Not a formal essay. I'm sure I'll turn this into one, but for now...just some thoughts I'm passing on. Who knows? Perhaps it'll help someone. Good morning, just sending some love your way. I'm learning and growing, and it's painful, but it's unique to me right now, just as life is unique for everyone. Just stating the truth. Strangely, I'm also proud of where I am right now. It's teaching me to seek out the correct person/persons who will allow me to feel and offer an ear and gentleness, rather than harshness or directions, because that's what I need during this time of healing. In truth, the answers come from within. More often than not, it's all teaching me to simply sit with things in quiet and figure it all out on my own.
It's teaching me to trust myself and stay in the moment, for sure!
And simply put, I'm learning how to better love myself and others. I suppose we are all on this journey, going about it in different ways. Some are trapped in various stages. Some are pushing forward. Some never touch the surface. And still others are fully open and alive, back to the place where we were as children -- breathing, laughing, playing, loving. Randomness, but is it random? Or is it just as it should be? I don't know the answer to that question, but I do feel comfort in the old saying, "Everything is as it should be." There is a great deal of acceptance in that statement, and it makes me feel as if someone's giving me a hug, which is something that I need right now.
Seems like the entire world needs a hug right now. And maybe, just maybe, today I can offer that to someone who needs it. Yesterday, on a delivery, when I was in a stranger's driveway, I looked up and spied a toddler and dog watching me from the window. Both of them were smiling, excited to see me, and it filled my heart...the gentle excitement present within the scene. I just kept waving, and they continued watching and smiling. The dog never barked; he just wagged his tail ferociously, and I felt so welcome there. It was a touching little scene, and it warmed my heart -- the innocence, expectation, and curiosity within the two of them. I felt like I belonged with them, and the moment was
golden. (Ha, I just thought of Pony Boy in
The Outsiders when I wrote that. Making such connections is a blessing in my writing, and it's a real gift when it comes to my books, but it can be a curse when it comes to life sometimes, ha!)
Not everyone believes in God per say, but I do. I use that word, and it represents many things -- the people close to me, the feeling in a still room, the hawks, the wolves, nature all around, and the shadows, surprises, and sparks. And then some. In paintings, stained glass windows, photos, songs, and books. All around. For me, it's present in a piece of everything. Oftentimes, I feel it in the trees, the sky, and inside people's eyes.
I hope you have a beautiful day. To me, you're a piece of God. And I am too. Staying gold. Ha. Let's see how this unfolds.
Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
