Christina the Cheerleader

I just did a fun little exercise. I often check my blog stats on here, and I decided to put it to use. Well, I glanced at the hits on my blog from the past 24 hours, and I wrote down all of the titles that people hit. And I made a poem out of it. A little challenge. I never run out of ideas or things to write about. So, this is what came out of that. I thought I'd share it. I'll probably turn it into a short story. Just sharing some secrets to things that spark me. <3 C.A.

Christina the Cheerleader

In the middle
of group dessert,
Christina,
the cheerleader,
the special kind,
glances out
the window
and says, Good
morning, sky.
Slow reaction
begs for repetition.
Louder,
she announces,
Good morning, sky,
I believe you
are telling me
the time is eleven.
Even on holidays,
she is in the game,
noting her audience,
the score,
and the room,
watching the spread
of smiles.
And near her right
leg, two, anxious dogs
wait for a scrap
of pumpkin pie
from her, the chosen
carver, the guest
who dines with strange
neighbors, the festive,
welcoming folks
on the other end
of the cul-de-sac.
The mom responds,
Tell the truth.
Be the truth.
The dad says,
I’m just saying hello
and happy holidays.
Still in love
at 70 and 71,
both complain
of lost gloves.
Christina nods,
and the house
is quiet. Outside
of school,
back home,
most days are.
Quiet.
But just in case,
even in the shower,
she wears a whistle.

C.A. MacConnell

Good Morning. Proof of Life and Happy Holidays.

 

Good morning. Here is a rather serious, recent pic of me, wishing you a happy holiday. I suppose I prefer serious photos even though most want "smilers." Ha. This is me, no AI, none of that shit. Although, the lighting is helpful for sure! Ha. The worst lighting, I've found, exists in retail bathrooms. Also, in doctor's offices and hospitals. Hello, circus clown. Just wanted to bring a personal touch to my holiday message. Maybe I'll make it my profile photo, red eye and all. Ha. Selfies are overrated in my opinion. I mean, people can post on social media all day long, and we may have no idea about what's really going on in their lives. I try to be real, but the struggles and truths we face are often hidden to the world when it comes to the net. Myself included. I share about some of it. Sometimes, it scares folks. Aye. 

We're in this together. We all have our triumphs and setbacks and pains and gains, eh? No matter how it may look on a "pretty" post. "Pretty" is overrated as well. I can get caught up in the exterior gaga as much as the next person but then, I am usually heavily reminded by life that the heart is more important.

<3

I can be intense, like this photo, but I can also be hilarious and ridiculous. This morning, I feel kinda naughty. Sorry, Santa.

Thank you to all those supporting Recover Wildly:  Daily Spiritual Essays for Survivors. And thank you to all those checking out my novels as well.

I hope to keep the momentum going in the new year. We've been so close to number one! Help me get there.

I am going to be doing some speaking soon! I've worked hard to get this engagement and so, I'm excited. I'll tell my journey and talk about the books. I'll let you know when I get a firm date. January or February. Soon. And hopefully, there will be many more to come. That's the plan.

I enjoy speaking, and I hope to help some folks!

Hope that this day fills your heart. Today is everything. This moment is everything. <3 I didn't get a chance to play music yesterday, but I will today. :) I've got a whole album of songs now. Rad. I've also got about thirty pages started on a new novel. It's fresh, but I already have an idea of the complex web it'll turn into. My brain is churning, ha.

Hope you have an amazing day. Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Pinwheel Love

 

Hi. I am working on an essay for you. I stretched out to take a nap and then, I got up and started writing, which happens more often than not. Ha. It's not quite ready yet. Until then, here's a photo. Hope you have a great evening. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Lost Glove 73

 

Ha, just for fun. Fitting! I now have 73 pictures of lost gloves. And one lost sock. Happy holidays to you and your family and friends. Time to write. Love to you,

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

All Wrong, All Right.

I woke up from a nap freaking out. I need a new job. I'm so alone. That girl hates me. So does he. I need to change everything. I'm pissed at three people. I need to write about it. I wrote about it, and I shared it, and I don't feel better really. I need to do more. Do, do, do. 

