A Comedy sample for you today. Love, C.A.
Twelve Minutes
Sweating, on top of Beth, Paul paused and asked, "Don't you like it like this?" He gently kissed her on the mouth.
"I
guess, but I like our sex better when I can breathe," Beth answered,
coughing. "By the way, can you shave soon? Your whiskers are giving me
that chin rash again. Looks like I have a red beard."
"Damn,
sorry, but what's wrong with being a pirate?" he said, laughing,
slightly moving his body away from her chest. "About your oxygen, I
can't help it. I just got carried away."
"I know," Beth
said, breathing heavily. "You're gonna kill me. A little Viagra, and
you're like the Energizer Bunny man all of a sudden. And I'm sitting
here with my hair stuck to my cheek, about to flat line. Well, don't
stop, damn it, keep going. The kids will be home in a half hour." She
glanced at the wall clock. "Make that twelve minutes," she said.
Again, Paul moved close to her. "Stop ordering me around. I love you."
"Not like that," she said. "Shit, great, now all I can think about are Gino's Pizza Rolls. I love you too."
"Well
how? Which way? Like that porn we got? Man, I'm not that flexible," he
said, pausing. "And pizza rolls? What the hell? Focus, focus, dear. Why
are you thinking about pizza?"
"I dunno, just do
something hot, make me forget about pepperoni," Beth said. "You know,
they have that commercial where that happy mom is making pizza rolls for
all those kids. I feel like I should be like that woman all the time. It's so much pressure. No one could ever make that many pizza rolls at once. I can't live up to that woman."
He kissed her cheek. "You are that woman."
"Maybe do me from behind, yeah," she said, turning over. "Let's try that."
"Oh, we haven't done that in a while," Paul said. "Not sure if..."
"I know, your knees..." Beth said. "Never mind." She rolled over and stretched out on her back.
Beside her, Paul stretched out too.
"Aren't you frustrated?" she asked him.
"It's all right," Paul said. "We can do the side thing tonight, when we have more time."
"You are frustrated."
"Aren't you?" he asked.
"I feel like Jamie Lee Curtis on those yogurt commercials. You know, Activia," Beth said.
"Huh?" Paul laughed.
"Those ones where you're supposed to eat the yogurt so you won't be constipated," Beth explained.
"That's how you feel?" Paul asked.
"Yeah."
"You feel like you ate the yogurt, or you feel like you need to?" he asked, chuckling.
"Like I need to. All stuffed up," she said. "Maybe I should just do it myself."
"Do what? Eat the yogurt?" he asked. "You constipated? Man, I am. Have been for a week. Damn, are you crying?"
"No,
I don't think so, but did you have to tell me about your bowel schedule
right now?" Beth said, rolling her eyes. "I'm gonna just do it myself."
She reached her hand down.
"Oh, yeah, do it," he said. "Go ahead, I'll watch."
"If you watch, I'll get all nervous, and then I won't be able to do it," Beth said in a raised voice.
"Well what do you want me to do?" he asked her.
She
brought a hand to her chin, thinking. "I dunno, you could put your hand
down there, do that thing. Or you could just go make the kids some of
those pizza rolls?"
"What are you gonna do?" he asked.
"I'm gonna finish the job. You know, eat the yogurt," she said, grinning.
"Sometimes
it's like you're speaking a different language," he said, getting up
from the bed, slipping on his boxers, shaking his head. He smiled wide,
showing a straight set of teeth.
"Honey, your teeth look great. You just whiten?" Beth asked, hand at her crotch.
"About a week ago. They hurt like hell," Paul said.
Beth
asked, "Hey, have you ever seen that commercial with the Southern
Comfort guy, where he's holding that glass, and it has this flag
sticking out of it that says, 'Be you,' or something, I can't remember,"
Beth said.
Paul leaned in, looked her in the eye, touched her breast, and said, "No, the flag reads, 'Whatever's comfortable.'"
"Hey,
we better hurry. Get outta here. I'm gonna do it myself. It's getting
late. About that commercial, you sure that's what's on that flag? You
sure?"
Paul laughed, flashing his white teeth. "I dunno, love, but I'm sure I'd like to watch."
"Me, or the commercial?" Beth asked.
"Both," Paul answered.
-- C.A. MacConnell
