Don't we all have mornings where we look in the mirror and think this: I look like absolute shit.
Well, I suppose I don't know if you do, but I do, for sure. Had that
thought this morning. And yesterday. I suppose we all have some sort of
old mental tape that plays over and over in the mind. Maybe the tapes
are different, but they creep up on us, aye? Aye, matey. I have no idea
why I suddenly turned into a pirate, ha.
Mental tapes.
Maybe some girl wakes up terrified of work because when she was little
her father told her she would never succeed and every day, she battles
this demon. Some kid at the U.S. border wonders if he'll ever see his
parents again because his entire life the outside world has stripped him
of relatives, one by one, with no fucking warning. Some older woman
collects canned goods because when she was little, there was no food in
the house. Some man ferociously cleans his car at the self service wash,
even though he already did it once that day, because when he was
little, his father lost it all gambling, and the message is clear to
him: the work is never enough. And deep inside me, there are still the
remnants of myself as a little girl, depressed and full of self-hatred.
The
tapes play on; they creep up on us in the strangest moments. Some
people are never aware of these tapes. Others are. Awareness can be a
beast...over time, I've worked to fight against these negative mental
tapes, and there's been great progress, but I suppose we all carry the
deepest ones with us for years...maybe some of us hold on to them our
entire lives.
These days, I mainly battle self esteem
issues and fear. What makes me most afraid? It changes, but lately,
judgment of my life and body, and the fear of being stuck. Trapped.
But
there's something miraculous within all of this -- these pains can
bring us together. And with all of these highs and lows, with all of
these battles within us, remember to be easy on others and be easy on
yourself today.
💞💞💞💞💞
C.A. MacConnell
