Drive Thru
C.A. MacConnell
7/31/2016
7/29/2016
First Draft Done.
Hi there! So excited. Well, today I finished the first draft of Book 3, which is a young adult novel, although the main characters range between 16 and 21 over time, and there's some rich family interaction, so it's mature and definitely clever enough for adults as well. The characters are so full and real; I have loved digging deep with personalities and dialogue, and I've been hyper-focused on what the conversations would be like on film.
It's been interesting for me to write in a new genre; I've had to tone down my super adult ways and potty mouth, for sure, ha. Yes, I'm censoring myself. My art's probably having a good, tame influence on me for once. It's been a joy to write.
It now has a working title that I love, so I hope it stays. Tonight or tomorrow morning, I will print it out for the first time. I like to edit the second draft on actual paper. Just my superstitious way, I guess. I hope my ancient printer holds up! ;)
I'm stoked. That's all I'll say about it for now. Can't give away all my secrets! Just a teaser for you. I'll be done with this book in August, for sure.
Wish me luck on the next steps toward publication.
Thinking about Curious George for some reason. Remember the man in the yellow hat?
C.A. MacConnell
It's been interesting for me to write in a new genre; I've had to tone down my super adult ways and potty mouth, for sure, ha. Yes, I'm censoring myself. My art's probably having a good, tame influence on me for once. It's been a joy to write.
It now has a working title that I love, so I hope it stays. Tonight or tomorrow morning, I will print it out for the first time. I like to edit the second draft on actual paper. Just my superstitious way, I guess. I hope my ancient printer holds up! ;)
I'm stoked. That's all I'll say about it for now. Can't give away all my secrets! Just a teaser for you. I'll be done with this book in August, for sure.
Wish me luck on the next steps toward publication.
Thinking about Curious George for some reason. Remember the man in the yellow hat?
C.A. MacConnell
7/27/2016
Photo: Girl, Saylor Park
.jpg)
Girl, Saylor Park
Today's Truth: The illusion is a tool to discover what is real.
-- C.A. MacConnell
7/26/2016
Pause.
Usually, I try to connect with something greater out there each day,
whether it be with the hawks or the mysterious presence I call God. Not a
bad word for it. Overused, maybe, but it means the world to me.
But this morning, I was in a hurry, so I didn't pray when I woke up; I forgot to slow-talk to the universe. My mind was speedy, and I ran out of the house in that familiar, lovely, confusing state of "processing and thinking and figuring things out."
Driving and oh-yeah-still-thinking, I stopped in an Express Mart for some snacks. I was on a mission -- run in, run out, get on with the day, the usual. My tricky brain incessantly rolled on, and I'll admit that the word "peace" certainly wasn't at the forefront of my mind.
At the counter, a tall woman with thick bangs and long, blond hair rang me up.
I looked at the side of her face and asked, "Are you having a good day?"
She turned to face me, handed over my change, and responded, "I'm working on it."
I chuckled. "Me too." I looked at her straight on, eye to eye. "Thanks for saying that. It makes me feel like I'm not alone."
She shrugged and smiled. "Oh, you're definitely not alone in that."
"Oh, I know, for sure," I said, nodding. "Thanks."
"You're welcome."
I thought that she had moved on to the next customer, but on my way out the door, she called out, "Just remember, you are blessed!"
"I am," I agreed. I paused. "I am," I said again.
Maybe it was a simple morning exchange, but it felt like the universe was speaking to me, reminding me to be grateful, reminding me to get back to the spirit realm and take a break from my human, self-centered thinking. The fear, the roar. Sitting in my hot car, I talked to God. Then I yelled, I cried, I let it all out. See, I believe that my God hears me when I'm being real, whether I be pissed or humble and holy. And then I prayed to forgive myself, forgive others, and let go. And I asked for direction.
I needed a wake up call. A simple stop at the store turned my perspective around. On the way home, I thought about what matters -- my family, the way they pull for me and back me up time and time again. I thought about my friends and specifically, the women who are there to catch me. And then I thought about that woman in the store. Maybe she was a stranger, but not anymore. In that moment, she became another human being making her way, just like me, flaws and all. I thought, Be good, be kind, be real, be open, always. Make decisions for a greater good.
Pause. We are all in this.
C.A. MacConnell
But this morning, I was in a hurry, so I didn't pray when I woke up; I forgot to slow-talk to the universe. My mind was speedy, and I ran out of the house in that familiar, lovely, confusing state of "processing and thinking and figuring things out."
