When I was little, my mom found this notepad that had a cartoon of a stick little girl, and it read, "Newsy Note from Chris" on each page. I don't know why that just popped into my head, but I loved that paper. I will marry whoever can find me that paper. The original. Ok, maybe not marry, but we could go grab a coffee.
Just polishing my book #3. Getting juicy. I love it. So fun to write, especially the dialogue. I enjoy each character's personality; they're so real to me. One thing that's been good about being sick...I've sure gotten a lot of work done. Ironic, I know. This sucker's in the end stages now, sweet.
Pretty cool. I've written three full novels now. Anyone want to celebrate? Ha. I have to laugh at myself. See, I'm amazed at how persistent my dreamy head is. I can have a full-on relationship for two years without anyone actually being with me. I'd call that talent. Or confusion, depending on the day. Ha.
Some flash poetry for you. Couldn't sleep, so I figured I might as well put my brain to work, ha. I'm ridiculous, I know. Just me. Hope you have a good day. No, I hope it's awesome and brilliant. C.A.
are all around --
and open lips,
ones and twos,
giant and small,
but no matter how
smooth the skin,
no matter the time
of day or naked
place; she only
Just ask the fish.
In silence, life is
divine, and rather
but the overall
forecast is clear --
My attempt at making an image appear to be like real film, without using photoshop or filters, only using light and angle, because I prefer real film. That's how I'm used to shooting pictures, actually, so when I see things, that tends to be how I see them. I'm behind the times in many ways. :) I need to date a computer nerd. Also, someone with a TV. I attempted to watch Raging Bull, rather than politics, and I was loving the dialogue, not to mention the artful film-making, but the sound is messed when I try to watch movies. Also, my ears are totally plugged up; I'm still fighting an ear infection, so that could be it. I've learned that when a crowded room echoes, it is quite uncomfortable. Sounds like I'm underwater. Maybe that's a good thing, ha. So now I'm watching sitcoms.
Hope you like the pic. Me, sick on the couch, all natural besides the b/w. I'm getting better. Actually got a lot done on my book today. Rearranging a few things at the beginning, and I seemed to be in gear when working, so that's good. It's great. I can't wait for the world to see this.
The last time I got really sick like this was back in 2000, something like that. That's why I'm so incredibly stubborn when it comes to getting ill. I hate resting, but this one has taken me out. Now, I have visited the doc twice, but it seems to me that when it comes
to this stuff, you and your body are on your own. :) When I talk to
others, it makes me more anxious, but people are so funny if you ask them what to do, aren't they? I've been asking everyone around, just to see what they'll say. People who aren't doctors, that is...here's some stuff I've heard...
"That's right, keep going, SWEAT IT OUT."
"Rest, you need REST."
"Oh, just watch a movie. I just saw Tarzan. Incredible. Were those real gorillas?"
In a low, serious tone: "OHHHH, I had that. Better make sure you're on an antibiotic."
In a high-pitched tone: "You should call someone to take a look at that!"
"I'm on Flonase I think. My doctor put me on that. She's great. You should call her."
"Mucinex works. You should try that. Or maybe not, you're already on some stuff, I dunno."
"Use that saline spray. That'll help your throat."
"Your eyes look red too. Back a few years ago, I had conjunctivitis once. My eye was seeping out and disgusting. It was like pouring out. I should show you pictures."
"Sounds like a BAD one."
"Hows about an ear candle? You ever tried that? I love those things. They're so cool. I don't know if they work, but they're cool."
"You're fine. You're getting better. Give it some time."
In a quiet whisper: "Oh, man, you better call the doctor."
"I know you're not good at it at all, but maybe you should take it easy."
"Oh, I've had that before, it's BAD."
Shouting: "Oh my god, I think I'm getting that too!"
In a cool statement: "It's going around. Everyone at the office has it."
"I think he's still coughing, and I think he has the same thing, but he's two days ahead of you, I think."
Rolling eyes and sighing: "My Mom's been dealing with that all month."
"Make sure you eat. You gotta eat."
"Do you have a fever? How high?"
"Try that neti pot. Do you have one? I don't have one, but I hear they work great."
And my all time favorite,"It's all connected up there...it's all just mucous."
Automatically, if you tell people you're sick, they often morph into three-year-olds and start spewing out old sayings that their parents used to tell them. I suppose I do it too. Totally, everyone has a different opinion and a different suggestion and/or solution. To some, it's life-shattering. To others, it's no biggie. Some go into "Mom mode." Others go into "tough Mom mode" or "indifferent Dad mode." Still others have personal opinions on specific products to buy, or different steps to take -- a "sick strategy," so to speak. They'll even lay it all out in steps, like an entire paragraph of directions. Some become mean, mad, or scared. And then there are the ones who just say, "Ohhh," and hold up their palms to block you off, quietly backing away, as if to say, "STAND BACK! INCOMING!!"
