Angels, Angels 2

 
Angels

Angels 2

Hi there. Thought I'd share some photos I took the other day. I took a couple of days off for once. I probably needed more, but what can I say...I'm better when I'm moving, for sure, both physically and mentally. I enjoyed my walks though. :) Trying to regroup, slow it down, be gentler. Like many folks, I struggle with PTSD, and it's hard for my brain to understand that a break doesn't mean losing everything. Rather, a break is OK. Alrighty then. Processing this truth.

It's hard for my brain to understand a lot of things! Ha. But I'm grateful for my tricky brain...it's creative as all hell. Rad.

Some things are new for me as I navigate this part of my life. Everything is new, really! But, what's good about all of it is that so many joyful things are rolling in as well. It's been quite a mix, quite a journey, deep as all hell...and hilarious at times too. When I think about all I've been through in the past three years, it's really amazing, all of it.

I'm so proud of RECOVER WILDLY:  DAILY SPIRITUAL ESSAYS FOR SURVIVORS. I'm proud of all of my books. I've been getting some awesome feedback on this one, for sure, and I'm glad it's helping some folks. It's definitely straight from my heart and my experience. And let me tell you, it's been a wild ride.

My life, my writing, my photos, my songs...all of it is teaching me how to better love myself and others. And of course, I have some great cheerleaders as well. 

Hope you get a chance to check out my books! And I hope this day is peaceful for you. 

I'm not sure if this is true, but I saw that there's going to be a new Dances with Wolves movie. If this is true, I want to be in it. That would be a dream come true. I saw the first damn film five times in the theater, all by myself, because I didn't want anyone to distract me, ha. I was so focused. And I can't tell you how many times I watched it at home. I know all of the words. It's annoying to watch it with me. I've also read the book. Anyhow, if you're hiring, I'm in. I do have 20 years of horse experience, so there's that, ha. I'm chuckling. I think I'm late, but it can't hurt to try.

Have a great evening. Thank you for being here. <3

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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First Red Leaf

 

Awesomesauce. My friend Lana says that a lot, ha. I love it, and I love her. And I love this photo. I took some more cool shots today. I'll share them with you soon.

I hope you have found/find everything your heart desires. I have some issues, sure, like everyone does, but my heart feels really good and true right now, in this moment, and that's what matters to me most. I am supremely grateful for those who support me...I have been and am really lucky.

And I am grateful for you too.

Thank you to all those supporting my books. I'm getting some amazing feedback on RECOVER WILDLY. And I sold out of THE HOLE at my last book signing! Rad. Don't forget to leave a review.

I plan on having another book signing. Stay tuned for details. At the moment, I'm resting my brain some.

Have a great day. Can't wait to work on some new songs and new books.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Little Pushes

Yesterday evening, I was with a group, and I was tired as all hell, feeling quite a bit of physical pain, and I was in a hurry to return home and meditate (meditation, movement, distraction, and crying help the pain the most) and then, something came over me. Even though I was pretty set on my "get home" mission, I turned around, retraced my steps, and approached a certain woman, briefly mentioning that I always liked what she had to share. She thanked me, and it was a simple, warm moment, aye.

And then, as is my Thursday night routine, I headed over to the quickie mart to pick up some ice cream and cookies. Well, as I turned in the driveway, an enormous SUV backed up...or should I say...barreled out of its parking space, missing my car by about a millimeter. If I would've pulled in one second sooner, the entire side of my car would've been toast.

I lost my breath. And then it came back, as breath tends to do. My car is my livelihood...since I do deliveries. I grinned a little, thinking about the timing and my luck.

I thought about how earlier, something came over me. Something told me to pause, to speak to that woman. If I'd chosen to leave without following my hunch, my car would've been out of commission later -- a definite mess of a wreck.

But was it luck? Or was it a little, special voice meant for me? I choose to think that it was my heart protecting me. Or God, if you will.

And it reminded me to pay attention to those little pushes, messages, feelings, and hunches.