I suppose there's always something to work on. A new job. A new place to live. Personal growth. Feeling better. Any number of things. I tend to be one who seeks forward movement and change on the inside. But strangely, that can get me into trouble, because I'm extremely hard on myself, and I become rather obsessive and forget who I am. And who am I? Well, I guess I'm a creative warrior who still believes in true love, even at 51 years old. But there's a lurking notion of "I'm not good enough" that I can't seem to shake. But the essence of who I am is important and unique. And perhaps, what I need to focus on more is that which is good and true to my childlike heart. Perhaps, I need to see that I'm OK right here, right now, as I'm writing to you.

See, I can get trapped in the idea that I always need to be better, look better, and on and on. And that kind of thinking spirals downward quite quickly.

I've had a tough couple of weeks and maybe, it's time to just be gentle, relax, and let God take care of me. I spend a lot of time worrying about whether or not I can take care of myself. Well, maybe God can do that job just fine. What does that mean? I'm not saying that as a human I should sit around and do nothing, ha, no. But it's definitely not in my nature to be lazy. Actually, I'm an overachiever in every way...and one of those areas where I obsess too much? Personal growth.

I forget to have fun.

I forget to enjoy the child within.

I forget to be in the moment.

I forget to be and feel free.

I forget to be spontaneous.

I forget to listen to the sounds of the creatures of the day.

I forget how to show love to others.

I forget how to allow myself to be loved.

I forget how to be compassionate and gentle.

I forget to be wild.

I forget what makes me feel wild.

One thing is good about all of this. It drove me to write to you today, to share what's lurking inside. And that's something that is a gift, I believe. My little gift. The solo writer. Yes, it's a huge part of who I am. It is easy for me to express my thoughts on the page. It's in my blood. 

And so, there's a balance here. Personal growth vs. accepting who I am in this moment right now, celebrating my hard work and triumphs. Allowing myself to be human. Being gentle. Loving that creative warrior, that lone writer, that wild woman, that courageous child who lives inside of me.

Aye, I'm not a master at the balance. Because oftentimes, when I have down time, I find myself thinking about certain aspects of my character that I need to change, or I worry about negatives, things I need to "fix."

But what if, instead, I celebrate my talents. What if I celebrate these very words, my fingers, my mind, my desire to connect with you.

And so, I'm writing to you, celebrating the gift of word and reaching out in a way that's so familiar to me that it might as well be an extra toe or whatnot, ha. I wouldn't mind having an extra toe. Or a cape.

Perhaps my words will help you, too. I am the hero in this story. You are the hero in this story. And maybe, we've both got it all wrong. And maybe, we've both got it all right. I suppose it's a little of both. <3

Have a great evening. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Forward Flag

 

Something I took yesterday. About the nature of growth and change. Hope you have a happy Thanksgiving. Be good to yourself. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Self, 2025

 

Here's a picture of me just the other day. I liked the softness. My mom bought me some flannels, and I've been loving them. My lovely friend downstairs gave me this head wrap...I liked it but then it gave me a dent in my head, which is big as hell, and it was too tight and so, this is the last you'll see of it. I've also heard that sweatpants are back in, which is cool with me, because I've never stopped wearing them, ha. So now I'm "in." Actually, I don't give a fuck about clothes, but I do like to be warm and cozy.

I've been generating a lot of book interest, and I'm grateful...the numbers are getting closer and closer to number one! I can't wait to get there. :) XO. But what's most important to me? Helping folks, reaching people, sharing my experience to aid others in processing through trauma and the like...heading toward joy and recovery. We are all in recovery from something. And I believe we've all been through trauma. And my fifth book, RECOVER WILDLY, targets this notion in real time. I don't hold back. I'm raw, real, and even funny at times in this sucker. Thank you to those taking a chance on my art. If you'd like to escape for a while, my novels are great for that! Four of those available to you now, and they're all fast paced and unique, although with each one, you can tell it's my style. I'm a master at my craft. XO. And I'm about to do research for book six. Hells yeah.

