An oldie but definitely a goodie. Have a good Sunday. I know I'm getting out in the sun to hunt for creatures. Love to you, C.A.
Buttface and the Wolf Man
A
while back, I was teaching yoga, and it was a big class, like 20
people. It went so smooth. I really felt in the zone. Well, when it came
time for deep relaxation, it was nice and quiet in there, so I turned
the music off and went back to stretch out on my mat and relax with
everyone. Right at that moment, when everyone had their eyes closed,
this guy came barreling into the room with his headphones on, and he
decided to lift some weights. Since he had those headphones on, he
didn’t know he was breathing so loud that it sounded like he was having
some rough sex for a long, long time. We could all hear it. I mean, it
was so loud.
I kept thinking, I wish he would get off
already. I smirked. Then I opened my eyes, and I looked up at one client
who was giggling, and I just lost my shit, started cracking up. Then
all 20 people started cracking up, and the guy was still breathing and
breathing like a madman, absolutely oblivious to the class that was
supposed to be going on.
THEN, when everyone was
sitting up, I looked over, and the guy was leaving the room, and I saw
that the back of his shirt read, in big, tattoo-style letters, I kid you
not, “Buttface.” I started laughing again and told everyone what it
said, and they started laughing again.
Then I said
“Namaste.” That’s how I ended the class. If I would’ve thought quicker,
during the relaxation, I would’ve gone up to the dude and said, “Hey,
Buttface, can you keep it down? I have a class going on here.” But alas,
I wasn’t quick enough. Next time, next time.
…then,
later, I was on my way to meet the band, Shiny and the Spoon, when I
looked out my car window and saw a man wearing a wolf. I am not joking –
it was a dead wolf, the whole damn thing. The wolf head was intact,
sitting on top of the man’s head, and the body and legs hung down the
man’s back, swinging while he walked. It was the most disgusting thing,
and I was like, dude, where the fuck are the animal rights activists on
this one? Wolf man, for real. Is that even legal, ‘cause it was so
unpolitically correct it was amusing. I have never seen anything like
it, not in this century.
I told Shiny and the Spoon
about the Wolf man and the legs swinging all disgustingly, and they got a
kick out of it, but we were all like, what the hell. Tomorrow, I’m
expecting to see someone in a White Tiger suit, blood and guts and all.
Where is PETA when we need them? I was dumbfounded.
Anyway,
heavily breathing buttfaces and wolf men from outta nowhere make for a
bizarre week. Anyway, hope this day finds you well and happy. I’m off to
go breathe heavily on someone, then kill a deer with my bare hands and
wear it as a parka, hooves and cute little nose and all.
C.A. MacConnell
