjoyed that. I also enjoyed Every Day, by David Levithan. Green and Levithan have some fun with voice...so much so, that I find myself wanting to step outside of the book and join them in the creation. I've also learned so much from sociologist Sudhir Venkatesh, and I've been reading his work as well. Man, I drank in his words; I was completely enmeshed. 

Anyway, I've been stepping back, reading, studying, and writing poetry, getting in the groove. :) Sometimes I have to research and get quiet...all part of the process.

I suppose I'd love to have bestselling success, so that I wouldn't have to struggle so much financially, and I believe my novels are absolute fire...they just need money put into the promotion. Sure, I could use help. You can find my books here! Pass it on! My ultimate dream is to see them become films. :)

But my life is good, and what I enjoy most is the process of creating. I'm older, wiser, and I'd rather just curl up and be happy.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Bridge to Center.

 

Hope you have sweet dreams. A shot I took a while back. <3
C.A. MacConnell

Desire.

 

C.A. MacConnell

How I'm Feeling.

Good morning.

Hm, how am I feeling?

Grin.

I'm aware.

And I'm aware that sometimes I worry too much about how I'm feeling.

Help someone today.

Maybe I just did.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Air 3.

 

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Pony.

 

Ponies can be hilarious..you can see it clearly in the eye here, ha. Fun trouble coming, ha.

C.A. MacConnell

Donkey

 

C.A. MacConnell

Goat.

 

Came upon some new friends today. Separate photos...although taken together...each one, like the animal, has its own feel and quirks about it, on purpose. :)

C.A. MacConnell

Photo, Self.

 

Hope you have a nice evening. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Lost Glove 61.

 

Strange to see a winter glove on such a hot day.

I was going to write a little story about a moment in time but instead, I'll just say this:  be kind to yourself. Be gentle, be compassionate toward yourself. You deserve that. You have worked hard. Give yourself some grace. The deer have been visiting me, telling me this. And the groundhogs have been visiting too, telling me to trust my inner voice.

<3 C.A. MacConnell

Waking

 

This one brings a tear to my eye. So sweet, so gentle. <3, 
C.A. MacConnell

From the Shark

Hello there Hello again
Listen I didn't do it on purpose
It all started with the sun going away
I went real fast you couldn't even see me
One second under
Next the surface
I opened my mouth
I swallowed the white bird
Too late I saw the stupid boat
Then I was stuck on something
My head my mouth my front my throat my neck my teeth
Pulling trapped sucking me
I remember I couldn't swim or breathe right
I jerked side to side my head my tail
My mouth was full of feathers and I loved it
But I tasted something wrong
The rope
Moe once told me he had it happen
No one swam near him for weeks because of his problem
Never thought it would happen to me
I knew I had to chew it apart soon no one wants a net
Break free home
Before anyone saw me caught up
I thought I was in the clear
But when I got back
Jimmy told me I had something bad
In my cheek
Patty broke off sideways
Said half my jaw was gone
I didn't feel the hole there
I was still enjoying the seagull
The whole team was all making fun of my ugly
Swimming in shapes and lines and diving in threes
Which was laughing
And I knew I had to do something to shake the stress
Before all the girls found out
I took off
I was going at least sixty
Weaving through the coral reef
I'd show them all
I saw something and I had to take a hold
Because that's what we do
I admit my aim was off
I guess I was hurt after all like they said something nasty
Which was talk therapy
Everything messed up my brain a little
I guess they were all right about that
Annoying hook in my face
Not supposed to be there
That's what happens with boats
Your face gets a hole the hunting goes wrong
Hello there Hello again
I went real fast you couldn't even see me
One second under
Next second the surface
Listen I didn't do it on purpose
I wanted a sea lion for dessert
I messed up I saw something and I had to take a hold
Because that's what we do
Everybody has bad days
I didn't like the taste
of the person's leg
So I spit it back
out
I was mad at the mistake
But I didn't have time to say sorry
I was busy see I still had that hook
Squid said I had to move to get it out
Which is the doctor
I smiled
I ate him right after
Listen I wasn't dead the moon was coming

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. One of my favorite voices I've done. Hope you have a good day. Love to you. :)

Thomas' Girlfriend Calls.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Under the Semi.

:) XO. 
C.A. MacConnell

Bollard Face.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Morning, Self.