Love to you. You're a star. I'm a star. Thank you,

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Lost Glove 72, Alone Time

 
Lost Glove 72

Alone Time

Hi there. Some shots I took after work today. I was an unsuccessful napper, ha. And so, here I am, creating for you. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell.

 P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Beside You, Fifty-one

 

Beside You

Fifty-one

Hi there. Some shots I just took on my walk today. Hope you're having an amazing day. I'm taking care of things and resting...gonna watch a movie I think. Just had a yummy avocado. :) XO. Don't forget to check out my books! Thank you so much for those supporting my art. I sure did work hard to create these amazing books, and if you've read, please don't forget to leave a review! And pass it on. TYVM. XO. 

If you check out my novels, I think you'll be transported by the characters. My writing is very real and intense...and the dialogue is like no other. Hells yeah. People are usually surprised. I have a knack for the male characters...it's fun for me. Let me give you an example. If my character Johnboy were to describe my writing, he'd say:  "Yo, if you digging into C.A.'s mass writings, you are one animal cracker on the scene, 'cause she's all about busting out fly lines like she's gonna shoot up with the Pillsbury Doughboy downtown and take his Candyland ass up to the Dairy Queen to suck down some creamy whip. And no cheap lactose free; I'm talking about the total lard Choco dip special sauce, and the twist, you know wha I'm sayin? When you dig into C.A.'s books, you gonna hit your board goofy foot lead and fly right up to Uranus, and there's no coming back from that asshole, because that space trip is for real, uptown and starry, like no other. So, hang on for the ride, motherfucker, because here comes swallowing rainbow sprinkles and Creamy Deluxe action, for real. Now stop reading my words and hand over my slime gel for my hair. I know you lifted it, dick, so give it up. Time to bust out some graffiti and check out the bony chicks hanging outside the fence. I got my eye on that teeny tiny mean cat with the little titties and the pierced tongue, holy shit. Now get back to reading C.A., before her afternoon nap, which is like a millisecond long, but whatever. I love you, but I'll kill you next time."

See, I can slip into Johnboy if I feel like it. That's what he'd say about me, haha. No AI in any of my books, hells no. I created, wrote, edited, and designed every single one, every page, every line, every word. Right.  Johnboy is from THE HOUSE OF ANCHOR, which is my favorite.

My delivery job has been a great opportunity to work through some PTSD, strangely enough. I'm seeing the bigger picture of God working in my life. I don't like the process of feeling the feelings at all, ha, that's for sure, and it can be ugly some days but, in my experience, it's rewarding to push straight through. Because there have been glimpses of freedom and joy...and that's where I'm heading. That's exactly what my fifth book is about. Yes. <3 Forward! Weirdly, going forward can appear messy but, in reality, transparency shows progress, enormous strength, and awesome internal growth. Can't say it's been fun, no, but it feels right to my heart -- this process of walking right through the toughest layer of shit. That's the best I can describe it to a reader. And perhaps, if you've been through something similar, you can relate. I'm sure many can. We all have trauma, indeed.

Can't wait to see what happens next. I think it'll have to do with some speaking, telling my story, talking about my books, and the like; that's what I've been working on. I'll let you know. I am excited about this, for sure. I love to speak, and I'd love to help folks with my story; it's a unique and amazing one! Isn't that why we're here...to use our stories and experiences to create magic? I think so. 

I think I'll work on some songs tonight. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

 P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Red Into You.

Took this for you today. I dig it. Hope you do as well. XO.

C.A. MacConnell C. 2025

 P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Patient. And a Photo.

Today, after a tumultuous afternoon of thinking (ha ha, consumed with the self, never fun unless I channel it into fiction) I meditated, and I heard this, "Be patient with yourself." Those words literally stopped the thinking in its tracks. Just a simple, gentle reminder. Thought I'd pass it on. Maybe it'll help you as well.

Thank you to all those supporting my books! Don't forget to leave a review!

