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Northern Ohio
University of Somewhere
essay from the archives. A little essay for you while I'm working on Book Three...moving along! Love, C.A.
This is one of those times in my life defined by one, monstrous word: uncertainty. For a person with my personality, this word -- uncertainty -- is a real bear. A momma grizzly. Ever unsure which way is up? Ever have doubt, uncertainty, constant wonder?
Of course you do.
Everyone does indeed have times like this, I know. Sometimes it feels like there's nothing to hold on to, eh? (Although lately I've been holding on to the word, "indeed." Seems like I use that word every other sentence, ha. I used to prefer, "overall.") I suppose that's growth, I dunno.
Anyway. Uncertainty. Perhaps you're waiting to hear about a job, or your child's health report. Maybe you're learning to drive, trying to pass that test. (No worries, I failed it once miserably, and they still let me live. Not the parallel parking...the written, i.e., the laws, haha). Moving on...hey, maybe your dog's having surgery, or you and your husband are hitting up the therapist again, or you're stuck in the thunderstorm, and you have to pull over, or you're trying to walk and there's a big, black snake stretched out across the path, or you're waiting to hear from the University of Somewhere.
We all have those times of waiting, times when it feels like everything has been stripped away. Maybe it's all gone -- the relationship, the job, the place to live, the savings, and on and on. Recently, it's been like this for me, for sure. But I'm smiling. That's right, shrugging and smiling.
I've been in this place before, and I am a believer in the strange order of things; that is, I believe that there are times when I lose everything so that new people, places, and things can fall right into place. And I've been in this spot enough to know that at some point, I will look back and say, Now I get it.
Let me stay in the present and recognize that I have all that I need, right here, right now. Let me believe that becoming whole and new again is wonderful, unique, and part of being human. I have taken the actions. As far as the rest goes, I feel that a warrior would let the results go.
Much love to anyone uncertain out there. Peace to you. Love to you. Indeed,
C.A. MacConnell