Sometimes, I get so caught up in my routines, my overthinking, and my anxiety, that I fail to hear my heart. I lose track. Of course, I lose track. I'm a flawed human being haphazardly dancing around in this wild world, just like you. And some days, it seems like there's no damn roadmap, for sure, ha. Just little old me and my hands. Just little old you and your hands.

Grab the fuck on for the ride, as scary or joyful or overwhelming or hilarious as it may be.

We're all reaching out...looking for something or someone to hold onto. Yes. Every moment of the day. Look around. Everyone's tiptoeing around the planet with tools they learned from other flawed humans. And what a mess that is at times. And what a wondrous miracle that is at other times.

A spider web is perfect. And we are not. But when we love, we create a perfect web. That's all we have to do. That's the solution. We get lost in the wind, but the web is there, waiting for us to add on or rebuild. OK, maybe I just got hilariously lost in that terrible metaphor. See, I'm not above cracking up at my own writing.

Anyway, you get the drift, ha. Help build that damn web, if you can. And I will too.

Life is about love. Love. Simple as that. Learning to love the self. Learning to love others. Scraping away all of the bullshit one layer at a time, if we so choose, so that we can help ourselves and help one another.

Pay attention to those little pushes.

Have a great evening. I'm speaking tonight. Strangely, it's a place where my great Grandpa was one of the founders. Everything's connected.

And now, after I just wrote to you, I think I can harness this physical pain and make it there tonight. XO. See, we're in this together.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Howdy. Do You Have Your Copies Yet? XO.

 

Hi there. I've had a challenging week! Here I was with my buddy yesterday. Just sharing something from my life. <3

Do you have your copies of my books yet? Click on any of the covers below, and it'll send you to a description and purchase info. Or, go here.

I'm excited about how folks are responding to my 2025 creation, RECOVER WILDLY:  DAILY SPIRITUAL ESSAYS FOR SURVIVORS. Mostly, I'm thrilled that it's helping some people. My first nonfiction book...and it's been quite a journey getting it out there. We've been so close to number one in Inner Child Self Help on Amazon, and we've been creeping down closer to number one on the general charts with all of my books. Rad. Thank you so much to all who are supporting my art. Here is my author page. More to come! 

Again, click/touch any of the covers below! Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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💗💛💙💪💓

I Go Somewhere

You know what I crave? Porch swings, small lakes, beach swings, tiny homes with stone paths leading to the door, the moment in certain films, the instant that exists right before the last word is spoken, or the second, the breath that occurs right before the last image appears, one willow tree branch drifting with the wind, reaching to touch another, the space of time that lingers as the air, the breath of God, moves leaves. Fire. Love. Music. Touch. Peace. Safety. A blanket and a teddy bear. Time that has no time at all...to simply...be. Play. Play. Play. I'm winking just now. A fucking mosh pit. I'm too old, but I'd sure try anyhow, ha. Riding in some car, cracking up, the music blaring, with no direction in mind. Naked hiking. Actually, I intend to do that soon. Nudist joints appeal to me from time to time. Yes, indeed.

And don't you believe that the trees hear us? I'm not certain people truly hear me, but I know that the trees do. They seem so kind, so gentle. People can be fierce and unpredictable. Although, sometimes loving and unique, of course. But I feel that only the trees hear my true voice. Today, I talked to them. Of course, throughout my days, I speak to folks anyhow. Just for kicks, I guess. Many days, I still feel invisible. 

But I speak anyway. Just because that's what people do. When I'm moving, when I'm working, I'm actually quite light and carefree at times. I am oftentimes hilarious. Strange to think about how I was joking around just a few hours ago. 

How different I can be from one hour to the next.

Truth be told, when I am alone, writing, or when I'm singing songs, when I'm in this space, I'm still the same person that I was when I was nine years old.

I go somewhere.

Hello, I'm glad you're here. Nice to see you going somewhere with me. Have a nice evening, kiddo. We are secret children.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Rest

 

Rest, C.A. MacConnell C. 2025

I took this today, actually. It was originally a small piece of a trash bag. I made it into something interesting. Hope you like it. Just messing around. Have a beautiful evening. I'm going to take some photos tonight. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell.

