In the morning, and in the evening before sleep (for those who sleep), my mind begins to...well...work overtime. Maybe more than your average bear, I'm not sure. I start thinking about all of my insecurities, my setbacks, and all of my worries. More often than not, fear and doubt creep in. And sometimes, I'll think this: I have to change everything -- my hair, my body, my living space, and on and on.
As if changing the outsides would somehow alter my insides.
I get overwhelmed at the idea of changing everything.
When I look at many Facebook or Twitter pages, what do I see? Happy people, beautiful people, couples at dinner with an engagement ring, fresh, clean children playing in the spring shade, people winning awards, people singing to crowds, people celebrating, people being happy people. Not sure if I've ever seen a picture of someone crying. Wait, I think I have, but it's incredibly rare. Ha, I posted one of myself crying once. How about a shot of someone anxious, alone, at home, wondering what to do that night after a fresh breakup -- have never seen that.
As we all know, these social media sites are a mere snapshot of life. Mostly, they touch the surface, then scroll away. It is what it is. These pictures and short lines don't tell the real, whole story. How could they?
Oftentimes, looking at them makes me feel inadequate, fearful, and sometimes jealous, I admit. Other times, I may see a glimpse of the real person within the eye; I may have a sudden feeling of what the entire picture may include, so to speak. I suppose in the past, I connected with a few people this way, on the net, but it could never be the same as it would be in the flesh. Right, obviously. Right?
Wait a minute...back when I was eighteen, I met my soon-to-be boyfriend on AOL, and I told him I loved him before we even met. And then I met him, and I did love him, as fully as I could at the time. The connection was there online, and it was there in person.
There was no change in the heart.
Hm, so this morning, after tunneling through my insecurities and thinking about outer appearances, I'm thinking about how we all have one thing in common -- humanity. Of course, we all share some of the same pains, joys, setbacks, loves, deaths, addictions, and all of the things that make us who we are. And who we are is the true miracle, because no one, no one could have the exact same experience of you...or me. No one. But whether online or in person, when we share our honest stories, it cements us together.
But I'm not slamming the fun of it. Go ahead, share "happy people" pictures, regardless of what's going on, why not? Sometimes it's just plain entertaining.
But if I'm struggling some morning or some evening, I have to remember that when I see the outsides of others, it is a mere snapshot of what lies deep inside. Indeed, it seems to me that we are all trudging along, and in my opinion, searching for one pure, nonjudgmental thing -- love.
C.A. MacConnell