Hi, morning self, just woke up. This is the real me, right now. Strange to say, but for these days, sometimes a necessary statement, ha. Hope you have a good day, and sending love and light. I'm looking to have some laughs today. And check my oil. Always a balance. But I might have some laughs while checking my oil too. :) <3

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Hope you get a chance to check out my books.

Glove 44.

 

<3,
C.A. MacConnell

My Four Books.

 

GRIFFIN FARM

THE HOUSE OF ANCHOR

STRANGE SKIN

THE HOLE

Here are my four novels! An all-independent effort -- creation, writing, editing, interior design, and cover art!

For descriptions, reviews, and to purchase ... Touch/Click on any of the titles.

Also, my Amazon Author Page is here.

Good morning and have a good day.

C.A. MacConnell

Photo. And an Essay... No Fix, Just Me

 

No Fix, Just Me

Nothing particularly earth-shattering about this photo, other than I'm here to say that this day is beautiful, like you; it's easy for me to tell you that. It's not as easy to tell myself. Isn't that true for many of us? The negative self-talk I often hear is something I would never profess to someone else. Rather, most days, I tend to see others' positive qualities, and I tell them all the time, and I focus on facets of their personalities that I enjoy.

And so, I have to constantly ask myself this:  What you hear in your head...would you say these words to your best friend? If not, then I need to change the dialogue I'm hearing inside and learn to be kinder to myself. Easy to say, harder to do.

I've noticed that when I imagine/dream about a partner, I begin feeling very insecure off and on. There are days when I'm OK with where I'm at in my life and how I look, and I feel solid as all hell, but at other times, I fiercely struggle with it. When I was little, I was taught that how I look is more important than how I feel. I was taught that feelings were shameful, and I learned how to hide them well. If there was something physically wrong, it had to be "fixed" immediately. And in my case, it was often taken to the extreme. And so, I learned how to communicate with animals instead. Considering my history, aging and physical problems can be quite terrifying for a person like me.

Appearance, the utmost importance. Think about how confusing that is to a child. Fucked up. A rather strange message and then, as we grow, the outside world constantly reiterates this false information all the time. Should be the opposite, I know...feelings and the whole person should be more important than the mere exterior, of course, but it's a hard voice to shake. Yesterday, I found myself feeling like I was about nine years old.

I've done hard work on it, but I suppose there are some things about myself that will definitely always be present; however, there is a striking difference in how I experience it, because I'm more aware now. For instance, last week, I cut my own hair, and it was uneven as all hell, and I was thrilled. For the first time in my life, I just let it be choppy, and it felt awesome. To be uneven = OK, no big deal. Suddenly, I didn't need fixing.

Of course, I eventually got a haircut, but I did let the mess sit for a while, and I loved it. May seem like a small change to some, but for me, it was huge. I've noticed that lately, small changes like this are creeping in, and I'm feeling just a little bit freer every day.

And so, let me restart this essay and begin again...

Nothing particularly earth-shattering about this photo, other than I'm here to say that this day is beautiful, like you. And me.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Ludlow Outfit.

 

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Photos, Books.

Hi! Welcome. I'm an author/photographer with a master's degree in English and Creative Writing from Hollins University. You can read my official Bio here.

I am available for freelance writing work.

My four published novels are available on Amazon now. Touch/click any of the book covers on the right side of this page, and you can find full descriptions, as well as reviews. Or go to my Amazon Author Page. I'll have a fifth one coming out in the not-too-distant future. :)

My Facebook Page is C.A. MacConnell.

Feel free to send me a message if you have questions on writings or photos! My email is in my bio. Or you can send me a message on FB. I'm working on a plan to sell my photography art... still in the works. Stay Tuned.

Thanks so much for checking out my art!

C.A. MacConnell

Black Dog

 

C.A. MacConnell

Circus Clown

 

Last night, I was at a restaurant owned by actual, former, big time circus performers... although they don't travel on the road together anymore, it seems that they still clown around. As the music was going, several of the guys did tricks to make people laugh...some in costume, some not. No money involved; they were just doing it because it's part of who they are. :) A nice surprise. There is some real talent and practice that goes into the clown profession, I realized, as I watched them up close. It's an art form, for sure. And quite physically impressive and challenging at times! I was mesmerized.