Hope you're having a good day. Here's a photo for you. One of my favorites I've taken. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Yellow Trees at Sunset. C.A. MacConnell C. 2025.

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Just Saying Hello and Happy Halloween!

 

Hi there! Happy Halloween! Just a newsy note from Chris. I worked really hard today...I didn't dress up this year...sorry to disappoint. Hope you're feeling happy and loved! I'm rather sleepy but can't sleep, kinda thing, for whatever reason. Restless on the inside, I'd say. I've been struggling with a lot of anxiety for a while now, due to a lot of change and life circumstances, but I sure am learning a lot each and every day. And that's how I'm taking things -- one day at a time. I'm rather transparent about all of this in my writings and in person, and it definitely scares people sometimes. Over the years, I've dialed it down...but I tend to be pretty open. Just who I am, I suppose. And I'm learning to love that little girl (me) slowly but surely. 

The past two days, I've done a better job. Earlier in the week, blah, not great. But it's about progress, right? XO. Hope you're gentle with yourself. I'm telling myself that right in this moment. And as I'm writing it, I have a little tear creeping in my eye. <3

I suppose it's a lifelong process for all.

Much of this learning rolled out of me in my fifth book, nonfiction, RECOVER WILDLY:  DAILY SPIRITUAL ESSAYS FOR SURVIVORS. For those reading, thanks for the support! It turned out awesome, and I'm extremely pleased with each and every page. Don't forget to leave a review! <3 Pass it on. Word of mouth is my friend.

I also have four novels, all of which are amazing and unique. My style is intense, for sure, and they all have a mystery element. I am a master at dialogue, and I am a master at many things having to do with writing, it's true. These books are incredible. Take a chance. I stand behind each and every one with my whole heart.

Most folks are surprised by my fiction, particularly the spot-on male characters, ha. I have a lot of characters running around in my tricky brain.

I've begun some work on a new book. It's fiction. :) Rad.

Just saying hello and checking in. Sending love. And remember...each moment is an opportunity. I can even rewrite the story of my past. I'm writing this to you, but I'm reminding myself as well. That's how it works. We're in this together!

Hope you have a beautiful evening. Maybe I'll see you out and about.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

True News

Hello there. I just wrote this. It came to me from a daydream. Hope you enjoy the poem. XO, Love to you, C.A. MacConnell.

True News

Raindrops on my face. Earlier, tears, but no one
knows. Minus the red cheek, at four o'clock,
I am beginning again. And now, my countenance
returns -- the calm cards and poker. Beside me,
you wear an oversized slicker. With a sudden force,
you unsnap, opening it wide, scooping me close.
Fiercely, firmly, you envelop me with your right arm,
tucking me tight against your middle and suddenly,
inside the jacket, we are half-wet, yellow, and safe.
Together, we are melting into the weather, a living
impression painted into the gray, uncertain quiet.
Both humans and birds are hidden, a wicked sign. 
At any moment, the sky could break. Crouching
inside their homes, millions live solely through past
and future like keen, salivating reporters. True news
rests beyond the fear and the noise, within the moment,
within the honest, primal reach, the instant celebration
of pain and joy and life and breath. True news rests
within the thunder crack. Because when the threat
comes, we are laughing, muddy and disgusting,
nibbling on cashews.

C.A. MacConnell

Thank you for supporting my books! Don't forget to leave a review! <3

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Sky 11

 

Good morning. Just a simple sky shot for ya. I have a bunch. It's rather cliche to take sky shots, I suppose, ha, but I try to make them interesting...I like this one. It'd make a nice poster, I think. Just saying. Hope you are well and happy this morning. Hope you get a chance to check out my new book, RECOVER WILDLY:  DAILY SPIRITUAL ESSAYS FOR SURVIVORS, as well as my four novels! Don't forget to leave a review. Awesome. XO.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Lost Gloves 70 & 71

 

Strange, I came across this on a hot day. Ha. Here they are. Hope you like the shot. XO, C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

We Are Mountains

Hope you like the photo. It may seem like a simple sky shot, but it's deep if you keep looking. :)XO

Hello, I am glad you're here. Thank you for supporting my books. They've all been selling lately, and I'm thrilled. The other day, I was at a gathering, and I looked over, and someone was holding a copy of THE HOUSE OF ANCHOR. So amazing for an author to witness. I just sat there and grinned. One time, I was working at a coffee shop, and there was a Book Club discussing my book, GRIFFIN FARM. That was hilarious. I put my two cents in here and there, but I didn't tell them who I was. Like I said, hilarious.