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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The Net

Just writing some flash poetry just now...thought I'd share it.

The Net

I gripped the dogwood tree,
peeling back pieces of bark.
Waiting for ginger cookies,
I wore my jumpsuit -- plaid --
while Grampie picked blueberries
and skinned fish for supper.
My friends, the bloodsuckers. 
The net hung in the shed,
waiting for all of us.
Here.

C.A. MacConnell

The Air That Surrounds You

The Air That Surrounds You

There you are, in the crowd,
wearing a red T-shirt. In a mess

of cross-style sitting strangers,
you are the only one standing tall,

your long arms hanging loose,
your hands making slight fists.

Around you, a foot of yellow,
glowing space graces each side

of your form. And this is the air
that always surrounds your shape.

You are smiling wide, your dark hair
barely reaching your shoulders.

Freshly shaven, your pale cheeks
spotlight-shine. And you are looking

up. This time, you move. This time,
you hold up your hand, furiously

waving. But even then, you forget
to blink. And from the stage, struck

by the stare, in the middle of two
difficult words, I stop speaking.

Like always, my breath turns
guttural, a seemingly solid pant,

a trapped, warm, familiar ache,
a sky-stuck moon sliver of light

caught in a crevice
deep inside my left

breast.

C.A. MacConnell

Good morning. I just felt like posting something sweet and loving today. I've been learning a lot about myself...for sure. As I've written, Everything and everyone around me are a reflection of who I am. Learning my own lesson, so to speak, ha.

Sometimes, with writing, it works that way.

I suppose there's a balance. Sure, I want to change and grow. But I also want to celebrate the essence of who I am. Because who we are is unique and awesome! And so, I don't have to constantly strive to be someone else or "be better." Rather, life presents me with situations, and I can choose my perspective; I can choose to learn or whatnot. Or do nothing. And it is tricky to navigate the balance sometimes. 

I hope you and I can celebrate the awesomeness that makes up who we are today. Right here, right now. I suppose, above all, I just want to feel safe and loved, like everyone else. We all just have different ways of seeking it. <3

I'm fifty-one now, ha. Sometimes, I look in the mirror, and I'm surprised, because on the inside I still feel like a fourteen-year-old quite often, which isn't always necessarily a bad thing. Also, I'm learning how to develop more friendships, which is cool. And I'm learning how to continue friendships and such. I fly single, and I have since 2013, which is a long time. I haven't seen my match. If I did, my heart would know. <3 I look at others and wonder sometimes, but I don't obsess. I just continue to write and move forward. Sometimes, I wonder about my place in this spider web, but I'm better when I'm moving and staying in the moment.

Life isn't wrapped in a neat little box, for sure, ha. I mess up, I regroup, I try again. For an introvert and artist like me, navigating relationships is tricky. I suppose it's tricky for all. :) I'm not unique here. But, as I heard someone say last night, as the old cliche goes, "Just try to do the next right thing." Slow it down. Keep it simple.

But I do know that I can try and be authentic and help some folks today.  Because...if one wants to feel loved, one has to give love. I find myself getting lost in seeking positivity and reassurance from the outside, but it's inside. I sort of remember and forget, remember and forget. 

So, give. That's the focus today. Also, breathe, relax. Slow it down. Float through the day. "Fight or flight" is not working for my body at all. Stress can do a number on one physically.

And a wise writer once said, "I think I'll do what I can and have a cookie." That was me. I wrote that. Ha.

And at the moment, it just feels good to write.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Thank you!

 
Afternoon, C.A. MacConnell C. 2025

Thank you to everyone who came out for my book signing! It was awesome. I saw a lot of family and friends...and met some new folks too. I'm taking the day off, and I'm not sure what to do with myself, as this has been a fiery journey the past three years. I suppose most people know how to rest and relax. I'm learning, ha. I'm sure I will take a long walk. I can't wait. That's all I know so far. :) And later, I intend to play some piano! I've been loving it so much. Writing songs and creating. <3 I feel a poem churning inside of me as well. :) Honestly, I always have poems and stories and songs churning inside of me, ha. I'll start posting on here more soon. :) A long walk with nature...and I hope it rains. XO.