Driving and oh-yeah-still-thinking, I stopped in an Express Mart for some snacks. I was on a mission -- run in, run out, get on with the day, the usual. My tricky brain incessantly rolled on, and I'll admit that the word "peace" certainly wasn't at the forefront of my mind.
At the counter, a tall woman with thick bangs and long, blond hair rang me up.
I looked at the side of her face and asked, "Are you having a good day?"
She turned to face me, handed over my change, and responded, "I'm working on it."
I chuckled. "Me too." I looked at her straight on, eye to eye. "Thanks for saying that. It makes me feel like I'm not alone."
She shrugged and smiled. "Oh, you're definitely not alone in that."
"Oh, I know, for sure," I said, nodding. "Thanks."
"You're welcome."
I thought that she had moved on to the next customer, but on my way out the door, she called out, "Just remember, you are blessed!"
"I am," I agreed. I paused. "I am," I said again.
Maybe it was a simple morning exchange, but it felt like the universe was speaking to me, reminding me to be grateful, reminding me to get back to the spirit realm and take a break from my human, self-centered thinking. The fear, the roar. Sitting in my hot car, I talked to God. Then I yelled, I cried, I let it all out. See, I believe that my God hears me when I'm being real, whether I be pissed or humble and holy. And then I prayed to forgive myself, forgive others, and let go. And I asked for direction.
I needed a wake up call. A simple stop at the store turned my perspective around. On the way home, I thought about what matters -- my family, the way they pull for me and back me up time and time again. I thought about my friends and specifically, the women who are there to catch me. And then I thought about that woman in the store. Maybe she was a stranger, but not anymore. In that moment, she became another human being making her way, just like me, flaws and all. I thought, Be good, be kind, be real, be open, always. Make decisions for a greater good.
Pause. We are all in this.
C.A. MacConnell
7/25/2016
7/23/2016
Photo: Reporter
Reporter
One of my favorites I've taken... :)
Today's Truth: A great warrior is gentle. Be gentle with myself. (A reminder from the White Bison and Wellbriety Movement site).
C.A. MacConnell
7/22/2016
Bring Her Back
A poem, but I wrote it more as a song. See what you think. Just revising some today. C.A.
Bring Her Back
Remember when no one
cared about saccharin.
Whether or not it can
kill you, the world
sure loves the skinny.
Maybe I worry
that you won't like it.
Maybe I write
that your eyes are dark
just to be safe.
I am half-sleeping
on a brown couch
with a red pillow
and just like you,
I can’t find the bear.
Someone’s winning.
Maybe a pirate
who deserves it.
Maybe some bodysuit
made of teeth and blood.
I could dye my hair
permanent black,
but then the skin stands out.
Winehouse was a genius.
Tattoos can’t bring her back.
Maybe I write
that your eyes are dark
just to be safe.
Maybe I worry
that you will like it.
C.A. MacConnell
Bring Her Back
Remember when no one
cared about saccharin.
Whether or not it can
kill you, the world
sure loves the skinny.
Maybe I worry
that you won't like it.
Maybe I write
that your eyes are dark
just to be safe.
I am half-sleeping
on a brown couch
with a red pillow
and just like you,
I can’t find the bear.
Someone’s winning.
Maybe a pirate
who deserves it.
Maybe some bodysuit
made of teeth and blood.
I could dye my hair
permanent black,
but then the skin stands out.
Winehouse was a genius.
Tattoos can’t bring her back.
Maybe I write
that your eyes are dark
just to be safe.
Maybe I worry
that you will like it.
C.A. MacConnell
7/21/2016
7/17/2016
Today's Truth.
Today's Truth: "When the words are different than the actions, that equals confusion. She was in a place of confusion. Love is an action word. True love comes with action." -- man across from me last night.
7/16/2016
7/15/2016
7/12/2016
Small Miracles
I've been working on my book, but I stopped when I thought this: with everything disturbing going on around the world these days, as one person, what can I do? Little me, what can I do?
It's easy to feel helpless, but I know that I can take actions, however small, to make another person's day a little better. I could hold the door for someone, be a listening ear, call someone, give someone a cookie or a flower. What can I do that is absent of self? Maybe my ideas are just small things, and I certainly don't have the resources to act on a grand scale, but can't goodness radiate outward? Can't one small act of kindness be a stimulus for joy to spread? Why not. I admit that I'm tired, and this week has been tough for me too; I have actually cried my eyes out in horrific pain, but I'm still here. And I know that there are so many others who had tougher weeks than me, for sure. Feelings...they change, and I have processed some biggies. But just for today, why not focus on turning thoughts around, moving in the direction of love and light?