I love them all, but THE HOUSE OF ANCHOR was my favorite one to write and man, there was a ton of research involved. Honestly, I did vast amounts of research for all of my work. But THE HOUSE OF ANCHOR was the most complicated. I definitely broke some rules. Maybe I'll come up with an ultra-complicated Book Six. I have a beginning, about 20 pages. But then, I came up with another idea and right now, it's an ultra-mess in my head. But it usually starts that way, ha. But THE HOUSE OF ANCHOR is one of a kind. I could never touch that beast.

I was sitting here thinking about my favorite characters. Here's what comes to mind. Zion in THE HOLE, Johnboy in THE HOUSE OF ANCHOR, Buddy and Big Mike in GRIFFIN FARM, and Casper in STRANGE SKIN. I also really like Lucas in THE HOLE, as well as his coworker, Reynolds. I tend to like writing the male parts.

I just woke up from a nap. I'm grateful for the ability to get some rest lately, especially after finishing my fifth book, RECOVER WILDLY, and the tumultuous and wonderful adventure that poured out of me while putting it out there. It's a whole other shebang to release nonfiction! Very emotional and unique, to put it mildly. People are loving it. Awesome.

And today, I treated myself...got a full-service car wash and such. :) What can I say...I come from a car family, and I'm still obsessed with my car, even at this age. A clean car means a clean soul in my family.

I was cracking up with a lot of folks in the stores today, making little jokes and such all morning long. Those are my favorite days. I love cutting it up with folks. Although, I file all of the dialogue away in my brain, of which they're not aware. It comes in handy later when I'm working on a novel...it comes flying outta me as if from nowhere. A curse and a gift, b/c you wouldn't know it by looking at my face, but my mind is always at work, filing away words. I'm grateful for the gift now, actually. But it doesn't come in handy in the real world sometimes, just saying. It's my little secret. Not so secret since I'm telling you.

Because of this "love of words" gift, shall we say, I have difficulty with the Internet and group texts particularly.  But over the years, I've learned to channel that as well. Some days better than others. But thank you, God, for my ridiculous brain. 

I hope that you are well and happy. I've been writing a lot of songs on piano, and they're rad. I sing like a fucking wild woman. It's raw and wild and fierce. I'm at my best when I'm angry. Truth. Kinda like angry sex, hells yeah. I'm in. Well, to an extent. I'm 51 and certainly, I'm not anywhere near flexible anymore, haha. I'd give it my best shot. Cracking up, writing to you.

Lately, I've been rolling with my emotions freely. I'm doing a lot of healing. I'm also looking forward. And I'm really asking the Universe what it wants me to do. I'm willing to be a channel, so to speak. I'm doing a lot of writing on fear as well, so that I can be clearer on my path, without my fear getting in the way. Baby steps.

Have a great evening. We are mountains. We are beautiful. Imperfection at its finest. XO. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

Crossroads

Good evening. I came upon a crossroads. An opportunity popped up that had to do with my former life. I wrestled with the decision...talked with others, made the lists, and on and on, like people do. But here's what I've noticed about myself:  my first gut reaction was no. And eventually, my final decision was no. It didn't change. It usually doesn't change for me. Why I spend so much time rolling it around, when I can trust my heart and my gut in the first place, I'm not sure. 

I guess I'm a human being trying to navigate this planet like everyone else.

I suppose it gets tricky when I think about, Hey, should I go against my gut? Is my gut wrong? Should I change and make a leap that's against everything I feel? Sometimes, I definitely think this can be a good idea in order to grow. In the recent past, I've done this a lot regarding relationships. In this situation, it didn't feel applicable at the time, considering all of the factors. 