Hope you have an amazing day. Thank you. Please leave a review! And pass on the word. Your support means so much. <3 to you, C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Private Drive, Eight Days Away!

 

Private Drive, C.A. MacConnell C. 2025

Hi there! Hope you like the photo. It's one of my favorites. :) 

My book signing is just eight days away! Hope to see you there. 

If you can't make it, you can find my books here.

I'm also looking forward to getting my next book together. It's already rolling around in my tricky brain. Ha. It'll be fiction. I can't wait, honestly. I'm already excited about it. It'll have a lot of action and strong, amusing male characters. That's all I'll say for now.

I've been writing songs on piano, and they're rad. So much fun to sing and create just for the joy of it. I plan on getting a portable instrument, ha, so that I can share this stuff but for now, I love the secret time I spend writing on the real thing -- pianos in churches...sometimes, I get in trouble, yes. I suppose it's sacred and exciting to me, and I enjoy the feel of the freedom.

And, I've been trying to get the word out about my books, as well as doing deliveries. About three jobs right now, ha. But I do enjoy all of it...although my body doesn't always agree. And, I'd rather be working on my next book! Soon. I'm trying to slow down throughout my days...relax and take it easier. That's my main goal right here, right now. I'm learning balance and moderation, which I abhor. Ha! "All or nothing" is my go-to. But life is teaching me many lessons...so fast I can barely keep up! Trying to take care of my body, but also not obsess about pain...it's challenging mentally, but it's also teaching me how to pay attention to the way I talk to myself.

I'd like to love myself today so that I can show love to you. And better show compassion to those all around. XO.

Love to you. Hope you have an amazing day.

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Secret Time

Good morning. I captured this little gem last evening. Hope you have a great day. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Howdy. Book Signing.

 

Hope to see you there.

C.A. MacConnell

Me, Right now.

I took the first selfie in a while, ha. Here I am right now. I kinda like it. It feels like "me." Kinda captures my "feels" today. Hope you have an amazing evening. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

 

Save the Date! Book Signing Saturday, August 23. Details Soon.

 

Good morning. I am having a book signing for RECOVER WILDLY:  DAILY SPIRITUAL ESSAYS FOR SURVIVORS on Saturday, August 23. Details soon! Save the date.

I also have four killer novels out! They're all fast-paced, mysterious, and unique. I guarantee you'll never forget the ride.

Touch/Click on any of the book covers for info and to purchase.

Thank you. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

Hope you have an amazing day. XO.

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Fall to Touch, 1 through 6.

 

Good morning. Just sharing my "Fall to Touch" photos, one through six. Just happened across them today. I love the beauty in the simple stuff. XO. Hope you have an amazing day. I got some good rest, and I'm grateful. Remember -- one moment at a time, right here, right now. Telling myself as well. Interesting, all of my morning readings were reminders of this too. I can get overwhelmed, and I turn into a strange, harsh being, and I become too hard on myself when I focus on the big picture. It's more comforting when I break things down into smaller pieces. "Dial it down," is what one of my spiritual advisers once said. I love that. See, I don't need any outside pressure. I'm already a trooper. What I need is gentleness, kindness, and positive self-talk, not harshness. And if I'm kind to myself, I'm kinder to others in turn. XO.

Love that child within you. Love. Comfort, safety, and love. <3 And then, it radiates outward. I suppose that's what my fifth book is all about, in a nutshell. Loving that person within...so that I can spread this to someone else, hopefully. Maybe help someone. Maybe be a part of the flow of goodness. XO. Maybe add love and beauty to someone's day. Maybe touch a soul. :)

Nature is circular.

We're here for a short time. We deserve peace and happiness, all of the good things, however that manifests itself. XO. 

Thank you for supporting my five books!

Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Milk Carton

Good morning. I have a couple of books' worth of poems, ha. Maybe that'll be my next book. Not sure yet. :)XO. I have my heart set on working on another novel I've started, though. I have a beginning, and it's been churning around in my brain in various ways. It always starts that way...then it doesn't leave me alone until I finish it, ha. Annoying as all hell. But also, fun. 