Instead of assuming others are out to hurt me, I can assume that it is all for a greater good.
Instead of wishing someone would make a different decision, I can assume that we all have our own paths, and what is true for them is right and good.
Instead of thinking the universe is troubled, I can think that things are happening as they should be.
Instead of thinking that my pain is a punishment, I can see it as God's way of leading me to the light, to becoming more fully who I am.
Instead of fueling anger, I can choose to forgive myself and others and let go.
Instead of wishing for one person to be with me, I can allow God to handle my relationships.
Instead of wishing for sun, I can dance in the rain.
I am not a victim. I am a hero, a survivor. And this is true for anyone who has been through trauma.
Do I sound too cheesy or self-helpish? Maybe I do, but my heart holds a great deal of hope. Rather than focus on the turmoil, I can focus on gratitude. I have clean water, hot and cold. I have food in my fridge. I have medical care, supportive family and friends, and a safe place to live. So many people do not have these things. I am truly lucky.
Sometimes it takes me a while to process things feelings-wise, but my heart feels right, and I try to stay on the right path.
Today's Truth: I hope that some small miracle happens for you today.
C.A. MacConnell
Here is a shot I took of the Wild Horse Monument. When I look at it, it makes me feel so free. :)
It's easy to feel helpless, but I know that I can take actions, however small, to make another person's day a little better. I could hold the door for someone, be a listening ear, call someone, give someone a cookie or a flower. What can I do that is absent of self? Maybe my ideas are just small things, and I certainly don't have the resources to act on a grand scale, but can't goodness radiate outward? Can't one small act of kindness be a stimulus for joy to spread? Why not. I admit that I'm tired, and this week has been tough for me too; I have actually cried my eyes out in horrific pain, but I'm still here. And I know that there are so many others who had tougher weeks than me, for sure. Feelings...they change, and I have processed some biggies. But just for today, why not focus on turning thoughts around, moving in the direction of love and light?
Instead of assuming others are out to hurt me, I can assume that it is all for a greater good.
Instead of wishing someone would make a different decision, I can assume that we all have our own paths, and what is true for them is right and good.
Instead of thinking the universe is troubled, I can think that things are happening as they should be.
Instead of thinking that my pain is a punishment, I can see it as God's way of leading me to the light, to becoming more fully who I am.
Instead of fueling anger, I can choose to forgive myself and others and let go.
Instead of wishing for one person to be with me, I can allow God to handle my relationships.
Instead of wishing for sun, I can dance in the rain.
I am not a victim. I am a hero, a survivor. And this is true for anyone who has been through trauma.
Do I sound too cheesy or self-helpish? Maybe I do, but my heart holds a great deal of hope. Rather than focus on the turmoil, I can focus on gratitude. I have clean water, hot and cold. I have food in my fridge. I have medical care, supportive family and friends, and a safe place to live. So many people do not have these things. I am truly lucky.
Sometimes it takes me a while to process things feelings-wise, but my heart feels right, and I try to stay on the right path.
Today's Truth: I hope that some small miracle happens for you today.
C.A. MacConnell
Here is a shot I took of the Wild Horse Monument. When I look at it, it makes me feel so free. :)
7/11/2016
Photo: Kiss
Kiss
Aw, one of my favorites.
Working on my book #3...adding some scenes, doing research; I'm loving this book. The characters are a lot of fun to write, especially the dialogue. I really lose myself in it.
There's so much going on out there, all around us. Hope that tonight...you are well and happy.
Working on my book #3...adding some scenes, doing research; I'm loving this book. The characters are a lot of fun to write, especially the dialogue. I really lose myself in it.
There's so much going on out there, all around us. Hope that tonight...you are well and happy.
Love,
C.A. MacConnell
Quote of the Day.
"Warrior knows the value of silence, but now is not the time for silence."
C.A. MacConnell
C.A. MacConnell
Be in Today.
Today's Truth: "This a wonderful day. I've never seen this one before." -- Maya Angelou
photo by C.A. MacConnell
7/07/2016
Photo: Take Me, and a Note to You
Take Me
A Note to You
Hm...a repost. But I like this pic. My favorite shots tend to veer toward the simple things. I think there's a lot one can take from subtlety. I have the same feeling about songs too. Aye. Hope you like this pic as well.