Maybe I'm wrong, who knows. Today I find myself second-guessing my decision, beating myself up, and the like. I usually do that as well. I suppose I'll allow myself some time to process. It's OK. I'm frustrated, but I guess I can see it as an opportunity to narrow down what it is I really want to do. This particular situation wasn't it, obviously.

See, I want to do what makes my heart sing. And I can feel that when it happens, for sure. :) XO.

Until then, I guess I'll drive around and do deliveries and sing songs and dance in the aisles and write to you. Hey, wait a minute...I'm already doing what makes my heart sing. Who cares what people think of my "title." If I come across something else that gels with this notion, I'm all in.

Gratitude for recognizing this fact tonight. Always healing. Perhaps you are too. Maybe you're already doing what makes your heart sing, and you don't even realize it. Maybe we're in this together.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

We Don't Know

There has been some more change going on in my life. Nonstop actually. I could use some down time, for sure, but my higher power seems to be pointing me in a new direction. I'm not certain how it's going to roll out yet, but it feels good to me. And scary too. Just muddling through it all, taking some risks and such, which has been quite jarring in the past few years. I've changed a lot, to put it mildly, and much of it has to do with walking through fear.

As I've said before, "God is in the surprise." Yes, indeed. The curveball, the unexpected, and the like. God is right there, altering the course at times, in my humble opinion. And I can choose to recognize the divinity in it and "go with the flow," so to speak, or I can resist. Up to me.

I've been tunneling through a whole big suitcase of fear, man. And to folks on the outside, I'm sure it looks messy at times. Until now, I wasn't aware of my deepest fears and how they have been running my life. I've been scratching the surface, sure, but at the present time, I'm barreling into the depths of it. Or maybe I always knew deep down, but it hadn't hit the surface, and I wasn't ready to face it all yet.

Now I know. Or I think I do, ha. Truth is, I don't know. Neither do you. We don't know. There is something bigger out there than this whole human clown show. Take a look at some ancient mountains. Or the seasons. The sky, the birds, nature in general. Nature knows more than we do.

We don't know.

This fear has nearly wiped me out numerous times; I've experienced panic, continuous racing heart, endless bouts of tears (and laughter too), and a number of physical reactions that I won't dive into here. I've experienced panic and such in the past and so, I know better now how to navigate the beast. But let's just say PTSD is no fun.

But it is also a great teacher.

Straight through it. If I don't walk through it, it tends to resurface, aye. I spent many years pushing it down, running around in circles. Many folks do this. Some continue to operate on fear their entire lives. Look around. Everyone's scared. They might seem angry. They might seem depressed. They might seem hellbent on looking perfect. They might seem overly focused on work, a relationship, or a cause. It's all around. It's all fear. Politics, money, appearances. Oh shit, and the news. Fear.

Have I mastered it? Hell no, I'm a baby too. Just like you. But I'm growing stronger in my faith every day. As a human, "trying" is everything. XO.

Be gentle with yourself. And I will be too.

For those who can relate to such human fears or for those who have experienced trauma (I am convinced that's everyone), I am sorry you have to go through this, but I can empathize. And also, as powerful as it can be at times, the fear will eventually dissipate. Just hang on, if you're walking through it like me. Hang on. Love to you. Get a fucking teddy bear. I keep planning on it, but I think I'll nab one from the stuffed animal claw machine today. I am a master at that game, ha. If you think you can beat me, you're wrong, ha.

But fear hasn't wiped me out thus far. I keep moving, despite it all.

A battle with the inner self. And a journey to make peace with the inner self. As I always say, "Look inward." It is hard work to look inward. That's why most folks, including me, often grab onto outside stuff as the "cause" or "source." But eventually, the journey always returns back to the self. I have to take a look at my part, my way of being, my feelings, my actions and reactions. That is the only way I can truly process through life's more difficult scenarios and change.