I asked one of the clowns about the experience -- traveling with a circus family like that. He said it was "unbelievable," and he had a real spark in his eye. He said that many of them stay in touch and often, some other performers come to visit or stay with him...they'll just wander through. :)

Never know who you might meet. I danced with the guy above a little...he really made my night. While dancing, I tried to guess his name, but he was a mime, so he didn't talk. I prefer my men this way, ha. Joking. Later, through someone else, I found out that his name's Brian.

C.A. MacConnell

Sidewalk Kiss

 

Love.
C.A. MacConnell

You Will Be Rewarded for Your Courage.

 

C.A. MacConnell

Wind Chimes

C.A. MacConnell

Presence

Two days ago, I was walking and grieving, and the feelings come and go, often primal at times, although less lately...but that day, I felt it hard and soon, I saw one deer, and she drew close and comforted me. Startled, I thought it was a coincidence and then, as I walked, about a half mile away, I saw another deer, and she drew close and comforted me as well. Then I saw a ground hog, and those little guys always make me chuckle and smile. And suddenly, I knew in my heart that the universe was offering loving support, and that the message was this: be gentle, be kind toward yourself. I knew that all of nature -- the animals, the trees, the clouds, the wind, the sky -- could somehow hear me. Call it a presence, call it God, call it what you will, but I knew.

Often, I've had such miracles happen with nature, and these reminders often come at moments when I need it the most.

All at once, I felt honored. I felt calm.

C.A. MacConnell

Unexpected

On Wednesdays, I usually attend a certain spiritual gathering, but the group as a whole isn't what draws me there. I suppose most folks go for the group, for the big picture, so to speak. I go to see my friend A., who is an extremely tall, sharply funny fellow who also happens to be blind. I always sit next to him, and we joke on and off throughout the entire hour. I'll say things like, "You should see my rockin' pants today. Yellow plaid." He'll respond with, "Looking good, as always." and we crack up. I've touched his hand when I've gotten him a coffee or his cane and such, and I'll say, "You know, I'm small, only like 5'2"." And he'll say, "I know, I can tell by your hand, shorty." All through the hour, we quietly joke. One time, when I missed a few weeks, he told me he was worried because he didn't hear my voice, and he was going to put my face on a milk carton. We were both rolling because obviously, he has no idea what my face looks like. Constantly, he freely pokes fun at himself, and he maintains a quiet dignity about it when he does. I've learned a lot from him. His presence beside me feels like a calm, gentle, safe rock of protection and support.

Whenever I get too serious about my setbacks or present circumstances, I think of A. His sense of humor is powerful; the power rests inside that which is unexpected; herein rests the divine message, I've found. And so, ironically, attending the "spiritual" group itself is not what teaches me spiritual things. He does. 

C.A. MacConnell

Orange Ladder

 

C.A. MacConnell

Peppers

C.A. MacConnell

Thunderbird.

 

Hello, I think this is incredible...no retouching here, just a cloud I caught one afternoon. Thunderbird in the Sky. 

People have been asking and so, I am working on officially getting set up to sell prints of my photos...feel free to send me a message...right here.

Stay tuned. Coming soon.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

I Was Wrong.

Remember, everything always changes.

Hm, some say that. I've said that before too. 

But I was wrong.

See, there is one thing that never changes for me. The feeling in my heart that most people call "love."

Love rests within me...sometimes deeply, sometimes at the surface...but when this peaceful light enters me fully, I am suddenly awake and alive, and I see the world in a spiritual way. People, nature, my perception -- these things alter the course and perhaps, my perception of love changes, but like a shadow, love is always following me, waiting for me to reach out again whenever I so choose. And maybe sometimes, I'm angry or lost or confused, but the feelings always circle back, and when life alters my course, after I barrel straight through the emotions, love is there, striking me solid, new, and whole, seemingly taking human form, smiling at my return. Pain, grief, loss, financial hardship, accidents, tunnels of fear, confusion, misery, feeling trapped -- what seems like a mess is not a mess at all. The purpose is this:  to bring love back to my attention. 

Call it what you will but that, friends, is beautiful. Love is divine, unexplainable and unique. Today, I have the choice to dive into that which is a mystery.

I was wrong. Not everything changes. Love is always there. Love is a silent warrior.

I was wrong. And the awareness of that is beautiful too.

C.A. MacConnell