I've been reading Clint Malarchuk's memoir, A Matter of Inches. It's fantastic, so gripping, and so full of heart. Packed with feeling and achingly honest. If I met him, I would like to thank him for sharing his story with me. I feel honored. I'm tearing right through this sucker, like 50 pages at a time.
Everyone has such a cruel, joyful, unusual, complex, hilarious, unique, sorrowful, lovely tale. Everyone. Everyone deals with prejudice, abuse, and the like, from time to time. Everyone has great triumphs and crushing defeats. I realize this. We are who we are because of these happenings, and I'd venture to say that we can choose to become more who we are through these happenings. Whatever ends up on my plate, I just always want to maintain my integrity and send out love and light. That is my true aim. I strive to do the right thing. I feel deeply, the highs and lows, but I also feel a deep love here on this planet.
Hope you are well out there. I'm drinking coffee, even though it's ninety degrees. I'm looking forward to this evening. I've been into chokers lately, for some reason. Hey, some lady who owns a vintage shop came up to me and said, "You've got style, you do." Shocked, I said back, "Oh my god, no one has ever said that to me before, never, ever in my life. Thank you so much." Ha. It made my day. I'm vintage without trying to be vintage. I didn't tell her that my clothes were actually the same clothes I wore in the nineties.
C.A. MacConnell
Photo: TBT
TBT
I've been working on my book #3, and I filled in the ending today...the middle parts need some juice, but it's all coming together beautifully. These characters have become so real to me that I actually cried at my own writing today. I suppose that's a good thing. 'Course I'm bothered by other things as well -- stigma related stuff, not sure what I'm gonna do about it. See, in this picture in 1999, I was incredibly ill, and there was stigma and judgment all around, but I was and am a trooper, and looking at this image reminds me of my strength and how damn far I've come, despite society's constant way of belittling and misrepresenting brain disorders. It is incredibly painful.
Today's Truth: See how far you've come. Ignore the bullies. Show the world what a talent, a dreamer, a hard worker, a smart cookie, and a fighter you are.
C.A. MacConnell
7/04/2016
Photo: Roanoke Star
Roanoke Star
Howdy, happy fourth! Hope you're celebrating. I wrote for a while, and the new book is going great; I am so excited about it, but I've been exhausted and ravenous all day for some reason, so I slept and ate. My muscles are sore. Very exciting. I go through periods like this...up, down, you know. I guess everyone does...
I'm not big on holidays, to tell the truth.
During the day, when I'm writing, off and on, I hit Ellen's site or twitter and imagine that she's rooting me on. Or others...sometimes Ron Howard. Maybe that's not Hemingwayish, but I like to think someone's giving me a pep talk. I mean, when you write, it's just you...all day...you, ha. It can get goofy, so it's nice to imagine some friends hanging out. Weird, I know.
Hope your day is awesome. Love!
C.A. MacConnell
7/03/2016
Photo: Conductor
.jpg)
Conductor
Met a new friend today. Saw an old friend tonight. Thinking of this photo. Hope your night is full of love. I'm having veggies, frozen of course, but I'm trying! Ha. Everything must be frozen.
C.A. MacConnell
7/02/2016
Book Three.
This book I'm writing is rad. Chiseling away. Book #3, coming soon.
I really liked Tarzan! Aw, heart wild. Also, Lamin Tamba...he struck me.
Back to sleep!
C.A. MacConnell
I really liked Tarzan! Aw, heart wild. Also, Lamin Tamba...he struck me.
Back to sleep!
C.A. MacConnell
7/01/2016
Choosing Peace
A while back, I was driving through the side streets in a shifty part of town. It was pitch black in those alleys, and when I looked out into the night, I saw a lone, dark shape smack in the center of the road. I squinted, hit my brakes, and looked closer. The shape was distorted, as if there were too many arms. I looked closer. Crutches.
Then I saw that she wasn’t an adult woman at all. She was a girl around thirteen years old, and she only had one leg. The right one. There she was, wandering around in the dark, hobbling on her crutches, and from the hip down, on the left side, there was nothing but air. Alone, she slowly made her way down that dark street. For a moment, she stopped, looked through my windshield, and stared at me. Hard. Strong. Not a twitch, a flinch, or a break in her look. And then she turned, making her way forward into the shadows.