Hard truth. But don't we all do it? We grab onto news stories, outside relationships, car issues, house issues, money issues, you name it. We blame other things or other people for sadness or present circumstances, and the like. For instance, I might tell the world that I'm afraid my car might break down. Or it might change, and I might start telling everyone I'm afraid of a job situation. Or I might focus on a certain relationship issue. Doesn't matter, because the real fear rests within a lack of faith and fear within myself. Because it's not the car. It's not the job. It's not the other person.

Nothing on the outside is driving the monster.

I am.

It's what's inside.

Grinning just now. Maybe this will help you too.

It's all unfolding as you are reading this, as I am writing this. We don't know the power of the "unseen." Hang on for the ride but remember to love yourself. And I will too.

I don't know.

We don't know.

But since we both don't know, that means we're in this together. And that's a beautiful thing.

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Hook

Good afternoon. Man, I'm tired. But I decided to create something anyway. I'm going to dig into poetry again before I start on a new project, I've decided...so that I can focus on details again. I wrote this just now. I had actually forgotten about the little scene until this moment, ha. Hope you like it. Hope happiness and love roll in for you, in whatever shape or form that comes. XO. Love to you, C.A. MacConnell

Hook

Once, seasick on the charter boat,
I crawled up from the cabin
just in time
to reel in an award-winning bass.
The captain shouted, Fry it up
and swallow it down whole.
After the cheers and photo poses,
without a pause,
I threw the fish back
into Lake Michigan.
Damp and nauseous, I crept away,
slowly stepping down
into the boat’s dark lower level,
tunneling into my makeshift bed,
hiding under thin, white sheets.
Sleep never came to me.
There I was, alone, rocking
with the waves.
Here and there, I grabbed
the olive-green bucket
and threw up.
Wiping my mouth, grinning,
I cared not at all
about catching and winning.
Instead, I pictured the shiny,
glorious, divine, empty hook,
the release, the creature’s freedom,
the shocked, big people on the deck,
and all of their furious
faces.

C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE

Angels, Angels 2

 
Angels

Angels 2

Hi there. Thought I'd share some photos I took the other day. I took a couple of days off for once. I probably needed more, but what can I say...I'm better when I'm moving, for sure, both physically and mentally. I enjoyed my walks though. :) Trying to regroup, slow it down, be gentler. Like many folks, I struggle with PTSD, and it's hard for my brain to understand that a break doesn't mean losing everything. Rather, a break is OK. Alrighty then. Processing this truth.

It's hard for my brain to understand a lot of things! Ha. But I'm grateful for my tricky brain...it's creative as all hell. Rad.

Some things are new for me as I navigate this part of my life. Everything is new, really! But, what's good about all of it is that so many joyful things are rolling in as well. It's been quite a mix, quite a journey, deep as all hell...and hilarious at times too. When I think about all I've been through in the past three years, it's really amazing, all of it.

I'm so proud of RECOVER WILDLY:  DAILY SPIRITUAL ESSAYS FOR SURVIVORS. I'm proud of all of my books. I've been getting some awesome feedback on this one, for sure, and I'm glad it's helping some folks. It's definitely straight from my heart and my experience. And let me tell you, it's been a wild ride.

My life, my writing, my photos, my songs...all of it is teaching me how to better love myself and others. And of course, I have some great cheerleaders as well. 

Hope you get a chance to check out my books! And I hope this day is peaceful for you. 

I'm not sure if this is true, but I saw that there's going to be a new Dances with Wolves movie. If this is true, I want to be in it. That would be a dream come true. I saw the first damn film five times in the theater, all by myself, because I didn't want anyone to distract me, ha. I was so focused. And I can't tell you how many times I watched it at home. I know all of the words. It's annoying to watch it with me. I've also read the book. Anyhow, if you're hiring, I'm in. I do have 20 years of horse experience, so there's that, ha. I'm chuckling. I think I'm late, but it can't hurt to try.

Have a great evening. Thank you for being here. <3

Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell

P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW! 

P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email:  right here. 

AUTHOR PAGE