I've still been working on my book and reading some, but I'm afraid to look at the news lately. Just for today, take care of you...and do something for someone else. We all need love, especially the sick ones. That's my conclusion from all this advice.
Love. Always. And Completely. And if you see me heading your way, STAND BACK! INCOMING!!
P.S. This would make a hilarious monologue for a comedian, just saying.
P.S.S. After two weeks, my ears just popped right here, right now. Hooray! The solution is writing, not doctors or advice, ha. If you've ever had a bad ear infection, then you will understand my utter and complete euphoric excitement. Dear god, I may not be a rock star, but this is right up there.
When I was on a school bus shuttle, I saw this girl in the reflection on the huge mirror. She was young, but her seriousness seemed to add some years, and I wondered about her story. Well, I'm always wondering about people's stories, but she intrigued me. Guess she reminded me of myself some; I admit that I'm always thinking up a storm, when I'm not cracking up about something that usually gets me in trouble. Not much in between. Hey, you just never know what that person in front of you might have been through in his/her life. And you never know what he/she is going through right here and now. I say this: err on the side of kindness, always. I try to. I fuck up, sure, but I wholeheartedly aim to be one of the nice ones and give love.
Today's Truth: "When the words are different than the actions, that equals confusion. She was in a place of confusion. Love is an action word. True love comes with action." -- man across from me last night.
Here's me, today, looking serious because both of my ears are still plugged up. I've been real sick with the flu or something, but I was glad to be out and about finally, because I hate feeling weak. It's funny. I don't remember the last time I was sick...it's been years. It rarely happens to me, so when it does happen, it catches me off guard bigtime. Oh, also, would you believe that this is my fourth pair of sunglasses this year? I stepped on one pair, and the rest broke on their own. These are purple.
Just saying hi.
Book 2 is on a "roadtrip," I'll call it.
I've been working on book 3 right through the sickness, and I have a title now...just adding from the inside out. It's all fun from here on out -- all the creative part. Very excited about it. I have both laughed and cried at my own dialogue, funny.
Just wrote this. :) Hope you enjoy the piece. I thought of it as a song, actually. C.A.
Quiet. And the sheets
In the crimson morning,
I write to myself, I'm not sure why, but I think I love him. I'm guessing
that every mosquito,
and every tree limb,
and every crack of thunder
has lived with such a thing.
If I could,
I'd ask the ant and the cheetah.
Every artist tries
to capture this mood --
let's hear about that one night
let's hear about the way
by an Iceland afternoon.
But there is no description
for any and all --
the way we each
trace a finger
down one side
of a wrinkle.
Quiet. And the sheets
In the human morning,
I write to myself, I'm not sure why, but I think I love him.
If need be,
I hear that he would carry me
up the mountain,
painting my middle
to keep me
I've been working on my book, but I stopped when I thought this: with everything disturbing going on around the world these days, as one person, what can I do? Little me, what can I do?
It's easy to feel helpless, but I know that I can take actions, however small, to make another person's day a little better. I could hold the door for someone, be a listening ear, call someone, give someone a cookie or a flower. What can I do that is absent of self? Maybe my ideas are just small things, and I certainly don't have the resources to act on a grand scale, but can't goodness radiate outward? Can't one small act of kindness be a stimulus for joy to spread? Why not. I admit that I'm tired, and this week has been tough for me too; I have actually cried my eyes out in horrific pain, but I'm still here. And I know that there are so many others who had tougher weeks than me, for sure. Feelings...they change, and I have processed some biggies. But just for today, why not focus on turning thoughts around, moving in the direction of love and light?
Instead of assuming others are out to hurt me, I can assume that it is all for a greater good. Instead of wishing someone would make a different decision, I can assume that we all have our own paths, and what is true for them is right and good.
Instead of thinking the universe is troubled, I can think that things are happening as they should be. Instead of thinking that my pain is a punishment, I can see it as God's way of leading me to the light, to becoming more fully who I am. Instead of fueling anger, I can choose to forgive myself and others and let go. Instead of wishing for one person to be with me, I can allow God to handle my relationships. Instead of wishing for sun, I can dance in the rain. I am not a victim. I am a hero, a survivor. And this is true for anyone who has been through trauma.
Do I sound too cheesy or self-helpish? Maybe I do, but my heart holds a great deal of hope. Rather than focus on the turmoil, I can focus on gratitude. I have clean water, hot and cold. I have food in my fridge. I have medical care, supportive family and friends, and a safe place to live. So many people do not have these things. I am truly lucky.
Sometimes it takes me a while to process things feelings-wise, but my heart feels right, and I try to stay on the right path.
Today's Truth: I hope that some small miracle happens for you today.
Here is a shot I took of the Wild Horse Monument. When I look at it, it makes me feel so free. :)