As I drove on, I thought about the tough look on her face, and I wondered what had happened to her -- how and when she lost that leg. Then I thought about what it might be like to be her -- a young teen making her way through the world with a disability that was so fiercely apparent. Of course, I could never really know what it would be like to be her. I could never truly understand the exact challenges she would face in the neighborhood, at school, and in her entire world, inside and out.
And then I thought about her strong countenance, her steel-sharp look, and the way that she moved forward in spite of her disability, trooping through the dark streets despite the danger all about her. No, I could never fully understand the way that she would feel, but I felt a raging connection to her. I couldn’t shake the vision of her. It touched me. It stuck with me.
Today, thinking of her, I'm reminded to pick and choose my battles.
Over the years, at times, when I saw injustice directed toward those with disabilities, I stood up, spoke out, spoke up, or wrote about it, although it took a great deal of strength, and it was often draining and incredibly difficult; sometimes it affected me for years after. Indeed, right here, right now, as I write to you, I'm remembering the aftermath of some of the comments -- the stress, stigma, panic, judgment, and the like. And then I remember the other comments -- the letters, emails, thank yous, the ones that made it all worth it.
Other times, I let go, or "let things slide," as I like to say, and I trudge forward in spite of the darkness that may be around me, like her. I can share my story and help when it feels heart-right, but at other times, I can hold it close. Indeed, it is hard to find that balance, but through experience, I have certainly gathered a lot of knowledge over the years. Lately, I've been focusing on my own journey; I've decided that the best way to fight is to live my life to the fullest, to be an example of truth and strength, in the best way that I know how. Flawed at times, sure, but I'm giving it my best shot.
So let me be strong in the darkest of alleys and speak up when it’s right and true, when the moment calls for it, but also, let me be aware of the times when I need to allow myself to settle into peace, and let me embrace the wisdom to know the difference. That little girl reminded me that whether I'm fighting strong or listening and meditating, I can choose to be true to myself, and I can choose peace.
C.A. MacConnell
Then I saw that she wasn’t an adult woman at all. She was a girl around thirteen years old, and she only had one leg. The right one. There she was, wandering around in the dark, hobbling on her crutches, and from the hip down, on the left side, there was nothing but air. Alone, she slowly made her way down that dark street. For a moment, she stopped, looked through my windshield, and stared at me. Hard. Strong. Not a twitch, a flinch, or a break in her look. And then she turned, making her way forward into the shadows.
As I drove on, I thought about the tough look on her face, and I wondered what had happened to her -- how and when she lost that leg. Then I thought about what it might be like to be her -- a young teen making her way through the world with a disability that was so fiercely apparent. Of course, I could never really know what it would be like to be her. I could never truly understand the exact challenges she would face in the neighborhood, at school, and in her entire world, inside and out.
And then I thought about her strong countenance, her steel-sharp look, and the way that she moved forward in spite of her disability, trooping through the dark streets despite the danger all about her. No, I could never fully understand the way that she would feel, but I felt a raging connection to her. I couldn’t shake the vision of her. It touched me. It stuck with me.
Today, thinking of her, I'm reminded to pick and choose my battles.
Over the years, at times, when I saw injustice directed toward those with disabilities, I stood up, spoke out, spoke up, or wrote about it, although it took a great deal of strength, and it was often draining and incredibly difficult; sometimes it affected me for years after. Indeed, right here, right now, as I write to you, I'm remembering the aftermath of some of the comments -- the stress, stigma, panic, judgment, and the like. And then I remember the other comments -- the letters, emails, thank yous, the ones that made it all worth it.
Other times, I let go, or "let things slide," as I like to say, and I trudge forward in spite of the darkness that may be around me, like her. I can share my story and help when it feels heart-right, but at other times, I can hold it close. Indeed, it is hard to find that balance, but through experience, I have certainly gathered a lot of knowledge over the years. Lately, I've been focusing on my own journey; I've decided that the best way to fight is to live my life to the fullest, to be an example of truth and strength, in the best way that I know how. Flawed at times, sure, but I'm giving it my best shot.
So let me be strong in the darkest of alleys and speak up when it’s right and true, when the moment calls for it, but also, let me be aware of the times when I need to allow myself to settle into peace, and let me embrace the wisdom to know the difference. That little girl reminded me that whether I'm fighting strong or listening and meditating, I can choose to be true to myself, and I can choose peace.
C.A. MacConnell