Yesterday evening, I was with a group, and I was tired as all hell, feeling quite a bit of physical pain, and I was in a hurry to return home and meditate (meditation, movement, distraction, and crying help the pain the most) and then, something came over me. Even though I was pretty set on my "get home" mission, I turned around, retraced my steps, and approached a certain woman, briefly mentioning that I always liked what she had to share. She thanked me, and it was a simple, warm moment, aye.
And then, as is my Thursday night routine, I headed over to the quickie mart to pick up some ice cream and cookies. Well, as I turned in the driveway, an enormous SUV backed up...or should I say...barreled out of its parking space, missing my car by about a millimeter. If I would've pulled in one second sooner, the entire side of my car would've been toast.
I lost my breath. And then it came back, as breath tends to do. My car is my livelihood...since I do deliveries. I grinned a little, thinking about the timing and my luck.
I thought about how earlier, something came over me. Something told me to pause, to speak to that woman. If I'd chosen to leave without following my hunch, my car would've been out of commission later -- a definite mess of a wreck.
But was it luck? Or was it a little, special voice meant for me? I choose to think that it was my heart protecting me. Or God, if you will.
And it reminded me to pay attention to those little pushes, messages, feelings, and hunches.
Sometimes, I get so caught up in my routines, my overthinking, and my anxiety, that I fail to hear my heart. I lose track. Of course, I lose track. I'm a flawed human being haphazardly dancing around in this wild world, just like you. And some days, it seems like there's no damn roadmap, for sure, ha. Just little old me and my hands. Just little old you and your hands.
Grab the fuck on for the ride, as scary or joyful or overwhelming or hilarious as it may be.
We're all reaching out...looking for something or someone to hold onto. Yes. Every moment of the day. Look around. Everyone's tiptoeing around the planet with tools they learned from other flawed humans. And what a mess that is at times. And what a wondrous miracle that is at other times.
A spider web is perfect. And we are not. But when we love, we create a perfect web. That's all we have to do. That's the solution. We get lost in the wind, but the web is there, waiting for us to add on or rebuild. OK, maybe I just got hilariously lost in that terrible metaphor. See, I'm not above cracking up at my own writing.
Anyway, you get the drift, ha. Help build that damn web, if you can. And I will too.
Life is about love. Love. Simple as that. Learning to love the self. Learning to love others. Scraping away all of the bullshit one layer at a time, if we so choose, so that we can help ourselves and help one another.
Pay attention to those little pushes.
Have a great evening. I'm speaking tonight. Strangely, it's a place where my great Grandpa was one of the founders. Everything's connected.
And now, after I just wrote to you, I think I can harness this physical pain and make it there tonight. XO. See, we're in this together.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
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