I suppose there's always something to work on. A new job. A new place to live. Personal growth. Feeling better. Any number of things. I tend to be one who seeks forward movement and change on the inside. But strangely, that can get me into trouble, because I'm extremely hard on myself, and I become rather obsessive and forget who I am. And who am I? Well, I guess I'm a creative warrior who still believes in true love, even at 51 years old. But there's a lurking notion of "I'm not good enough" that I can't seem to shake. But the essence of who I am is important and unique. And perhaps, what I need to focus on more is that which is good and true to my childlike heart. Perhaps, I need to see that I'm OK right here, right now, as I'm writing to you.
See, I can get trapped in the idea that I always need to be better, look better, and on and on. And that kind of thinking spirals downward quite quickly.
I've had a tough couple of weeks and maybe, it's time to just be gentle, relax, and let God take care of me. I spend a lot of time worrying about whether or not I can take care of myself. Well, maybe God can do that job just fine. What does that mean? I'm not saying that as a human I should sit around and do nothing, ha, no. But it's definitely not in my nature to be lazy. Actually, I'm an overachiever in every way...and one of those areas where I obsess too much? Personal growth.
I forget to have fun.
I forget to enjoy the child within.
I forget to be in the moment.
I forget to be and feel free.
I forget to be spontaneous.
I forget to listen to the sounds of the creatures of the day.
I forget how to show love to others.
I forget how to allow myself to be loved.
I forget how to be compassionate and gentle.
I forget to be wild.
I forget what makes me feel wild.
One thing is good about all of this. It drove me to write to you today, to share what's lurking inside. And that's something that is a gift, I believe. My little gift. The solo writer. Yes, it's a huge part of who I am. It is easy for me to express my thoughts on the page. It's in my blood.
And so, there's a balance here. Personal growth vs. accepting who I am in this moment right now, celebrating my hard work and triumphs. Allowing myself to be human. Being gentle. Loving that creative warrior, that lone writer, that wild woman, that courageous child who lives inside of me.
Aye, I'm not a master at the balance. Because oftentimes, when I have down time, I find myself thinking about certain aspects of my character that I need to change, or I worry about negatives, things I need to "fix."
But what if, instead, I celebrate my talents. What if I celebrate these very words, my fingers, my mind, my desire to connect with you.
And so, I'm writing to you, celebrating the gift of word and reaching out in a way that's so familiar to me that it might as well be an extra toe or whatnot, ha. I wouldn't mind having an extra toe. Or a cape.
Perhaps my words will help you, too. I am the hero in this story. You are the hero in this story. And maybe, we've both got it all wrong. And maybe, we've both got it all right. I suppose it's a little of both. <3
Have a great evening. Love to you,
C.A. MacConnell
P.S. FIVE published books by C.A. MacConnell on Amazon NOW!
P.P.S. Need writing help? M.A. English/Creative Writing, Hollins University. Over 30 years of experience in all genres. You name it; I can do it. PHOTOS: custom, signed prints. Or prints on metal or canvas, ready to hang. Email: right here.