I'm grateful for my ridiculous brain.

What have I been doing? Writing songs on piano continuously. Struggling with aging and such, in many ways, but also, going forward. Pushing through tough stuff to do so. Becoming my own hero, so to speak. Grieving some things, which has been surprising and tumultuous. Also, feeling the grief easing up...and yesterday, I felt a nice sense of calm roll in.

Thank you for supporting my fifth book. I went to see "Superman," but I didn't make it much further past the previews, for various reasons, and I wasn't into the sucker at all. I did love "F1" though. I love car movies. Especially, "Drive," one of my favorites of all time. Yes. <3

Hope you like my poem. Have an awesome day. Whatever you're going through right now, I hope you have an amazing journey. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

Milk Carton

Proof of life:
Tangled hair, twisted throw.
The animal and I,
We wake.

Strange captor calls from the
Family.

Now, stretching. True, I'm no brow-beauty.
Some other missing girl will
Bring the ransom
Home.
She'll be a longer living wall fly.
Some say she'll stick.

Ground coffee, look here, I make the black
Law. I admit, it's a little

Strong.

Call the shepherds. They know
Blood.
Find the sign,
The lost shoe,
The search team, the one
Phone call,
The right or wrong
Words. Relatives know how to make a
Deal. Someone finds a bad sock,

A trace.

Hero, empty or full, don't forget the suit
case.

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Sparks

 

C.A. MacConnell C. 2025

Hi! How's it going? Just came across this one, and I love it. Took it this year sometime. I love the ones that suggest, rather than tell. :)XO. Hope you like it too.

Spread the word! Let's get to number one! Five books out now! Touch/click on any of the book covers on this page, and it'll send you there!

Thanks so much. Don't forget to leave a review! Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Adventure and Connection

It's the end of my work week, and I'm sitting here like a grade school girl, wishing that love was like the movies. Growing up, I guess books and movies were the examples of love that I came to know. Also, my imagination. For instance, I used to dream that I was part of the cast of Dances with Wolves. Or Goonies. I wanted the adventure, and the intense connections. I still do. I long for it constantly, at least when I have down time. I create it in my songs and books, I suppose. The feeling I longed for...it had nothing to do with appearances. 

Rather, it was all about adventure and connection. Still is. Deep connection. Yes.

And yesterday, I was in the sanctuary wishing to God that one of my dreams would be real, in real life, in real time. I suppose I've been disappointed by movies, books, and my imagination, because some of it becomes quite real to me, at least when we're talking about emotions. 

Is that part of being an artist? Creating that loneliness on purpose? I'm wondering. A lot of great artists struggle with loneliness, depression, and the like. Even when I'm writing comedy it happens. Artists have all sorts of dilemmas on the side, but humans in general struggle with all of these things. So, I won't assume that any of it is special and simply reserved for artists. No. I think that notion is a cliche.

Perhaps I'm touching on a hole that everyone can relate to. Some say, fill it with God. Or focus on loving the self. Or help others. I haven't mastered these notions...I still look to outside things some days. Or, I stay alone and keep writing, things of that nature. I channel it into art, which keeps me alive, honestly. I do help a lot of folks...and that feels right to my heart. Yes. 

But I don't know the answer to this separateness we all seem to experience, and I don't know why it exists. 

Seems like the world should be gentler and less complicated.

But why can't one dream be real? Perhaps it is. It's all quite confusing to me right now, to put it mildly. After finishing my fifth book, I've been uncomfortable. Uncomfortable. Because I'm definitely changing, and it's uncomfortable. So, here I am. Fifty. Getting older by the day. Feeling older too. Looking in the mirror and feeling quite a bit of loss. And for a while I became trapped in the idea of wanting to fix everything, to keep up with all those Internet girls, stars, or young girls, or whatever. But just the thought of it is exhausting and sad to me. Going down that road doesn't make me happy. It's just not right to my heart.

But I'm real.

Does that matter to anyone?

I don't know.

Yes, it matters to my friends. And oftentimes, people approach me and tell me they appreciate my openness. So, there's that. But it scares folks too.

I'm definitely not anyone's trophy wife. I'm stubborn and strong as fuck some days. Other days I cry and want a cookie. Still other days you'll find me randomly dancing about my workday, cracking jokes like mad. I'm wild, unpredictable, and free, and that scares people too.

There is a fire inside of me that only singing touches. There is a fire inside of me for a completely different life, and I feel like I've fucked up. How I wish I could go back. I have a lot of regrets.

I remember hearing a story about Frida, how she and her lover lived in separate apartments that were connected by a walkway above ground. I understood that, but that's not for me either. I want to be with my wolf. I've had partners before, sure, over time, but it's been twelve years now. Twelve years, yeah. In that time, I've done a ton of therapy, written four books, built a lot of strength, and created a ton of photography, songs, and other things. But last night, when I was enjoying creating a new song in the sanctuary, I asked God for the dream to be real. 

Adventure and connection. Music. Yes. I'm not seeking. Instead, I'm experiencing these feelings and listening to the storm rolling in. And for what it's worth, I feel the fire inside of me right now, writing to you. 

Again, it has nothing to do with surface or appearances. It has to do with a soul connection. Indeed. For me, that fills the hole. And now, here we are, and I am smiling again.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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Burn

 

Howdy! I took this yesterday when I was out walking after work. Kinda dark, but fiery and sexy somehow too. I liked it. Hope you have a great evening. I'm trying to chill after a challenging week, for sure. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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The Wild

Imagination. Yesterday, I made a list of the times in my life when I felt happiest. Dancing in the desert, skinny dipping, nude hikes, relaxing in a field, watching horses graze, things of that nature. Some of them had to do with partners or friends, people who brought out the wild in me, mostly. Other moments were simply lone times when I tapped into it myself.

But these are the times when I've been at my best. And I think that's where the heart of my new book comes from as well -- longing for that wildness and also, longing to share that with someone as well. Of course, I can tap into it on my own, and I have for many years. I feel it when I get deep into writing fiction or poetry. I also feel it when I'm singing, on certain walks, or when I take photos. Concerts can put me there too. Not all, but some. I especially miss the nineties concerts and the mosh pits...those were the epitome of the feral feel that I adore. And still other days, I can reach that place just by dreaming or becoming lost in my imagination.

Ah, the wild. Yes. Ever since I was a little girl, I've longed for that freedom. I still do. There's a part of me that feels a little different than many around me. Maybe that's my creative nature or free spirit, I'm not sure. Or maybe we all long for it; some of us just express it more than others. That may be the truth. I'm not sure.

I suppose I spend many days wishing I were a tree or a hawk. To me, things make more sense in that realm.

When I look at my list, and I remember all of these moments, and I ask myself which one strikes me as the one that stands out, it's this:  I was driving cross country with a friend, and we happened upon a Native American gathering in the Nevada desert, and all night long, we danced around the fire. It was magnificent. I was right in the moment, and I wasn't worried about a goddamn thing. Later, we froze our asses off when the temperature dropped, ha, and we had to use our body heat to stay warm and so, we hugged each other. We weren't partners. We did it to survive, and it was innocent and unique. I'll never forget that evening. The vision of it fills my heart with warmth.

The wild is inside...but a desert fire helps. XO. And so does music, and the like. And so do leaders...other creative souls who pave the way there. Sometimes, we need someone to give us permission to play, to be free...until we can do it ourselves. When I get too serious, these leaders can point me back to the child inside that I love. 

After all, when someone is near, and he sparks me with passion, it is a reflection of my desires. And so, it unfolds. We can help each other, if we're aware. We can help each other with the spark. We can help each other return there, if need be.

I'm not sure what's next for me, but I intend to read a bunch, and I have a book of fiction started...so that's on my mind. :) I've been enjoying writing songs on piano and singing in churches, and I have a whole album written now. Pretty rad. It's funny. I just play to God, and I don't really think too much about having an audience. I wouldn't mind necessarily, but I'm just having fun creating.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

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